Spit Is Finished

"Salavation is the miracle of a moment. Growth is the labor of a lifetime."
submitted by new contributor Sarah B.
Correct spelling is "the miracle of a moment" anymore. Sheesh.

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"The Big Bang Theory. Your kidding."
submitted by new contributor Matt S.
Those scientists and their crazy senses of humor! Is there a hidden camera around here somewhere?!?

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"It's never too late to be what you might have been."

submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney
...as long as you've got enough open road to get 'er up to 88 mph.

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"Weather? God reigns and His Son shines!"
submitted by frequent contributor Sammi H.
What does the first question mean? Do I have weather in my life? Yes, pretty much every day some sort of weather manifests itself outside my back door. Amazing, really.

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Get your votes in on the caption contest by tomorrow! And while you're at it, get your votes in on Diesel's caption contest. Yours truly has a caption in the running, and needs to catch up to Brad in overall wins. So far, it doesn't look too promising....

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Boo!

"What's around that corner?"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombat
Today's guest preacher: Stephen King

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"Faith grows best when rooted in tests."

submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat
Uhhh...."False"??

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"Mother: God's angel of love"

submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombat
I knew it! I knew they weren't human!

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"Is Jesus your friend?"
submitted by frequent contributor Sandi Y.
...because you should have heard some of the things He was saying about you.

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Voting began yesterday...be sure to get your choice in by Thursday. I've seen Poke, Quilly, and Kadi asking for votes...but what about the rest of our candidates?

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Vote for your favorite comment!

Poke:
"And for the love of God, cover up your melons, Shiela!"

St. Schizophrenia:
"Actually, I have no use for songs about milk and honey, crab apples or not."

Tara:
"Unfortunately, this month's potluck was not the success everyone had hoped for."

Quilly:
"Because you're pissing off the bees and curdling the milk."

Dan:
"Unfortunately, the sign committee broke cardinal rule #1: Never vote on a sign when you're hungry."

Kadi:
"Join the Wadded Panties Choir and lay your burdens at the cross (and on the ears of the congregation!)

msforster:
"I think we're living more in the land of beer and corn chips these days.

Eric P:
"Crushed by the negative reviews, "Exodus: The Musical" closed later that week."

Wes K.:
"...because you can't participate in the produce competition and the talent show at the same time; they're on opposite ends of the fairground."

gridlock:
"Only ladies with coconuts or larger are allowed to sing."

Opinion Polls & Market Research

More crumminess all week! Stay tuned!

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Showtime at the Appalling:

Sign 1: "Who was the greatest female financier?"
Sign 2: "Pharoah's daughter. She drew a prophet from the bank"
submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Rev. Steve K.
These signs may cause people to lose interest.

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Warning Sign: "Crew working in trees"
Church Sign: "God promises a safe landing not a calm passage."
submitted by frequent contributor Chris J.
File this one under "You know it's time to take a day off from work when..."


Note: Yes, I know I can blow the pictures up to see the signs better. What's funny about this one is the juxtaposition of the church sign and the working sign. No emails about this particular one, please. It's on purpose.
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"Of all the things (I) wear, my expression is the most important"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Chris J.

Really? 'Cause I was kinda hoping you'd say "pants".

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"A hug is the best gift. One size fits all."
submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Tara
Well I hate to tell you, but that hug makes your ass look HUGE.

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"Thank heavens for godly mothers."
submitted by frequent contributor Tara
...and to hells with the rest.

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Commenting in the second contest has ended. Next Monday, I'll put up the top 10 captions for your voting pleasure. Thanks to everyone who participated!!

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Yes, Youk.

"Who, Meek?" Galations 5:22
submitted/post title by frequent contributor Poke
"Galations" must be in that Mormon bible or something...

...and, by the way, it's Galatians 5:23 that talks about meekness.

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"W.W.J.D. Your website for eternity."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Poke
The church for people who know nothing about the internet.

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"Soft soap in the pulpit won't clean the sinner in the pew!"

submitted by new contributor Aaron C.
It's true: Lava goes nicely with all that hellfire and brimstone.

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"The people who do their best today are the ones to beat tomorrow."
submitted by frequent contributor Barbara B.
Because beating people is what it's all about.

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RC of StrangeCulture is running a neat series on a particular church sign. Check it out!

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Friend of CCS Rickey posted this hilarious letter to Indiana Jones from his accountants. Great stuff, check it out.

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Comments are due by midnight tonight!

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Twice the Crumminess:

"No one is poor who has had a Godly mother."

"Nobody is poor who has had a Godly mother"
both signs submitted by frequent contributor MJ
These signs were seen within a mile of each other on the same road.

Didn't their Godly mothers teach them never to copy someone else's work??
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"Heaven, don't miss it for the world."
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney
I've seen the trailer, and it does look pretty sweet.

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"Keep using My Name like that and I'll make traffic worse!"
submitted by new contributor Matt P.
Exodus 20:5: "For I, the Lord your God am a jealous God...and sort of spiteful, with a bit of a mean streak as well..."

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"If wishes were fishes we'd live in the sea."
submitted by Christopher S.
And if Crummy Church Signs were candy and nuts, we'd all have a Merry Christmas.

WTF are they talking about??

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"Come see Young Song"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Christine
Chopsticks provided upon request.

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"Gossip is worse than a lie, because there's some truth to gossip."
submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Bookgrunt
...and second degree domestic violence is worse than murder, because at least you loved her.

What a horrible sign.

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Get your comments in by tomorrow!

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Just say whatever comes to your mind...

"Say it til it sticks"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombat
"Don't make crummy signs....don't make crummy signs...don't make crummy signs..."

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"A woman that fear the Lord she shall be praised"
submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat
And a woman who utilizes correct subject-verb agreement shall not be mocked mercilessly.

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"There's a miracle in the house!"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombat
Quick! Shut the doors! Call the exterminator!

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"God is never too busy to listen"
submitted by frequent contributor Poke
Huh? I'm sorry, did you say something?

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"Is your Bible red or read?"
submitted by new contributor Curtis F.
Mine's plaid. Does that count?

What are they talking about??
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"Avoiding a decision is a decision."
submitted by frequent contributor Sandi Y.
I'll try and figure out whether I agree with that later.

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"The great oak was once a nut that stood its ground"
submitted by new contributor Ann S.
...so there's hope for some of our congregants yet.

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There's still a few days to get your comments in. We've got some good ones so far, but there's still plenty left to be said about the crab apple sign!

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The Second CCS Commentary Contest!

"No use singing about milk and honey if all you have
to show is crab apples."

This week's sign comes courtesy of frequent contributors Chris and Sharon Bridges.

If you're new to the commentary contest, you can read the rules here.

Have your comments in by Thursday at midnight, and I'll post a Top Ten poll next Monday. We had 83 different comments (some with multiple commentaries) for our first ever contest, so let's see if we can beat that next time!

Once again, I have a copy of the Crummy Church Signs book for the winner! You might also notice that in the right-hand sidebar I've established overall standings for these contests. If you've been paying any attention at all, you can probably figure out the scoring system....

I've got a bunch of crumminess lined up, so stay tuned all week!

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