"As my apprentice, you're never fired. - God"

submitted AND reviewed by JHall
Unless, of course, your name happens to be Lucifer.

(By the way, funniest ever user-submitted review, JHall. Usually I just rewrite, rework, or completely ignore whatever reviews get sent in, because I want the tone of voice consistent throughout the blog. But I wasn't touching that one. HILARIOUS!)

"Jesus is a major part of Christmas."
submitted by Rev. Arnold Hendrix, Atmore, AL
Do tell! In the same way that Lincoln and Washington are major parts of President's Day?

"Come Sunday and hear about Joseph and the ultimate desparate housewife."
submitted by Miriam Redmond, Murfreesboro, TN
Man, Eva Longoria really is everywhere these days. I swear I think they cloned her.

"Two hours clean-up labor in exchange for one Sunday church attendance here."
submitted by Steve Spearman, Georgia
Steve reports that this was seen after a bad tornado in the Georgia area. So, WWJD? Use bribery, apparently.

Now that I think about it, Jesus really could have helped his ministry in this way. Imagine how many disciples he could have had if he had made all those blind or leprous beggars DO something for their healings. You want to see again, Barnabas? Take that sack of food from poor Andrew over there and follow us. Lame guy, you want your left leg back? Take this sack of laundry over to that pool and get busy scrubbing. Instead, all Jesus does is give stuff away freely, instead of making those poor saps earn their keep. They did absolutely nothing at all to earn His favor! Almost like he was trying to tell us something, show us some bigger lesson to be learned...............

....................nah, couldn't be.

Keep 'em coming.

PS: Thanks to Miriam, first contributor from my home church other than my family :)