Do you mean "Jeebus Chirst"??

"If you must compare yourself with someone compare yourself with Chirst."

submitted by Tasia A.
Point of comparison #1: I exist. "Chirst" doesn't.


Also, I love that this exchange apparently took place at some point:
SIGN COMPANY: What font would you like your church name in?
PASTOR: Comic Sans, baby!!

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"Your son: your mother. My God. My God."
submitted by Becky S.
I always do terribly on these analogy tests...

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"God said, 'I am who I am!' Follow me."
submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney
Or Popeye? Maybe it was Popeye who said that...

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"We don't read palms here: We wave them - on Palm Sunday, Hosanna to the King of Kings!"
submitted/asst. reviewed by Gene A.
We may not read palms on Palm Sunday, but you should see the sanctuary after Entrail Tuesdays...

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"When you are in Him and He is in you great things happen"
submitted by Randy B.
NEXT!

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"It is strange how skating on thin ice can get you in hot water."
submitted by Colin S.
I'm pretty sure this is how the Proverbs would have read if King Solomon had lived in Canada instead of Canaan.

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"When all else fails, trust God."
submitted/asst. reviewed by Mark B.

...but not a second before!

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OK, I Twitter now. At least, in theory I will. Follow me?

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Praized and Confused...

"God loves weed, too"
submitted by Doug L.
...and we finally have an explanation for the platypus!

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"We practice human sacrifice"
submitted by Leslie O.
We're still practicing because we're not very good yet...we keep only maiming instead of sacrificing.

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"Comfort the disturbed. Disturb the comforted."
submitted by frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy D.
To finish the quote: Should I bury the dead and roast them afterwards, too?

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"I had something different in mind"
submitted/asst. reviewed by Gene A.
Pastor: 'About our church sign; I had something different in mind...'
Deacon: 'OK, got it!'

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"Remember you are dust"
submitted by frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy D.
No wonder I keep sneezing; I'm allergic to myself.

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And finally, this gem of a pastor's name submitted by frequent contributor S.K. Sutton:

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Quite a post today. When else would "We Practice Human Sacrifice" get pushed down to the #2 slot?!?

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Harry Potter and the Church Signs of Crumminess

"God is the Potter. Not Harry."
submitted by Katie G.
Also, God plays a kick-ass game of Quidditch.

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"God knit not knots but you. Psalm 139"
submitted by Mandy B.
The Psalms, as interpreted by Dr. Suess.

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"Failing to forgive someone let's them live in your head rent free."
submitted by frequent contributor Micah L.
Well, as long as they take their extraneous apostrophes with them when they leave...

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"Be Our Guest. Pastor Disney"
submitted by Norma K.
Put our service to the test. Tie a napkin 'round your neck, cherie...


(Not so crummy a sentiment, but surely they're asking for it, right?)

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Finally, what is it with all the chocolate signs lately? First of all there was the single sign I included in last week's post, and now these:

"The spirit of chocolate"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Courtney R.
There's a sweet, sweet spirit in this place.

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"Happiness is sharing chocolate with a friend."
submitted by frequent contributor Micah L.
But true joy is keeping it all for yourself.

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So, leave it to me to have a completely selfish reason for finally posting again:

I need your votes over at Diesel's caption contest. Please?!?

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Also, I'm going to try and turn commenting back on. If any of you are still out there reading, please let me know.

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What's going on?

Hi all. Sorry for the lack of posting lately. I had the flu for a while, baseball season started for me (I coach), things got really busy at work....etc. I'll be back sometime, but wanted you to know I'm not dead.

Also, commenting is turned off because some d-bag spammed about 300 of my posts with comments. So comments gone until further notice. Sorry. Thanks, 'zhu'! Hope that was a rewarding few hours you spent.

Anyhow, here's some crumminess to tide you over until I'm back full time; it comes to us courtesy of frequent contributor Rev. Charles S.

"Buy Jesus Chocolate!"
Is Jesus the subject of this sentence, or an adjective modifying the subject?

Super Bowled-Over by Stupidity:

"Exodus 20:15 says it is a Cardinal sin to be a Steeler."
submitted by Alicia H.
Exodus 20:16 talks about how bad is to be 'a Lion', too.


Note: You guessed it, this sign is from AZ.

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"God's weariness remedy is a full dose of Himself."
submitted by frequent contributor Peter K.
So serving God has the same medicinal benefits as caffeine?


(Virgins who are pregnant or could become pregnant should consult a doctor while taking 'Himself'...)

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"The 'party' in hell has been cancelled due to fire."
submitted by Phoebe N.
Shoot...that was gonna be the best part!!

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Long time readers might remember this sign, from frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney:

Well, now Wes sends us in a partner church to the above "Blue Baptist". It is, of course, named "Pink Baptist":

Nice to know we have His & Hers churches in Oklahoma.


(Note: They're named after the towns in which they are located)

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"Sheep suffer without complaining."
submitted by frequent contributor Sandi Y.
What the hell are they doing to their poor sheep?

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"Serve Jesus and everything else is background noise."
submitted by frequent contributor Sandi Y.
Huh? What??

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Note to submitters: If the picture of the church sign you send in includes people mock-fornicating on the ground in front of it, I'm just gonna have to edit it out before I post it.

Thanks for understanding.

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Not sure if it's just my computer, but I seem to be having some issues with PhotoCrank. Stay tuned...

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Humor-blogs seems to be having some issues also, but you could go here to vote for this post. Please?!?!

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The Gospel According to Tony Hawk:

"Raise up a child in the way he should go. Extreme Sports Videos every Sat. 7 PM"
submitted by Susan McQ
When Jesus entered my life, dude, he made me do a complete 360...

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"Engage a new life with Hope Peace Joy"
submitted and asst. reviewed by f.c. S.K. Sutton
Hope, Peace and Joy?!? What is this, "Big Love"?

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"Live the revelation of the cross, blood, and DNA of Jesus."
submitted/asst. reviewed by f.c. S.K. Sutton
This week, on CSI Jerusalem...

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"Acts of kindness are gifts we give God."

submitted by frequent contributor Peter K.
More like bribes...that way He owes you.

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"Snowmen came from heaven unassembled"
submitted by frequent contributor Megan W.
Ahhhh!!! It's raining down carrots and coal! Ruuuuunnnnn!!!!

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"Check out Jesus before He checks you out."
submitted by frequent contributor Kelly Q.
"Honey...who's that creepy Nazarene man peeking in the window at us?!?"

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After a loooong dry spell, I'm once again a finalist in a Mattress Police caption contest. Go vote for your favorite caption by a church sign blogger. Voting ends today, so hurry...I need all the help I can get.

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