"Jesus: The OTHER Reason for the Season."

submitted by David Jacks, East Texas
I think they attempted some sarcasm here. I think it didn't work.

(Note to all church sign writers: Sarcasm is very hard to convey in writing. Check out this example:

"Boy, that church sign doesn't suck!"

I obviously mean that the above church sign does, in fact, suck. If you could have heard how I dictated the sentence in my head, you would have known that. However, it is very hard to convey tone of voice in writing, especially on such a limited medium as the church sign. Please stop trying.)


"Jesus is coming back soon. Look busy!"
submitted by Josh @ www.capefaith.com

Okay, so:

a) We are going to trick Jesus into thinking we have been doing good works all this time. Because He hasn't been paying attention?

and

b) Those good works will have some input into my eternal salvation. As opposed to say, I don't know......grace, or something.

That's what I get from this sign. Anybody else?

"Jesus pain is your gain."
submitted by Josh @ www.capefaith.com
Wow, cool. Maybe Jesus can get a Gatorade endorsement.

"When you doubt."
submitted by Josh @ www.capefaith.com
Is this like one of those "progressive dinners", except on church signs? Did I miss the first half of this sentence on a church a few blocks away? Or should I continue looking for the last half?

Thanks to the new contributors. Keep 'em coming.

Best Church Sign Ever!

Visit This Link.

Just a little church sign humor for the Thanksgiving season.

Found via my friends at Church Marketing Sucks

Enjoy. :)

"What Would Jesus say to Britney Spears?"

submitted by Elizabeth Stewart and Jona & Tish from Decatur, GA
You mean besides "Please get your tubes tied."? Not sure. But he is probably telling you and I to pay more attention to the things he is telling you and I and less attention to what he is saying to overhyped celebrities.

"Eight words that can change your life."
submitted by Jeff Keezel
Actually, that's only 7. And honestly, they really didn't do that much for me.

"Our God is a consuming fire."
submitted by Rev. Arnold Hendrix, Atmore, AL
Okay, normally I am OK with Scripture on a church sign. But can we get some context for the unchurched, PLEASE?!?! Pyro from the X-Men is a consuming fire as well...does that mean I should worship him too, or what?

"Fresh as water or dried up and dusty."
submitted by Rev. Arnold Hendrix, Atmore, AL
Who is? Or what is? And what about salt water? What is this sign talking about? My head hurts.

"Hungry? Try one of our Sundays!"
submitted by Bruce Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Niiiice play on words. Clever. *rolls eyes*

By the way, what if some legitimately hungry people do show up on Sunday? Do you think they have enough food around to feed them? "Oh....we were just sort of... joking around. Sorry." Great witness, guys.

"3-0! Go Dores!"
submitted by Bruce Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
This is in reference to Vanderbilt University's 3-0 start to this year's football season. Is it divine retribution on this sign that they are now 4-6? What a waste of space on a sign. "Boy I wish I knew what time this church held their services.....but it's nice to know that they're Vandy fans."

"Parking for church business only. Violators will be baptized."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Yep. Our religion and form of worship is so bad we use it as a threat to keep people away from our building. Works like a charm.

Idiots.




By the way, I have had a few requests recently for a list of good church signs. Sorry, everyone....so much garbage to review, so little time.....


Thanks to the new readers who submitted signs this time, and thanks again to my regular submitters, less and less of whom are my immediate family members.

Keep sending them in. 400+ visitors a week to the site! I should get a bunch more crummy submissions! Remember to read the archives for more great reviews.

"Even Jesus was into body piercing!!"

submitted AND reviewed by Dale Gehris, Springfield, MO
I'm sure people stop in all the time and say, "Hey! I just saw that clever little saying on your church sign. So I thought, 'You guys are contemporaryand relevant! You certainly speak my language!' So here I am! I figured I'd stop in on my way home from work and find out how to be saved. Oh, by the way, does this look infected to you?"

"Addicted to pornography? Join us Sunday morning at 10:30!"
submitted by Dale Gehris, Springfield, MO
See the baptismal tank used like you've never seen it used before!! The youth/college/singles groups probably showed up in record numbers this week!

PS: They are probably talking about Porn Sunday, a very worthwhile program put together by the good folds at www.xxxchurch.com But they should really be more specific on their church sign. Check them out if you haven't heard of them.

"God couldn't be everywhere, so He created mothers"
submitted by Kelly Quinn, East Texas
I picture this saying paired with a little cartoony drawing of God with a grey beard and a toga, kicking back in a lawn chair with a strawberry daiquiri while the almighty Mother takes care of all of earth's problems. Bah! Take this $&#% off of our church signs and put it on a $0.99 "Shoebox Greetings" card where it belongs.

I'M BACK! (...and look at the crap I'm bringin' with me!)

submitted by Jeff Keezel
This crummy church sign proudly brought to you by A Completely Different Religion Other Than Christianity.

"Come use our newly decorated bathrooms"
submitted by Jane Kelly, Cincinatti, Ohio
I wonder if they would be so excited if you decided to take them up on their offer at 1:15 on a Thursday afternoon.

"We are looking for a gifted keyboardist"
submitted by Jane Kelly, Cincinatti, Ohio
....because our current one sucks??

"Don't make me come down there : God"
submitted by Matt Henry, Kenosha, Wisconsin
And CERTAINLY don't make me send my Holy Spirit.......wait.........

"It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark"
submitted AND reviewed by Steve Jolly
This warning must "flood" the church with visitors every Sunday.

"Why be Catholic?"
submitted by Murphtronic
Murphtronic says he saw this sign on a Catholic church sign. Ya know, if they can't think of a good reason, then I sure as heck can't either.

"Need a new look? Get your faith lifted here!"
submitted by Tim Grasham
I can't believe I haven't reviewed this one yet, but a quick scan of the Archives (please read for many other reviews!) says that I haven't. Huh. Wonders never cease.
There are enough shallow and insecure people out there to actually think that a little faith might help them look better. Let's not encourage that, hmmm?

"You have problems. Jesus is the answer. Meet Him here on Sunday."
submitted AND reviewed by Official Church Sign Deputy, the Rev. Arnold Hendrix, Atmore, AL
All day? Will there be coffee? Is he signing his new book? Does he take credit cards? If I miss him, is that the only place I can meet him?


Sorry for the delay in posting, everyone. Though I must admit, it's nice to have fans :) I will try to be more punctual from now on. Thanks for the support, and keep 'em coming!!!