Is the Cup of Joy related to the Holy Grail? Or is that different?

submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney, OK
All over the brand new Carpet of Contentment!! Geez!
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submitted by frequent contributor Miss Kitty, GA
Jesus is also a good person to send to the door when the Mormons and/or Jehovah's Witnesses knock. They won't recognize Him at all! .....ZING!!!

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"Bring your sin to the alter
And drop it like it's hot.
Drop it like it's hot."
submitted AND asst. reviewed by Nick Bell, Buffalo, NY
Alter, indeed. I can think of some things I'd like to "alter".

NOTE: This sign is referencing rap lyrics, for those who aren't "down". Check out the lyrics this church is referencing. Unless you are offended by pot, oral sex, gang violence, prostitution, and tons of profanity, in which case DON'T CHECK THEM OUT AT ALL.

This will be the first church to put spinners on its church van, I just know it.


Keep 'em coming.

"Church as fun as the movies"

submitted by Ian Adnams, Winnipeg, Manitoba
Just please don't spill popcorn onto the pews.

Now that I think about it, I can think of some churches I have been to that remind me a great deal of some movie titles....movie titles like:
"The Temple of Doom"
"Jackass"
"Psycho"
"The Never-ending Story"
"12 Angry Men"
"The Usual Suspects"
"Apocalypse Now"
"Unforgiven"

Heh heh...I could go on. But so could you. Use the comments section to reference other movie titles that a poor church experience (like a crummy sign!) might remind you of.....

"Pray - don't be a hater."

submitted by Joshua Long, sign from Las Vegas, NV
"Don't hate God." Always solid advice from a church.

This sign is silly because "Don't hate the prayer, hate the prayer" doesn't exactly have the same ring to it as "Don't hate the player, hate the game" , does it? In fact, it doesn't make any sense. At all.

"Good thing Mary didn't have an abortion."
submitted by Joshua Long, sign from TX
Yeah, all women who have had an abortion: what if your child was the Messiah?!? HUH?!? How do you feel now?!?

Look, I don't like abortion any more than the next guy...but this sign is just terrible. Some women really struggle with a difficult decision and then struggle with guilt afterwards. The church should be there to listen and love these women, not throw terrible "what if's" at them and make them feel worse. Jesus didn't say to the woman at the well "Good thing my mom wasn't a slut!" did He? Alright then.

More.

...except that Jesus doesn't give anal probes (that we know of)

submitted by Aaron Morey
It's a shame that they can't decide exactly when this alien life form is going to invade. I would really like to see it. I guess I should just show up at 8 and wait around....
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submitted by frequent contributor SpookyRach and her brother Jonathan, TX
Just don't start making lives in our pews, please. Ew.
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"What does (church member's name withheld) wear at age 50? IT DEPENDS!"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor David Jacks, TX
Nothing like a good incontinence joke to encourage the passers-by.


Keep 'em coming.

I said eat it!! EAT IT, HEATHEN!!!!

submitted by frequent contributor Jennie Sowers, IN
Feed on the Bread of Life from the Trough of Calvary using the Spork of the Holy Spirit.

Look, I know "Bread of Life" is an analogy straight from Jesus...but it's hard to convey the full weight of His meaning in 12 words or less. So let's stop trying.

"Get away from yourself. Come to church."
submitted AND reviewed by Anna Gervasi, Columbia, TN
It's nice to know I've finally found a place where I can be fake.

"Spend some time alone every day."
"Don't let a small dispute damage a great relationship."
(different sides, same sign).
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
I would get some sort of sick satisfaction if the name of this church's pastor actually WAS Dr. Phil Something.

Also, April B. sent a link to this cartoon. Heh heh heh....

Keep 'em coming.

"How does a Christian spell Heaven? H-O-M-E."

submitted by frequent contributor Wes Kenney, OK
It's time for a fun game! In the comments section, make your OWN crummy church sign by filling in the blanks:

"How does a Christian spell _______Christianese word_______ ? ________spell the word here________.

It's like Mad Libs, but crummier.

Keep 'em coming.

"Put a period on your past."

submitted by frequent contributor David Finch, DC
This sign is very similar to a rejected catchphrase for a new prescription drug, "Put a past on..." Well...you get the idea.

"God is the God of possibilities."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor David Finch, DC
Please turn in your Bibles to 1st Osteen 1:5......

More.

....and Jesus loves you!

submitted by Claude E. Lett IV
The other side of the sign said, "...and if you lose the rat race, then you're a rat and a loser."
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submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Nickie Albert, Mobile, AL
...unless it's on a crummy church sign, then we should change it all we want.
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submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold Hendrix, Atmore, AL
"God"....wink, wink, nudge, nudge, know what I mean?
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"Come burn with us"
submitted by Greg S., Florissant, MO*
It's hard to tell if this church:
a) is all going to hell.
b) is "on fire" for God.
c) caught "the clap" from the temple prostitutes.

"God makes pumpkins too"
submitted by Chris Jensen, Paradise CA
I am still convinced that squash is the work of the devil, though.

*Be sure to check out Greg S.'s new blog Kinda Kitschy. It's sorta like Crummy Church Signs, but it's all the crap you find in Christian bookstores.

Keep 'em coming.

Yep. You're pretty much by yourself out there.

submitted by frequent contributor Jennie Sowers, IN
This is where "context" becomes mightily important.

And where did this book of "Ho" come from? Is it anywhere near First and Second Pimp?

--------------------------------------------------------------
"Lord I'm running. 99 and a half won't do"
"Don't run with the world, instead walk with God"
both sides of the same sign submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Run...don't run....what do you want from me?!?

I think that first one is some cultural reference...I would use the term "pop" culture, but I don't know how "pop" the culture in question actually is. Can anybody offer some help in the comments section?

"Shine don't whine"
submitted by frequent contributor Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Shine don't rhyme.

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submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Miss Kitty, GA
Adjectives are a good thing. Too much of a good thing is still....well....too much.
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"Welcome a child--Welcome God."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Nickie Albert, Mobile, AL
What do we get if we welcome a puppy?

"When it rains, He pours."
submitted by frequent contributor David Jacks, TX
...whiskey? Is God so hard up for cash that He's tending bar on rainy days? What was this sign even supposed to mean? Maybe the people making this sign were pouring whiskey....

"Are you going places or just being taken?"
submitted by frequent contributor David Jacks. Sign seen in North Dakota.
Or are you doing the taking? (Churches, I'm talkin' to you......)

Blogger has decided that's enough pictures for this post, so I will continue this LARGE batch in the next post (sorry, I got a little backlogged there.)

Keep 'em coming.

"Let us wash you in the blood of a dead man."

submitted by Daniel Bull, Beaver PA
Dear all non-Christians: I swear Christianity is nothing like this, no matter how we make it look sometimes.

"Go Bush Go! Bring the ammo!"
submitted by Rev. David Hawes, Shelby, NC
Dear all non-Christians: I swear Christianity is nothing like this, no matter how we make it look sometimes.

Sigh.


Keep 'em coming.

It's so crummy it takes up both sides.

signs submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold Hendrix, Atmore, AL
Rumor has it that this church torched the "eating establishment" in question just so they would have the chance to put this sign up.

Props to Rev. Hendrix for taking non-blurry pictures of these signs. The camera would have been shaking (from laughter) if it had been up to me.

Keep 'em coming.

Didn't your mother ever tell you...

submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Micah Larsen, MN
Yeah, you can't see the shadow because you're blind from the sunshine!
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submitted by April B., Austin, TX
"Got Members?"


Keep 'em coming.

Crummy Is An Adjective...

submitted by John Lutz, Englewood, CO
A verb like this? :

"Mommy, I Christianitied in my pants!!"

"My dad walked in on me while I was Christianitying!!!"

"Awww, I just Christianitied this whole thing up."

"Would you quit Christianitying while I am trying to read?"

"The dog just Christianitied off somewhere...can you find him?"

Maybe not.....

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"The pew is a launching pad, not a rest area."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. John Allen Bankson, Ruston, LA
Now you are just catapulted directly into the baptismal pool from where you sit?

And whoever has been using the pews as "rest areas"...please stop. Have you ever seen those rest areas along the interstate?!? Eww...
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The rest of these signs were submitted by frequent contributor Micah Larsen (MN) and were originally posted on his blog.















Note: This one says "Celebrate our heroes and sheroes". No, really, it does.

Sounds like a Greek temple to me..... To Dionysius! To Athena! Party time!!! Toga Toga Toga!!!

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Funny...that's the same analogy my doctor gave me when I asked him about....

...oh, never mind.

As a bonus, at least they didn't spell the name of their church as "Sonrise".
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Blogger has stopped me from posting any more pictures, so I will continue Micah's pics on the next post.

Keep 'em coming.

New Website Section

QUOTES: See who is saying what about Crummy Church Signs. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

Unfortunately, I deleted all my old hate mail as soon as I received it. From now on, it goes up on this page. Especially if the writers can't be bothered to read the disclaimer first.

Enjoy. Or not.

Our house, in the middle of our street? Our house, in the middle of our...

submitted by frequent contributor Jennie Sowers, IN
Next week the sign read:
Our house it has a crowd
There's always something happening
And it's usually quite loud

It sounds like the pastor wants to add a sunroom.....

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"Mature Christians are RIPE for Heaven”
submitted by frequent contributor Les DuLunch, GA
That is some rotten fruit of the Spirit, right there.

And by the way, old folks: CONGRATULATIONS, you're almost dead. What a terrible sign.

“How a Woman Respects a Man”
submitted by Katie Trapp, Farmington Hills, MI
You mean bringing him his beer while he convalesces in the Barcalounger isn't it?!?!

“It pays to serve God”
submitted by frequent contributor Les DuLunch, GA
Yeah, but the benefits suck.

“What do you do when you have a but?”
submitted and asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Les DuLunch, GA
Aw, c'mon. They're just asking for it now.....

In the case of the person who wrote that sign....you kick it.

“We celebrate our diversity”
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Les DuLunch, GA
I think I know what they are trying to say, but instead of saying that everyone is welcome it sounds to me like someone is running for office.


By the way, the lyrics in the first post are from the Talking Heads. Do try and keep up, will you? :)

With a Rebel Yell, I cry More! More! More!

When Church Signs Suck

An article I wrote, entitled When Church Signs Suck, has been posted over at my friends and co-conspirators Church Marketing Sucks. Head over and check it out!

"Say Yes to Families, No to Cashews."

submitted by frequent contributor Nickie Albert. Sign from Lucedale, MS
This absolutely has to be the work of a sign vandal. No way they meant that.............right?!?!!?

"If your problem is long-standing, maybe you should try kneeling."
submitted by frequent contributor Kelly Quinn, TX
And if your problem is long-kneeling...you're pretty much screwed.

"Gain the World And Lose Your Soul. Deal or No Deal."
submitted by frequent contributor Nickie Albert, Mobile, AL
Um...I'd like to phone a friend?

"God Specializes."
submitted by frequent contributor Nickie Albert, Mobile, AL
So do prostitutes. I think the key is "In what?"

"A child of the King should bear some family resemblance."
submitted by frequent contributor David Jacks, TX
Hey! I just rained fire and brimstone down on my students the other morning! Isn't that good enough?

"Prosperity is to understand how God does things."
Anonymous submission from Auburn, IL
Well, if you can get past the terrible sentence construction, this sign is still pretty much awful. I wonder if they have ever heard of this little idea called "faith"?

Also, Joseph Birthisel sent me a link to this article about a controversial church sign. Nice.

The frequent contriubtors lit it up this time around. Good job, everyone.

Keep 'em coming.

Philip Haentzler, 49: One of 2,996

In memory of the 5-year anniversary of 9/11, Crummy Church Signs is proud to participate in 2,996, a project where almost 3,000 different bloggers from around the world pay tribute to an individual victim of the tragedies of 9/11/2001.

Today we remember Philip Haentzler.

Philip Haentzler, 49, was a legal administrative officer for Kidder Peabody-Paine Webber in the WTC building. Mr. Haentzler was survived by his wife Patricia A. Thompson-Haentzler. There is a terrific memorial article published on one of Mr. Haentzler's former school's website, (an all-French school by the way...fitting that I should be blogging about Mr. Hanetzler....) . The original article was published in the Staten Island Advance and written by Leah Karnatski. It reads:

Every morning for nearly two decades, Philip Haentzler would get up early and make a pot of coffee. He would pour a cup, place it on the table with a spoon, and peruse the New York Times for stories relating to social work.

If he found one, he would place the story, face up, on the table next to the coffee and wait. It was a ritual, but it wasn't for himself. Mr. Haentzler, a resident of St. George, did this every morning for his love, Patricia Thompson, who would wake up from a peaceful slumber once the powerful and soothing aroma of morning reached her.

Now, the social worker hardly sleeps, and she's been sipping her treasured morning coffee alone since Mr. Haentzler became one of the missing victims of the World Trade Center attacks. Mr. Haentzler was a legal administrative officer for Kidder Peabody/UBS Paine Webber on the 101st floor of Tower 1.

"I started my day with Philip, and I ended my day with Philip," said Ms. Thompson. "He was so supportive of me, and gave me a love so grand that it pains me to realize he's no longer with me."

Born in Manhattan, Mr. Haentzler was brought to Queens as a baby. His parents were born and married in France, and Philip attended Lycee Francais on the Upper East Side. All of his classes were in French. He had an immense talent for languages, Ms. Thompson said. Already fluent in French, Latin and Spanish, he was working on his German. He was also a voracious reader and "read everything he picked up," she said. Mr. Haentzler earned a degree in history from Haverford (Pa.) College, and a degree in paralegal studies from New York University. After college, he spent three years in Paris trying to make it as a writer.

An aspiring playwright, he kept his work at the office, so Ms. Thompson never had a chance to read his newer, incomplete projects. He finished a one-act play about the American Revolution that was critiqued by the former Minstrel Society of New York in the 1980s.

The couple met at Kidder Peabody in 1983, when she was a legal secretary. "He had piercing eyes," she said. "Our first date was on St. Patrick's Day. We went out for a drink after work, and went out every night after that." They frequented puppet shows, off-off-Broadway theater, and often went to a film house in Greenwich Village that showed short films. The audience would sit on pillows to view the films, after which Mr. Haentzler loved to critique them for hours. "He was a walking encyclopedia," Ms. Thompson said. "We talked all the time, and had a perfect relationship as far as communication."

In the fall of 1983, he was transferred to a Kidder Peabody office in Houston, and Patricia followed. They remained in Texas for seven years. After returning north, they rented an apartment in Manhattan, but moved to St. George the following year because the commute was easier. They bought a house next door to their apartment building in March 2000, where they could share their morning coffee on the balcony off the main floor.

The couple preferred outdoor vacations, and visited towns throughout Pennsylvania together. "We both preferred a rustic vacation," said Ms. Thompson. They also traveled to Vermont, Lake Placid, N.Y., and Canada and had recently purchased a time-share condominium in the Delaware Water Gap, Pa., area. A favorite destination was a certain mountain resort in Pennsylvania, which Mr. Haentzler had visited many times as a child. When his father died, he spread his ashes there.

"This was a very sacred spot for him. He created a memorial for his father there." Patricia said.

In addition to Ms. Thompson, Mr. Haentzler is also survived by his mother, Madeleine Debolt. There will be a memorial service Saturday at 1 p.m. in St. Peter's R.C. Church, New Brighton.

Y'know, the goal of the 2,996 project was to do some research on each victim and write a fitting tribute....but I don't think it gets more fitting than the above. To all my regulars: Please keep Patricia and the rest of Philip's friends and family in your prayers and thoughts. Peruse the rest of the 2,996 project as well. Keep all of the victim's families in your thoughts and prayers today.

God bless.

"It is less stressful to serve the Lord."

These people beg to differ.

"We Can."
submitted by Cindy Tucker, sign from Fairfield, OH (Cindy's Blog)
God might be able to.

"You had to be there Sunday."
submitted by Cindy Tucker, sign from Fairfield, OH
Or I had to be at my own church, thank you very much.

"Windows are for looking through. So are your problems."
submitted by Megan Wetekamp, South Bend, IN
I throw rocks through my problems.

"Does your face have worry wrinkles? You need a faith-lift!"
While you're at it, have an Eternal Life-o-suction!

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submitted by frequent contributor Miss Kitty, GA
Whatcha wanna bet that someone performed "Daddy Sang Bass" for the offertory?

Keep 'em coming.

Another church where you need to know the password....

submitted by frequent contributor Wes Kenney, OK
Sigh.....
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"We are not masters of the earth. Only guest."
submitted by frequent contributor Nickie Albert, Mobile, AL
How could we be Masters of the Earth when this guy is Master of the whole freakin' Universe?

(And Nickie made sure to point out that both sides had the singular form of "guest". *snicker*)

"The best defense is an offense."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Nickie Albert, sign from Saraland, AL
So I guess this is why many church signs take to insulting readers, saying they're ugly and stuff?

"Remember C A L V A R Y"
submitted and reviewed by frequent contributor Nickie Albert, Mobile, AL
Forget the Alamo.

"To get to heaven turn right and go straight."
submitted by frequent contributor Nickie Albert, Mobile, AL
I suppose it was only a matter of time before we started using the same taglines for both Christianity and the Republican party......(sigh)........

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submitted by frequent contributor Miss Kitty, GA
The bumper sticker reads "Jesus is coming....RUE?"....except I think the "E" is supposed to be the color red (not faded out) so it's a play on "Are You Ready (Red "e")".

Isn't it hilarious now that I have explained it to you? And it really works well when the red ink fades out.....

Not technically a church sign....but crummy.

Keep
'em
coming.

Uh......no.

Ok, I am normally not into all of those MySpace surveys and games, but this one seemed rife with potential for side-splitting humor....until I realized that it was completely bogus. I don't look remotely like any of these people. And you're telling me a Victoria's Secret model is my #2 celebrity look-alike?!?!

If there wasn't a picture, we wouldn't believe it....

submitted by frequent contributor Wes Kenney, OK
And if you're REALLY quiet, you can hear a meteor hurtling towards this church and its sign.

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submitted by Jason Kranzusch, Jackson, MS. Originally posted on Jason's Blog.
I didn't know there was a huge church marketing opportunity in Mississippi for former rock stars. My best friend did see one of the guys from R.E.M. in a movie theater there once...but I don't think he's a Mennonite.

Yeah, I know, it's not technically a church sign, nor is it really crummy. I just think the name is as amusing as Jason does.

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"We become like those we spend time with."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor David Finch, DC
I guess that explains why I've been trying to wear my wife's dresses lately....



Thanks to Jason from the Axegrinder blog for the first time submission. I can't help but wish I had come up with the tagline "God's Favorite Smart-Aleck" before he did....

Keep 'em coming. And keep it down so I can hear God's voice, would you?!?

If you aren't sure....STAY THE &$*# OUT!!!

submitted by Tom Bryant, FL. Originally posted on Tom's Blog. Used with permission.
Also, you have to know the secret handshake.

Thanks to Tom at View from Osprey for the permission. Very seldom do I request a sign I see that's posted elsewhere. I usually wait for them to be submitted. This one is Crummy with a capital "C", though.

Tom is much nicer than I. He blurs the church's name out. I probably shoulda been doing that from the start....

Keep 'em coming.

"Run for your lives: Jesus is coming!"

submitted AND reviewed by Katherine Blaisdell, Orange, CA
Oh gosh! And He's manifested his holiness as Godzilla!

"God loves hymns! We sing hymns!"
submitted by Brad Wright
God must have been very disappointed for all those years in between His Son and the writing of most of those hymns that He loves. "Dark Ages", indeed.

"God hates haters."
submitted by Justin Rocha, Topeka, KS
No, God loves haters, but hates the hating.

Or something like that....

"God always wins at hide and seek."
submitted by Justin Rocha, Topeka, KS
Well, the Big Cheater peeks after all.....

"Want peace? Stop trying and start trusting."
submitted by David Jacks, TX
I think I get the idea, but "stop trying" can be taken so many wrong ways. Perhaps a different turn of phrase is more appropriate.

Keep 'em coming.

Everything from this post on down is now categorized on the website, including new entries into the Hall of Shame and the Trophy Room.

This sign would be great...accept it isn't.

submitted by Maurice Landes
Possible beginnings for this sign:
"Everything sucks...."
"You will perish from all forms of salvation...."
"We can't spell any words correctly..."
"Our church sign would guarantee our spot in hell..."

Others? Post in the comments section, SVP.

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"The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide"
submitted AND reviewed by Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Yeah, then the stupid tide takes out your finely crafted sand castle before your Mom can see it. I have deep-seated issues with the tide.

"Life is hard. Jesus is the answer."
submitted by Kelly Quinn, TX
Great, but that first sentence wasn't a question.

"Grace happens."
submitted by Eric (Eric's website)
So....grace and %$^* are interchangeable?

"After a week like yours, you need a church like ours."
submitted by Eric
Like "ours"? I know what they mean, but it sounds like they make the church what it is.

And my week was pretty good...is "their" church going to bring me down to a reasonable level or something?

"In order to understand God, you must stand under God."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Too bad for elephant proctologists that the same thing applies in their profession.



That last one was juvenile, sorry. Completely unacceptable.

The Map of Crumminess has been updated at the website.

Keep the signs coming here.


PS: I have to vent that at my house I have the following internet options: Dial-Up for $14.95 a month, guaranteed to throw you off at least 4 times per web session. I hate NetZero with a fiery passion. It took me 3 sessions just to write this &*^%& post.
My other option is Cable from ComCrap, at somewhere north of $50 a month.

Nothing in between those two speeds and prices. I swear Smyrna, TN is technologically somewhere in the late 80's to mid 90's. The worst part? My in-laws (also in Smyrna) have BLAZING fast DSL (faster than the cable at my school) for $24.95 a month. Just not available in "my end of town" (a 25,000 person metropolis, mind you).

We're moving to Nashville next year, and I can't freakin' wait.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.......

New Disclaimer

Just working on an update to the website, and wanted to point out a new feature.

With the enormous increase in traffic in the last couple of weeks (long-time readers: you wouldn't believe it if I told you...) , I have felt an increasing responsibility to explain the raison d'etre for Crummy Church Signs.

Click here to read the brand new Disclaimer. I hope long-timers and noobs alike will take a look.

The Map of Crumminess will be updated Tuesday morning also.

Thanks.

Actually, He might be at HIS wit's end, what with signs like these.....

submitted by frequent contributor Miss Kitty, GA
...at least I know I am.
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"If you always seem dog tired, maybe you growl too much."
submitted by Sarah Hairston, Rocky Mt. NC
Or maybe you pee on too many fire hydrants.

"In every failure is the seed to success."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor David Finch, DC
So if I were to use logic...in every success is the seed to failure. Probably true, but not quite as inspiring.

"If God has a wallet, would your picture be in it?"
submitted by Eva, Blue Bell PA
If Satan had a "Most Wanted" list, would your....oh forget it.

I also think the above sign would fit in the "Crummy Grammar" category, but I yield the floor to our resident English expert Miss Kitty on that one. Something about verb tenses, I think.

"God did some awesome stuff for you."
Anonymous submitter, sign from O'Fallon, MO
Rich Mullins really missed the boat with that song of his. Shoulda been "Our God did some awesome stuff..."

"Sin causes body odor. Gen. 3:19"
Anonymous submitter, sign from O'Fallon, MO
The Fall of Mankind...isn't it hilarious?!?

"Cold towards your mother? You'll be warmer later."
submitted by Johnna Hays, sign from Liberty SC
The only way this sign could have been worse is if they added the phrase "...just make sure it isn't when she is cold herself!" to the end.

"You were created to be an answer."
submitted by soon-to-be-added frequent contributor Nickie Albert, Mobile, AL
And this guy was created to be a Question.....

"Please keep your temper, nobody else wants it."
submitted by soon-to-be-added frequent contributor Nickie Albert, Mobile, AL
But I will take your tempura, if you're offering.



Thanks to Christopher Huston for supplying a picture of the sign from a couple of posts ago. As if it wasn't confusing enough before......
















A couple of things:
1. School just started (I'm a teacher AND a grad student) so updates will be a little less frequent, but a little larger each time.
2. Because of time constraints and a VAST increase in the number of submissions recently (not to mention the number of slams....heh heh) I have to pick and choose the really crummy ones. If I don't use yours, please don't feel offended. I either already reviewed it, or it just isn't crummy enough.
3. Also because of time constraints, I can't write everybody back and thank them for submissions. So: THANKS!!

Keep 'em coming.

"Feeling ugly? God thinks you are to-die-for!"

submitted by Alex Stevenson, Sydney, Australia
One day, I will see a sign so bad that I will immediately stop this blog and the website. It will ruin me on crummy church signs forever. This one very nearly was that sign.

I would make some snarky comment about "to kill for", but it would probably get taken out of context and the Australian secret service would be on my case.

"Does it mean nothing to all ye who pass by? Wise men still seek him!"
submitted by Sheya Joie, S. Texas
I am always surprised at the number of churches/Christians who profess shock that the entire world doesn't jump on board Christianity, when Jesus himself said that wouldn't be the case.

It takes the work of the Spirit. Outside of that, no amount of baffled-sounding church signs are going to help.

Who uses "ye" anymore?

"Everyone gives God credit. Few give Him cash."
submitted by Peter Elsner, sign from Arkansas
These people thought they were giving God cash. And that's not $$ from a small amount of people, right there.

Unfortunately, in many cases, they were wrong about the destination of their cash.

Keep 'em coming.

"Aspire to inspire before you expire."

And someone should retire before people conspire and he/she is required to be fired for the dire attire of their prior church signs.

"Love what God loves and hate what God hates."
submitted by Samantha, sign from South Dakota
I think I know what they mean...but this sounds allllll wrong, especially with the view that many people have about Christians:

"So....I love other Christians and hate gays and Democrats, right?!?!"


(No.)

"God is also a wireless provider."
submitted by Julie Berenga, sign from New Haven, IN
The new RAZR with a halo is sweet as ^%$#^#.

Keep 'em coming.

Caged Bikers Stay Away!

submitted by Dominique Newland. Sign from Raytown, MO
Well...I am not sure I can comment since I don't know what an uncaged biker is. But I know a Caged Biker sounds really cool! I would welcome them, too.

Either one would make one heck of an offertory performance, I am guessing.

"You can depend on God but can He depend on you?"
submitted by Anna Marye, sign from Alexandria, LA
God, being self-existent, doesn't really "depend" on anybody. And if He needed to, the answer to the question is "No." The whole fallen-state-of-humanity thing again.

"Jesus: Long cheekbones, no beard, bangs."
submitted by Anna Marye, sign from Missouri
So, Jesus is Richard Ashcroft? That is a bittersweet symphony, indeed.

(NOTE: As you think of others that fit the above description of Jesus, feel free to link to them in the comments section. Keep it clean.)

Big website update today. Check it out.

Keep the signs coming here.

Same sign, two submissions. It's that crummy.

submitted separately by Tracy Roach and Beth Peterson, Central SC
Whoever said Christianity and the sciences don't get along?!?
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submitted by Erik Young, sign from Harshorne, OK
Jesus is mad, this I know. For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones make him insane. When He comes, He'll bring the pain.
Yes, Jesus is mad.
Yes, Jesus is mad.
Yes, Jesus is mad.
The Bible tells me so.
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submitted by Mike Harras, Regina, SK, Canada
Does the FCC cover the internet, too? Maybe I will just reserve comment on this one....

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"Ghosts have the power to impersonate dead people."

submitted by Mike Harras, Regina, SK, Canada

Not to delve to deeply into pseudo-psycho-science....but aren't ghosts supposed to be dead people? I mean, if you can't even get your BAD philosophy right on a church sign, what hope does the real stuff have inside a church?!?

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"Thanksgiving comes early this year. You're welcome."

submitted by David Finch, DC

From the First Church of Patting Ourselves on the Back.

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"we like sheep"

submitted by unjust, sign from St. Peter, MN

Apparently, some pranksters stole the letters from the words "All" and "have gone astray" from this sign. Heh heh.

At least I sure hope that's why this sign says what it does.

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"Hell is hotter than August and a lot longer."

submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN

Since when is hell a time period?

Keep 'em coming.

Like the Jackson 5?

submitted by frequent contributor Miss Kitty, GA
Who else but the J5 might be responsible for a "simple but difficult" R&B? Why this church is interested in it, I have no idea. Perhaps they are going through the "ABC"'s of salvation. HAR!
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submitted by Mike Mueller. Sign from Middletown, RI
Dan Brown's salary: $88 million.
Tom Hanks' salary: $29 million.
With curses like those, who needs blessings?

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submitted by Josh Santangelo, Seattle, WA
...and let the cross be your chop sticks.

This helps explain why many signs sound like they came from a fortune cookie.
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"Jesus burst from the grave and exploded our hearts."
submitted AND reviewed by Drew Coombs, sign from Cleveland, TN
(NOTE: This space is reserved for Drew's review. It is completely offensive and unprintable. It is also, however, the funniest review I have ever had submitted, and therefore I cannot think of anything even remotely better. Suffice it to say it included Jesus, zombies, and Samuel L. Jackson's favorite curse word.)

"Practice Son control, not gun control."
submitted by Rev. MaryAnn McKibben Dana, TX
This is the one that might very nearly make me lose it, should I see it in person, even after lo these many 400-odd crummy church signs. Take away my Canadian, handgun-hating leanings, and this is still the worst of the worst.

Would anyone care to propose a way to practice Son control? "Put a safety on that Jesus, kids, or He could go off at any moment. Wouldn't want that."

"Satan: You are the weakest link. Goodbye!"
submitted by Erik Wannstrom. Sign in Bloomington, IN
Not a terrible sign, except for the fact that Erik saw it in 2006.

So, a piece of advice to all you bloggers. Get your site mentioned on Metafilter, b/c I got an absolute deluge of submissions following someone (muy thanks, konolia, whoever you may be!) mentioning my site on there. Not only submissions, but a ton of feedback also. A good half of the feedback was negative, but it's traffic, and traffic is always important when you run a not-for-profit website........ ;)

Keep 'em coming.

"The trees of the Lord are full of sap."

submitted by Becca McNew, TN
And if you judge by our church signs, the churches of the Lord are full of saps. Sadly.

"If you don't think God has a sense of humor, look in the mirror."
submitted by Becca McNew, TN
Oh, and come visit our church, you ugly &^%^%#$.

Couldn't they reference the platypus, the ostrich, or Jan and Paul from Trinity Broadcasting instead of potential parishioners? Or, better yet, why even tell the world that God has a sense of humor? "Oh, well if that's true, I had better turn to Him."

"Close the crackhouse, not the church house."
submitted by Becca McNew, TN
Well...that would explain some of these signs.

Thanks to Becca, first time contributor, wife of a friend, friend of a favorite former student, and new church sign friend. It's complicated.

See the catergorized archives at the Crummy Church Sign website.

Keep 'em coming.

Same sign, opposite sides:

Side 1: "God can't find us if we don't know we're lost."

Side 2: "God alone can find us if we're lost."

Never mind the fact that Side 1 is completely false (the Apostle Paul, anyone?), these signs seem completely contradictory (After a close read, they aren't contradictory. But don't they seem like it?)

So, according to these two signs.
1. We must know we are lost.
2. Then God can find us.
3. Only He can do it.

Well, one out of three isn't bad, I guess.

Keep 'em coming.

"If you act the way you want to be, soon you will be the way you act."

submitted by Cheryl Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
This sign represents the worst kind of prosperity Christianity imaginable. Wanna be a nice person? Just act like it, it will eventually happen. Wanna be rich? Max out your credit cards, get upside-down in a car note you can't afford, and move into a house large enough for 8 families....God will provide for you! Wanna be a Christian? Just do good deeds, that makes it happen! Wanna be healthy? Don't worry about doctors and medicine...just think healthy thoughts and live like you are healthy, God will heal you!

Complete B. S.

"A thousand mile journey begins with one step."
submitted by Cheryl Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
It ends that way, too.

BIG update on the website today. Check the new, recent category additions, the new, updated Map of Crumminess, and the new additions to The Trophy Room and The Hall of Shame.

Keep the signs coming!

I'll bet that this church has horns in their praise band...

submitted AND reviewed by Dianne Doede, WA
Well, I dunno....Revelation 21, maybe?

"Step on soles, not souls."
submitted AND reviewed by Dianne Doede, WA
Oh, no!! What have I been doing?!?

"Hear war in the Mideast? How safe are we?"
submitted by Dianne Doede, WA
This sign might be a little more frightening if someone could name me a time in the last....oh, I dunno...4,000 or so years when there hasn't been war in the Mideast.

"Jesus didn't say to ask the mountain to move."
submitted by Amy Jones. Sign from Starkville, MS
In this church's defense, the residents of Starkville, MS are in need of this type of positive, miracle-based thinking at the start of every college football season.

"Body piercing saved the world."
submitted by Amy Jones. Sign from Meeker, CO.
...as long as you forget about that resurrection thingy.

That sign reminds me to recommend this great book.

...and while I'm recommending recent stuff, you might also investigate this CD or this CD. If you like good pop/rock/alt music with an introspective bent.

"You can't walk with God and hold hands with Satan."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Can we just make out a little on the side?

"You should pay attention to your future. It is where you will spend the rest of your life."
Nice! A church that acknowledges the gospel of John 401:k over the gospel of John 3:16.

(I can just see it now...one day, in the audience of a televised golf tournament or squash match, some kook in the crowd with the rainbow wig and a hand-printed sign...JOHN 401:k. Heh heh.)

Two new states for the Map of Crumminess from this review (WA and CO)!! Thanks to Amy and Dianne, first time reviewers. I will update the Map soon over at the website.

Keep sending the signs in here.

Since when do churches have cheerleaders, and why are they composing the message on the church sign?!?

submitted by Miss Kitty, GA
Read! Matthew! Chapter! 25! Verse! 13!

"Come set with me"
submitted AND reviewed by Les DuLunch, GA
...Ain't nobody here but us chickens.

Keep 'em coming.

Almost at a loss for words.....(almost).....

submitted by Miss Kitty, GA. Sign from LaGrange, GA
Little or no experience writing a church sign that makes any sense at all? Yes, I agree.

I almost couldn't think of anything to say. Usually, to make fun of a sign, I have to have some idea of what they were trying to accomplish. I have no idea here.

"Jesus family reunion.
Sundays 8:00 and 11:00 AM"
submitted AND reviewed by Les DuLunch , McDonough, GA. Sign from Riverdale, GA
OK Jesus, you bring the drinks and I'll bring the deviled eggs...er...on second thought, I'll just bring the potato salad.

"If you are going to scatter thorns, don't go barefoot."
submitted by Les DuLunch. Sign from Stockbridge, GA
If, however, you are going to wear shoes, scatter all the thorns you want.

What a crappy message: If you're going to spread discord, make sure your own butt is covered first. Then, go ahead and wreak havok.

Actually, that sounds like par for the course for a lot of churches...no wonder we're so screwed up sometimes.

See the categorized archives here.

Send in your crummy signs here.

"God's last name is not dammit."

submitted by Beau Sorrell, Buffalo, MN
And my mother's last name is not....well, you know...but that doesn't mean I am gonna tell the whole neighborhood about it on my church sign.

You know how when kids are just learning to read, they read everything out loud? "But why shouldn't I say that word, mommy? I just read it off of our church sign!"

Nicely done, whoever thought of that idea.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

A big thanks to frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney for the nice post on his blog today. I am glad some people get a chuckle out of this idea, but I am even more glad when it provides a little bit of a service. (...and I do mean little).

Borrowing from one of Rev. Kenney's thoughts in his post, I am thinking of introducing WWJS bracelets (What Would Joel Say?).


I'm kidding.


-----------------------------------------------------------------

Minnesota joins the map of crumminess with this sign, courtesy of Beau!! An update soon....

You can see the aforementioned Map of Crumminess, as well as the categorized archives for this blog at www.crummychurchsigns.com

Keep sending the signs in here.

Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times....

submitted by Miss Kitty, GA. Sign from LaGrange, GA
Well, for Moses it took a bush on fire. Us: probably more, seeing as how we're no Moses.

And if you think this sign was bad, you should have seen the one from Northeast LaGrange Baptist, and (heaven forbid) the one from North-Northwest LaGrange Baptist Church. How big is this town that its Baptist churches need directional markers?

Keep sending them in here.

Turnaround: Every now and then I fall apart....

submitted by Jennie Sowers, New Castle, IN
Also that way you can beat the rush on the "Devil Days of September".

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submitted by Micah Larsen
I would be pretty fearful if I attended this church...it appears to meet in the median of a busy road!

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"If I try and be like someone else, who will try and be like me?"
submitted by Cheryl Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me. Oh, and I'm a sinner saved by grace.

"God is like honey. Mmmm Mmmm Good."
submitted by Utica Chisholm, Charlotte, NC
OK, if you are going to use a crappy pop culture reference, you must at least get it right!!!! Campbell's Soup is Mmmm Mmmm Good. Or at least it used to be. I will admit, however, that after some research: Honey needs a catchy slogan to up its street cred.

"Without the potter, I'm just a lump"
submitted by Wes Kenney. Sign from TX
These lumps lingered last in line for brains. The ones they got were sorta rotten and insane. Are these lumps out of my head? I think so.

(I also think they're out of their head.)

Lyric quiz: where'd I steal that last review?? Answer here.

"It is good to be saved and know it. But go on and show it."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
From Thomas C. Nelson Co.'s latest attempt to market the Bible: The Bible According to Dr. Seuss.

"Do your best, let Jesus do the rest."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
I'm feeling pretty lazy, so just use the same review as above.

"Here comes the sun!"
submitted AND reviewed by David Finch, DC
DUCK!! (Whew, that was a close one...Jesus nearly singed my eyebrows.)

"Time is a gift from God."
submitted AND reviewed by David Finch, DC
I hope He included a gift receipt in case its not my size.

"Jesus paid for your sins too. So why don't you let Him have them?"
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
If He already paid for them...didn't he have to have them to do that? I think this crummy church sign just proved Calvinism, though I don't think it intended to.

(Please don't email me complaining if you don't think that last sign proved Calvinism. It was just a joke. Even though it really did....) :)

Thanks for the onslaught of signs! Keep 'em coming!

Also, be sure to check www.crummychurchsigns.com for the archives!!

Crummy Church Signs Dot Com is LIVE!

The next generation of Crummy Church Sign reviews is upon us....cruise on over to www.crummychurchsigns.com and see what's new!!

Here's a quick overview:

1. Crummy Church Signs organized by category.

Categories include:

- Crummy Theology

-Crummy Plays on Words

-Crummy Attempts to be Cute

-Crummy Attempts to Sound Wise

-Crummy Grammar

-Crummy Pop Culture References

-WTF?!?!

-Hell Is Not Funny

2. Crummy Church Signs special collections.

Including the "Hall of Shame", collecting the worst church sign offenders from the above 8 categories, and "The Trophy Room", collecting the funniest reviews from the above 8 categories.

3. Frequent Contributors

Meet the people who make Crummy Church Signs tick.

(PS: If you are featured in Frequent Contributors and don't like what you see, email me a correction, a new picture, or a new link).

There are also people I already need to add to the F.C. page, like Micah and Utica. Stay tuned!!

4. The Map of Crumminess

The completely redesigned Map of Crumminess is available on the front page for easy access!!

5. Kudzoo Archives

Crummy Church Signs got its start at the now defunct KudzooJesus website.

Now, collected for the first time since then, are the other most popular parts of KudzooJesus: Mr. O.T. and Crazy Jay!

Be sure to let me know what you think. Also, if you find any typos, dead links, or the like, please let me know. I will also accept any recommendations for signs that belong in the Hall of Shame or the Trophy Room.

This blog will continue in operation as before. The new website will simply act as a more useful archival system, as well as giving more web presence to the phenomenon that is Crummy Church Signs.

As always, keep sending in the church signs.

400 Crummy Church Signs!!

The four signs at the bottom of this post make up signs #397-400 that have been reviewed on Crummy Church Signs. And it is apparent from the continuing lack of quality that this blog is doing little, if anything, to stop the spread of this tripe. Ah well, it's fun for me to write and hopefully fun for you all to read.

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT TO CELEBRATE 400 CRUMMY SIGNS: I am in the final stages of developing www.crummychurchsigns.com and I will begin uploading soon!! I will continue to update this blog, and the new website will simply serve as an archive, with funny categories, halls of fame, halls of shame, a page for frequent contributors, the Map of Crumminess, and some fun surprises as well. With that being said, if you are a frequent contributor (and if you think you are, then you are), feel free to email me a short 2-line bio of yourself as well as a picture and a link (or two) to any web presence you would like to be linked to (a blog, a website, a church, etc.). For those of you who have frequently submitted and have blogs of your own, I used whatever picture you use on your blog profile, and I linked to your blog. Feel free to correct any of that you would like corrected. It's sort of a "street team" approach, for those of you familiar with music/band marketing. This is a little way for me to say "thanks" for helping this blog run smoothly. I really wish I could afford to do more.

Look for the launch of www.crummychurchsigns.com later on this week!! I will post here when it is ready.

On with the reviews:

"Little is huge with God in it."
So, if I take something huge and put God in it, it becomes little? I really beg to differ.

"Everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die."
submitted by Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Try telling that to Charles Bronson.

"If you don't set any goals, you're sure to hit them."
Submitted by Micah Larsen, sign from Wisconsin
The literal opposite of this sign being, "If you do set goals, you're sure to not hit them." Nice.

"Be an artist. Draw on God."
Better yet, be an idolater and draw God.

Send more in here.

"Laughter makes a person complete"

submitted by Micah Larsen (Micah's Blog)
Then why do these hilarious church signs make me feel so empty inside?

I wonder if that one was a sermon title....

"If everything is coming at you, you're in the wrong lane."
submitted by Micah Larsen
Or you're in Britain.

"If Jesus is in your heart, please tell your face."
submitted by Micah Larsen
Finally, a church that is sick and tired of all its parishoners being....ugly? Deformed?

"Take the time to look around and see all the happiness the world has to offer."
submitted by Micah Larsen
Then cling to this world like grim death, as if it is the only thing that can possibly hold meaning in your life.

"See all the happiness the world has to offer": Dontcha think Jesus would have had a much higher quality of life if he had taken this perspective?

"God is good without the extra 'o' "
submitted AND reviewed by Scott Hartman, Sprinfield MO
And Satan is Stan without the extra 'a' .

"Jesus loves you: deal with it."
submitted by Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
But do not (under any circumstances) allow him to deal with you.

"A strong fish goes against the flow."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
...in order to mate. Is this really the message we want to send to our young people?

Thanks to Micah, coming strong with the first time submissions. I have been working hard on the next phase of this blog, so forgive the increasingly more infrequent updates. I am almost done, and it should all be worth it. :)

Keep 'em coming.

"Good night, Mrs. Witt. We'll see you in the morning."

submitted by Sarah Mitchell. Sign from Lynchburg, VA
Let me know if Mrs. Witt is cooking breakfast, and I'll see her in the morning too.

One can only suppose Mrs. Witt passed away?? Or something?? Boy is that a messed up, confusing sign.

"Sit in demonstration Sunday morning."
submitted by Sarah Mitchell. Sign from Nelson County VA
Can we sue for false advertising if they ask us to stand at any point during the morning service? I imagine some cute punch line delivered Sunday morning: "This morning we are here "demonstrating" our love for Jesus...." Gag.

"You can't stumble when U are on your knees."
submitted by Miss Kitty. Sign from LaGrange, GA (Miss Kitty's blog)
Today's church sign proudly brought to you by Sinead O'Connor.

"Patience: A bitter plant that produces sweet fruit."
submitted by Miss Kitty.
Nothing like a church sign that could be useful for every single denomination, religion, worldview, creed, code, organization, affiliation, political party, or labor union. I guess if a church is out to please everyone, it can't go wrong with something like this.

"If loving Jesus was a crime, would you go to jail?"
submitted by Cindy Tucker. Sign from Fairfield, OH.
Dunno. I hope so. However, if crummy church signs were crimes, I don't think we could come up with cell space in all the jails in the lower 48.

I'm on the road right now, but I think the Map of Cruminess is due an update when I return.

By the way, we are fast approaching our 400th different sign submitted and reviewed. Thanks so much to all of my submitters for making that possible!! Expect some big announcements in the days and weeks to come to celebrate the occasion.

Thanks, keep sending them in.

"Pobody is nerfect"

submitted by Wes Kenney, OK
But just because you're not "nerfect", that doesn't mean you have to completely suck, especially on your church sign for all to see.

And since when are we supposed to celebrate that fact? When Jesus was hanging on the cross do you think He chuckled to himself, "Well, I'm only here because pobody is nerfect!"

Sheesh.

"Some people wear their halos too tight."
submitted by Kyle Evans. Sign from Gadsden, AL
Someone should point out an even bigger problem to this church: Some people wear their halos...period.

"Use your computer for good."
submitted by Kevin Sample. Sign from Columbia, TN
Only as soon as you all stop using your church signs for evil.

Keep 'em coming.

" 'Supper's on' - God"

submitted by Jonathan Smyth, AL
Aw, man....bread and wine AGAIN?!?!

I will ask again: What happens when a hungry person stops by and wants to be fed? I mean, there's advertising and everything.

"God asks for progress not perfection."

submitted by Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
"Y'know Adam & Eve, I said not to eat of the fruit of that tree. But since you are making some really nice progress on the garden, I'll let it slide this once."

Keep in touch.

My worship goes all the way to eleven.

"Your level of worship is determined by your level of gratitude."
submitted by Wes Kenney. Sign from Valliant, OK
...not to mention your level of salvation.



(That was sarcasm, for the theologically challenged).

How does one measure "level of worship" anyhow? Volume of sweatdrops (in gallons)? Height (in feet) your hands reach when raised to heaven? Volume of singing (in decibels)? Number of trips to the altar (per month)?

I am also not sure how to measure "levels of crumminess". I just know this one goes all the way to eleven.

More.

"The rabbits foot didn't work for the rabbit."

But a horseshoe definitely worked for me....when I chucked it through your crappy-&%^$ church sign.

Send them here.

Don't "Onto" and "Unto" mean different things, dude?

submitted by Whitney Archer, sign from S. Padre Island, TX
I suppose it could've been worse. I have dark visions of "Jesus hung for you. Will you Hang 10 for Him?"

And check this out: They used an upside-down "M" on "own", and an upside-down "W" on "Him". That's freakin' hilarious.

This marks my first entry from a beach store. Who knew?

"Want a freebie salvation?"
submitted by Utica Chisholm, Charlotte, NC
Want to ask Jesus about "freebie"?

Looks like North Carolina moves up a level on the Map of Crumminess.

Keep 'em coming.

Don't call it a comeback...I've been here for years....

Name another church sign website that quotes LL Cool J. Dare ya.

I missed you guys. Let the reviews commence again!
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submitted by Jennie Sowers, IN
As opposed to living water that keeps you alive. Cool is much better, apparently.

And how about the name of that church? Sounds like a 21-and-older establishment.

Not that I would know.

Keep 'em coming.

Ovila Bezaire, 1923-2006

My grandfather, a kind, caring, gentle, interesting, intelligent, talented, and very private man, passed away this week. (Link to obituary) He was loved dearly, and will be missed by all of the family.

This post is completely off topic for the blog, but I think many of you will find it interesting nonetheless. The charity of Gramps' choice, in lieu of flowers, is the website/project LadyBug Drive For A Cure . This is truly a fascinating story. My uncle, Gramps' youngest son, helped rebuild a fully functional Volkswagen Bug with the body/interior entirely made of wrought iron. For real. Here's a picture, and trust me when I say it's even more stunning in person:











Again, the picture doesn't do it justice, as it is a work of pure art. It really drops jaws everywhere it goes.

Anyhow, the other main builder of the car is taking his entire family on a cross-Canada drive to raise money for Breast Cancer research and awareness. The link above details the itenerary and purpose of the fundraising effort. The project is really starting to gain momentum in Canada and beyond.

I just posted this on here in case some of you have been touched by breast cancer, or cancer of any type and feel led to donate. This type of post will not become habitual on CCS, but I view it as a chance to both honor Gramps' memory and possibly help raise some funds for a worthy (and interesting) cause.

Thanks for reading and, of course, my family covets your prayers at this time.

God bless. My readers rule.

- J.B.

I'd like to solve the puzzle, Pat.....

submitted by Jennie Sowers, New Castle, IN
If I guess whatever the heck the sign means, do I win an extra prize? Did we just hang God or something?

"We are a group of down to earth people worshipping our out of this world God."
Attaway to make it not sound at all like Heaven's Gate or something similar.

Keep sending them in.

Knock, knock. Who's There? Satan. Satan Who?

"When Satan knocks at
your door simply say
Jesus would you get
that for me?"
submitted AND reviewed by David Jacks, TX
Oh, and hey, Jesus, while you're up, I could use one of those drinks with the little umbrella in it.

Heh heh. More, please.

"To master temptation, let Christ master you."

submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Good sentiment, but very, very, very strangely phrased.
If I were one of those sign bandits, the ones that drive around and change the letters on signs to say something funny or naughty or dirty....this sign would be an absolute gold mine.

Keep 'em coming.

That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight....

"To really enjoy religion, you must first have it, then use it."
Do we really like the term "religion" nowadays? I thought we dropped that in favor of "relationship". I swear I even cast a vote on it.
And how, exactly, am I supposed to "use it"? Like a hammer? No thanks.

"Marching orders for God."
FOR God? I would like to see the poor sucker who has to deliver those orders.
Once again, problems with the English language rear their ugly heads. Methinks they mean "FROM God." At least I hope for their sake that they do.

Keep 'em coming.