The First Commentary Contest Winner!

Congrats to DJ Williams, our first ever commentary contest winner! It was a very close vote, but DJ pulled it out in the end.

Second place goes to Steve Sensenig, with:

"The gospel according to Van Gogh"

Third place goes to Poke with:

"Sadly, the flame war between the Christian Otologist Federation (COF) and the League of Christian Dentists (LCD) will never end."

Congrats to all three excellent entries, and to everyone who participated!

DJ: Email me with your mailing address, you win a copy of the Crummy Church Signs book!
Also, here's an award badge you can post on your blog:


I'll have a new commentary contest Monday, but in the meantime here is some more crumminess:

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"Pentecost Sunday/ Sermon/No Comma Momma/Happy Mother's Day"

submitted by new contributor Trevor P.

Well at least this church sign admits they're not going to bother with punctuation.

On the other hand: Does anybody know what the &^%$ they're talking about??
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"The deacons told me to change this sign so I did"
submitted by frequent contributor Rachel H.

There is a certain something to be said about devotion to one's job.

You just shouldn't say it about this sign.
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" 'We'll see each other again, Mom' the dead man sat up and said"
submitted by frequent contributor Barbara B.
This Sunday, a very special "Tales from the Crypt" edition of Sunday School.

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"What is to give light must endure burning."
submitted by frequent contributor Barbara G.
So I should stop taking this penicillin??

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New sign posting format: Yea or Nay??

In case you missed it yesterday, a big "THANKS" to frequent contributor BRWombat for the new header. Great job!

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The Wombat Wins

BRWombat rocked the house with the new header. Thanks, pal!!

Also, due to popular demand, I will now post captions of each sign below each picture to help people read the sign. I liked Daniel #2's idea of an tag, but that doesn't help those who can't read the picture either.


Crummy Church Signs: Soliciting free work from other bloggers with nothing better to do since 2004. Oh, and also helping out people with crappy eyesight and terrible employment situations (c).

(I think that slogan is too big for a business card).

Behold, our omnipresent God:

submitted/originally posted by Susannah P.
Look, kid: He'd really like to come to your soccer game and all, but there's a universe that needs to be run...
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submitted by MJ
Of course, God coming to you in a vision is always helpful...
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submitted by MJ
Siign mee uup for soome of thaat!
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submitted by MJ
He can, however, be mostly a failure.
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submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold Hendrix
Turn the car around!! TURN THE CAR AROUND!!
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"Laughter is God's sunshine"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Tara
Snarking is God's little lightning bolt.
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"God's grace is dripping like honey"
submitted by frequent contributor Tara
...though sometimes it might feel stuck, like ketchup.
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Reader Scott B. has recently complained that his work has blocked pictures from any blogspot website. He asked that I post captions of each picture so he can "get" the snark afterwards. I have a couple questions:

1. Would this benefit anyone else?
2. Would doing this disrupt the "flow" of the joke? I don't want readers to have look for line after line to find the punchline. Would it be disruptive to put the text of the sign every time? Or not?
3. Does anyone know of any new employment for Scott? Because, really: Who wants to work somewhere they can't read CCS??

Please comment below...
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I really need a new header. I took the old one down, I was never really happy with it. I also wouldn't mind changing the color scheme around to match a new header.

Is there anybody out there that wants to make me a new header? If you make one that I like, I'll send you a copy of my book. That's about all I can offer (well, that and some duplicate heroclix I have lying around, and maybe an old CD of my band. So, the book it is!!)

Here's what my header needs:
- 715 pixels (wide) by approximately 250 pixels tall, though it can be a bit taller if it needs to.
- CRUMMY CHURCH SIGNS as the largest text
- "Critical Analyses of Critically Bad Church Signs" as a subtitle

Here's what it could say, but doesn't have to:
- A humor-blogs.com affiliate
- 1 Corintians 4:14: "I am not writing this to shame you but to warn you.."
(OK, I'm writing this to do a little of both).
- Pictures of any of the crummiest signs from this site.

The church sign generator might be of some use as well.

If anyone plans to tackle this project and has any questions, please let me know. In the meantime, I'll keep playing around with ideas and I might accidentally stumble on something I like. I'm not holding my breath, though.
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Voting is almost over. Midnight tonight deadline. There's a new leader!! I'll post the winner tomorrow, along with some fresh (stale?) crumminess.

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Work in progress.

I've been working on some new headers and color combinations.

I have to leave now, and this is where I have stopped. I don't know if I'm keeping it.

It's sort of a 50:50 relationship:

submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney
Sola Factum.
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submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney
So does this sign, since it falls flat.
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submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney
But if your Armor of God is made of wool, you have much bigger problems.

Like this kid, for example.
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submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney
Do I hear one? One wasted experience in the life God controls? Thank you sir! How about two? Two wasted experiences?? Thanks, ma'am...THREE wasted experiences?!? Do I hear three??

This sign isn't that crummy...but it is quite a guilt trip.
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submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney
But really, are either of those are the best option?
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In case you never read who submits each sign, today was "Rev. Wes Kenney Day" here at CCS. Thanks, brother!

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One more day to vote! It's getting tighter!

Also you can get your voting thrills over at Mattress Police. Some great entries this week! (Except for Brad, who is lobbying to become the first 4x winner at Mattress Police. This is something I want to do first. So his caption is not funny this week and should not be voted for :) )


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Proof That This Blog Isn't Helping (or, "Three of the Worst Signs Ever Submitted.")

submitted by new contributor Rev. David T.
Don't mind us, folks. We'll just be over here lighting the witches on fire and watching the sun revolve around the earth.


And we wonder why Rolling Stone writes articles like this.

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seen on Nicholas Casey's blog. Originally posted on the Church Sign Generator's collection of church signs.
Do it, by all means. Just don't let Him catch you.

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submitted by frequent contributor Julie S.
Someone there is that doesn't like a church sign.
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800+ church signs, 3-and-a-half years of blogging, one book published...and I still get three church signs of this epically low quality submitted within days of each other.

Excuse me for a moment whilst I go and slam my head repeatedly on my desk for a while.

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OK, I'm back.

Remember you have until Thursday to get your votes in on the commentary contest.

The race is tightening up. Who's it going to be?!?

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VOTE for the BEST COMMENT!

Steve Sensenig:
"The gospel according to Van Gogh"

D.J. Williams:
"But honestly, your face as a whole isn't your best tool."

Allen's Brain:
"Why the Winged Victory of Samothrace is so lonely."

Alli:
"What?!?! I just spent 4 grand on braces!!"

Saint Schizophrenia:
"Yeah, only those who like aural sex."

Bruce:
"However if you don't want any friends at all, try using a sign."

Eric P:
"From "Too Polite Euphemisms, Vol. 7". Listed under 'Shut Up'. "

Poke:
"Sadly, the flame war between the Christian Otologist Federation (COF) and the League of Christian Dentists (LCD) will never end."

Diesel:
"On the other hand, it's not really about quantity, is it?"

Scott Gordon:
"Perhaps God should have thought of that when He made Eve for Adam."

Opinion Polls & Market Research

If you vote, feel free to leave a comment about who you voted for, why you liked their comment, and anyone else you considered. Remember that the winner receives a signed copy of the Crummy Church Signs book. I also might make a little web banner that they can put on their blog.

This first contest really exceeded my expectations in terms of both the quantity and quality of the comments. There were about 5 or 6 others I really wanted to include. Great job, everyone!! I have an absolutely terrible sign saved up for the next contest, which I'll probably bust out next Monday. That is, if you all enjoyed the contest. Is this something you'd like to see more of at CCS? Let me know in the comments section, please! And if you just can't get enough commenting, today is the last day to get your captions in for Diesel's Incredible Hulk themed contest.

In the meantime, I have maybe the worst sign ever submitted for tomorrow. Really. No lie. You have to see this to believe it.


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Watch for Water in Roadway:

submitted/post title by frequent contributor BRWombat
Is must be the rogue Shakespearean troupe performing near the water that's hindering you.


(Bible verses are normally OK. But could we please give it some context....and a translation from the past 250 years?)
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submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat
Oh, good. Now that I know what it isn't I'll be sure to recognize it when I see it.


BRWombat and I agree: Why wouldn't they finish that verse?!? Or just put the last half??
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submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombat
It means someone should proofread your signs?
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"At the end of your inning, don't strike out."
submitted by frequent contributor Rachel H.
But if you pop out to the shortstop, that's OK.
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Commentary has ended on the contest. I have a pretty good idea of the Top Ten already, but I'll review this weekend. Come back Monday for the poll and vote for your favorite! I'll announce the winner next Thursday after a few days of voting.

Meanwhile if you can't get enough captioning, I'm pretty sure Diesel is due for another caption contest starting today. See how I timed that? Do you see what I did there??
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I have had two of the worst signs ever submitted this past week. I'll come back with one early next week, and I might just save the other for the next commentary contest. Either way...you don't want to miss next week's posts. Wow.
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It's Hard Out There For A Church Secretary...

submitted by Glacial Spain
Well instead of trying to change the sign daily, they should move to weekly.

(Except that most church signs are already done "weakly".)

HAR!
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submitted by frequent contributor Micah L.
Their preacher must get really tired.
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submitted by frequent contributor Micah L.
Your character, maybe.
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"We are open between Easter and Christmas"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Allen's Brain
...but from Christmas to Easter, we're closed.
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Get your comments in by midnight! I'll choose the best ones over the weekend and post a poll on Monday's post. Remember, the winner receives a copy of my book!

Back with more crumminess tomorrow!
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