Fear not, true believers (a little tribute to Stan Lee there)....here is the next batch of Crummy Church Signs imported from KudzooJesus. Thanks to everyone who has emailed me regarding this first batch, seems like some people actually missed these!! And thanks to all the new fans who have written. Let me know whatcha think of these (and keep the new signs coming!):
“God’s army marches on their knees”
Man, I hope they wear “Toughskins” ©.
“What vitamins do Christians need? 2 B1 Daily.”
Submitted by Kevin Sample, Birmingham, AL
Speaking of vitamins, some church signs need a child-proof lid. No poor unsuspecting youngster should be exposed to this garbage.
“You don’t need to be a musician to keep harping on something.”
Submitted by Scott Dowling, Nashville, TN
No, you just have to review church signs.
“Heart Vision Sacrifice: Ten versus Two”
Does anyone have a clue on this one? I am at a complete loss. I have no idea what this means.
"The most important do-it-yourself project is your life"
Yes, life: Do it yourself. Don’t get any help from anybody. Especially God.
"Men with clenched fists can't shake hands"
Did this one come out of a fortune cookie? Why not just go ahead and include the “lucky numbers” also?
"Few burdens are heavy when everybody lifts"
Except for a big slab of lead. That's still really, really heavy.
"The Bread of Life never becomes stale"
….Unlike this sign.
"Martians welcome! We have space for everyone!"
I almost went to this church just in case Chewbacca showed up. I would’ve made sure he got a medal.
Just take a second and reflect on that last sign.........
...sometimes you read so many of these, the truly awful ones sort of slip through the cracks. Just wanted to make sure you guys got the full impact of that last one. Remember, these have all been seen on actual churches. Anyhow.......ON WE GO!!!
“Meet the cast of The Passion of the Christ here every Sunday!”
Submitted by Jennifer Russo, Jackson, TN
I wonder how many horny sci-fi fan-boys showed up just to see if Monica Bellucci wore that dress from Matrix: Reloaded
“Good – 0 = God”
Love those church sign math equations!! God is less than good according to this sign!! Great!
“What we weave in this life we wear for eternity”
If this sign was true, everyone would go to hell. Heaven is based on the work of Christ, not the work of man. I will wear what Christ wove in His life in my eternity, if I may borrow a crappy metaphor.
“When swept off your feet, fall to your knees.”
…as opposed to your elbows I suppose.
“You don’t realize the worth of an anchor until there’s a storm.”
Or until you don’t want your boat to float off anywhere.
“Want to avoid burning? Try Son block!”
Want to avoid looking foolish? Try not putting this sign up on your church!
“Can’t stand the heat? Reserve your place in heaven today!”
Is heaven cold? Is that common knowledge that I am unaware of?
“Think it’s hot? So’s hell! Think about it!”
See above.
“Forecast for Heaven: Reign Forever!!”
Who? Us?? Or God?? Or us and God together? Or somebody completely different? Hey, I know the answer, it’s the rest of the world I’m wondering about.
“To go nowhere, follow the crowd”
Yeah, like all those disciples. They sure didn’t get anywhere.
“All the best things in life aren’t things”
That’s right. They’re “stuff”.
“Don’t put a question mark where God puts a period.”
Submitted by Jennifer and Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Why not???????? (Jennifer Russo, Jackson, TN points out: The Torah isn't even punctuated in the original translation. So God isn't throwing many periods around, is he, folks?)
