both signs in this post submitted by Jennifer Bezaire
They MUST have meant to put another word or two in there, because this just doesn't make any sense as is. I mean...it doesn't make any sense even with an extra word or two, but at least then it would be a coherent English sentence.
EDIT: This morning, the sign has been adjusted to read "Does your life song sing for Him?" Well...at least now it's grammatically correct.
"In trying times, never stop trying."
Trying is all it takes, I guess. Huh. That sure would have simplified the last 29+ years.
Lemme have 'em.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Thursday, February 23, 2006
"Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from......."
Heh heh heh......A BIG thanks to Rev. Arnold Hendrix for today's photo-tour of southern Alabama, and some help with some of the reviews..... :)
Maybe the above church is the opposite of those "KJV-only" churches. Maybe they are delivering people from that translation?
Um.......OK. They got a zoo back there? Or just informational "Zoo Crew" videos? Is the Lion of Judah specially trained to go after poverty and illness? Can the Lion of Sub-Sarahan Africa not handle that task?
Also, I'm glad these much needed ministries are finally out there....Deliverance from the Bible, help in Overcoming Faith.......
"Fuego" = Spanish for "Fire".
Kids + Fire = Not A Good Idea.
If you're going to fill my soul, why do I need the cup?
Also, if a church has to advertise that they have "Open Minds"...they probably don't.
Keep 'em coming. Thanks also for all the comments!
Monday, February 20, 2006
"Do you want to go to hell? Then stop living like the devil."
submitted by David Jacks, E. Texas
Sigh. See my post from 2 days ago. Yeah, the rant. Apply it to this sign, as this is an even worse example of what I was talking about.
And what the heck does it mean to "live like the devil"? Is this sign meant for some dude driving past the church in a 1979 Dodge Charger ,107 miles an hour, hanging out the window waving an empty whiskey bottle over his head while the prostitute in the passenger seat sniffs cocaine from the dashboard? Or just your "average" non-believer....
"Start the new year out right. Attend a KJV Bible believing Bible preaching church."
submitted by David Jacks, E. Texas
David points out he saw this sign on Feb. 19, 50 days into the "new year"....heh heh.
And with an gracious invitation like that....really, who could say "No"?
PS: Has anyone seen a church sign promoting themselves as an "NIV believing church" or a "NASV believing church"? Just curious....
Keep 'em coming!
Sigh. See my post from 2 days ago. Yeah, the rant. Apply it to this sign, as this is an even worse example of what I was talking about.
And what the heck does it mean to "live like the devil"? Is this sign meant for some dude driving past the church in a 1979 Dodge Charger ,107 miles an hour, hanging out the window waving an empty whiskey bottle over his head while the prostitute in the passenger seat sniffs cocaine from the dashboard? Or just your "average" non-believer....
"Start the new year out right. Attend a KJV Bible believing Bible preaching church."
submitted by David Jacks, E. Texas
David points out he saw this sign on Feb. 19, 50 days into the "new year"....heh heh.
And with an gracious invitation like that....really, who could say "No"?
PS: Has anyone seen a church sign promoting themselves as an "NIV believing church" or a "NASV believing church"? Just curious....
Keep 'em coming!
Sunday, February 19, 2006
"Little sins add up to big trouble!"
It really would have been much better if this church had been located in Little China.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
"The here determines the hereafter"
No. it. doesn't. What happened 2000 some-odd years ago determines the hereafter.
(rant warning....)
This is one of dozens and dozens of church signs I have seen or that have been submitted to me that warn the passers-by: Watch out for what you do, because it determines your destination in the afterlife.
Please, please, please realize that this is completely wrong. Your destination is already determined: You are going to hell. No matter what you do or don't do, because of your sinful nature, you are one hell-bound son of a gun. There is a way OUT of that, however: receive salvation as a free gift of God. He has offered it, by grace, through his Son. He paid the price for that sinful nature.
This church sign, and ones like it, imply one of two things:
a) You begin with a ticket to heaven, but somehow lose it by doing bad things and end up going to hell.
or
b) You begin in a sort of neutral state, and your actions tip the scales one way or another, towards heaven or hell.
If you are a non-believer and have been informed that Christianity involves one of those two above scenarios, I apologize, but it's really a lot simpler than that. You don't have to do anything. Christ has done it. I am so thankful that I don't have to rely on myself to determine my final outcome! It has been taken care of for me. How many unbelievers might have been turned off of Christianity because they have received the message (either from a church sign or elsewhere) that THEY are responsible for doing enough good works (or avoiding enough bad ones) to reach heaven? God forgive us.
Sorry for the soapbox, but this sign really ticks me off. A seemingly "fluff" sign that contains, quite simply, a damaging lie about the religion it claims to represent.
(...end of rant)
(rant warning....)
This is one of dozens and dozens of church signs I have seen or that have been submitted to me that warn the passers-by: Watch out for what you do, because it determines your destination in the afterlife.
Please, please, please realize that this is completely wrong. Your destination is already determined: You are going to hell. No matter what you do or don't do, because of your sinful nature, you are one hell-bound son of a gun. There is a way OUT of that, however: receive salvation as a free gift of God. He has offered it, by grace, through his Son. He paid the price for that sinful nature.
This church sign, and ones like it, imply one of two things:
a) You begin with a ticket to heaven, but somehow lose it by doing bad things and end up going to hell.
or
b) You begin in a sort of neutral state, and your actions tip the scales one way or another, towards heaven or hell.
If you are a non-believer and have been informed that Christianity involves one of those two above scenarios, I apologize, but it's really a lot simpler than that. You don't have to do anything. Christ has done it. I am so thankful that I don't have to rely on myself to determine my final outcome! It has been taken care of for me. How many unbelievers might have been turned off of Christianity because they have received the message (either from a church sign or elsewhere) that THEY are responsible for doing enough good works (or avoiding enough bad ones) to reach heaven? God forgive us.
Sorry for the soapbox, but this sign really ticks me off. A seemingly "fluff" sign that contains, quite simply, a damaging lie about the religion it claims to represent.
(...end of rant)
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
That third step is buggin' me.
submitted by Rev. Arnold Hendrix, Atmore AL
"Read it through": Good idea.
"Work it out": Like...cross-training? Does God's Word really need to work on its abs?
"Pass it on": So once I hit Revelation, that's it? I'm done?
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
"What do you call a pastor in Germany? A German shepherd"
the next 8 signs submitted by Bruce, Cheryl and Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
You have GOT to be kidding me. "Oh, honey, let's try that church that puts the really lame jokes up on it's sign!"
"The wages of sin is death. Quit before payday."
You hear that everyone? Quit sinning! Well.... guess when you are going to die and at least quit sinning before then.
"I am the consciousness of love."
Who is speaking here? The sign itself? The pastor? And once that mystery is cleared up....what the #%^#% do they mean?
"Forgiveness is free.
Traditional, 8AM
Contemporary 10:30 AM"
Don't sleep in, or you'll be stuck with that "contemporary forgiveness". Blech.
"ThewordmadefleshJesus."
Thesignwastoosmallandtheyweregonnarunouttaroomunlesstheysqueezedit
togetherandmadeitreallyhardtoread.
"Snowmen fall from heaven unassembled."
I was wondering where all those little white kidneys and spleens that were in my yard came from.
"When the snow melts, where does the white go?"
Christianity and science go head-to-head again.
Sigh.
"Snowflakes are God's most delicate creation. Look at what happens when they stick together."
Completing the Unholy Trinity of signs about snow from the same church (see the above 2 as well).
Oh, and look what happened when everyone stuck together at the Tower of Babel.
"God gives burdens, shoulders too."
submitted by Kathy Treadway
But not all burdens are direct from God. This is misleading theology to the general public. Anyone really struggling with something will immediately blame it on God if they read this sign. That's not really what we're going for with our church signs, is it?
"Going the wrong direction? God likes U-Turns"
submitted by Kathy Treadway
Memo to everyone on my drive to work: God also likes merging onto the interstate at speeds greater than 45 mph. Really. He does.
"Be a organ donor. Give your heart to Jesus."
submitted by Rebekah Smith
Because his doesn't work? Not exactly the message we want to send out....
(This is a awful sign.) :)
"Come Sunday, bring the kids. -God."
Man, that's ominous. Is God going to eat the kids?
"Home is where the heart is."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire
Just because something looks good embroidered on a pillow doesn't mean that you should stick it on your church sign.
"The game of life is the really big game, so play by my rules. -God."
submitted by Jennie Sowers
I am sick of these signs that quote God and make Him look like a complete idiot. I mean, is He supposed to be God or is He supposed to be an after-school special public service announcement?
"Thanks, Roadblock, now I know!"
"And knowing is half the battle!"
"Yo Joe!"
"Fear God.
I PE
2:17"
submitted by Jennie Sowers
Heh heh. I PE 2.
"Fire purifies gold. God purifies lives."
submitted and reviewed by Jhall
...and chlorine purifies swimming pools.
"Salvation is free, but don't be fooled...it costs commitment."
submitted by Jhall
The other side said: "Grass is green, but don't be fooled....it's red."
"God's love written in red."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire
Crummy church sign, written in black.
"Don't expect a dollar answer for a penny prayer."
submitted by Kelly Quinn
Because the quality of God's response depends on our delivery. Too bad for us!
"Anger is only one letter from danger!"
submitted by David Finch, Washington DC
Because in the English language, similar spelling means similar meaning.
Oh wait. That's a completely different language I was thinking of.
Sorry for the long delay, everyone. I was down with the flu, bronchitis, and a sinus infection. A real combination platter. It was great. And by "great" I of course mean "terrible".
Anyhow, thanks for the DELUGE of signs while I was recovering. Keep sending them in!!
Happy V-day to all.
You have GOT to be kidding me. "Oh, honey, let's try that church that puts the really lame jokes up on it's sign!"
"The wages of sin is death. Quit before payday."
You hear that everyone? Quit sinning! Well.... guess when you are going to die and at least quit sinning before then.
"I am the consciousness of love."
Who is speaking here? The sign itself? The pastor? And once that mystery is cleared up....what the #%^#% do they mean?
"Forgiveness is free.
Traditional, 8AM
Contemporary 10:30 AM"
Don't sleep in, or you'll be stuck with that "contemporary forgiveness". Blech.
"ThewordmadefleshJesus."
Thesignwastoosmallandtheyweregonnarunouttaroomunlesstheysqueezedit
togetherandmadeitreallyhardtoread.
"Snowmen fall from heaven unassembled."
I was wondering where all those little white kidneys and spleens that were in my yard came from.
"When the snow melts, where does the white go?"
Christianity and science go head-to-head again.
Sigh.
"Snowflakes are God's most delicate creation. Look at what happens when they stick together."
Completing the Unholy Trinity of signs about snow from the same church (see the above 2 as well).
Oh, and look what happened when everyone stuck together at the Tower of Babel.
"God gives burdens, shoulders too."
submitted by Kathy Treadway
But not all burdens are direct from God. This is misleading theology to the general public. Anyone really struggling with something will immediately blame it on God if they read this sign. That's not really what we're going for with our church signs, is it?
"Going the wrong direction? God likes U-Turns"
submitted by Kathy Treadway
Memo to everyone on my drive to work: God also likes merging onto the interstate at speeds greater than 45 mph. Really. He does.
"Be a organ donor. Give your heart to Jesus."
submitted by Rebekah Smith
Because his doesn't work? Not exactly the message we want to send out....
(This is a awful sign.) :)
"Come Sunday, bring the kids. -God."
Man, that's ominous. Is God going to eat the kids?
"Home is where the heart is."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire
Just because something looks good embroidered on a pillow doesn't mean that you should stick it on your church sign.
"The game of life is the really big game, so play by my rules. -God."
submitted by Jennie Sowers
I am sick of these signs that quote God and make Him look like a complete idiot. I mean, is He supposed to be God or is He supposed to be an after-school special public service announcement?
"Thanks, Roadblock, now I know!"
"And knowing is half the battle!"
"Yo Joe!"
"Fear God.
I PE
2:17"
submitted by Jennie Sowers
Heh heh. I PE 2.
"Fire purifies gold. God purifies lives."
submitted and reviewed by Jhall
...and chlorine purifies swimming pools.
"Salvation is free, but don't be fooled...it costs commitment."
submitted by Jhall
The other side said: "Grass is green, but don't be fooled....it's red."
"God's love written in red."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire
Crummy church sign, written in black.
"Don't expect a dollar answer for a penny prayer."
submitted by Kelly Quinn
Because the quality of God's response depends on our delivery. Too bad for us!
"Anger is only one letter from danger!"
submitted by David Finch, Washington DC
Because in the English language, similar spelling means similar meaning.
Oh wait. That's a completely different language I was thinking of.
Sorry for the long delay, everyone. I was down with the flu, bronchitis, and a sinus infection. A real combination platter. It was great. And by "great" I of course mean "terrible".
Anyhow, thanks for the DELUGE of signs while I was recovering. Keep sending them in!!
Happy V-day to all.
Thursday, February 2, 2006
A couple of oldies, but.....crummies.
Submitted by Rev. Arnold Hendrix
I've already reviewed both of these signs here and here. I just love the sword running through this particular church sign. Think the average passer-by knows what that is supposed to mean? Or do they just get really weirded out by it?
"If you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere."
submitted by Cheryl Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
The author of this sign has the following two books very near each other on his bookshelf: "Church Sign Ideas" and "Fortune Cookie Ideas" . Methinks he picked the wrong one.
"Don't pray for rain and then complain about the mud."
submitted by Tish Harrison
Meaning, since we all complain (we're sinful humans after all)....don't pray?
"Praying is asking for rain. Faith is carrying an umbrella."
So, according to these last two signs, when we DO pray the only thing we can pray for is rain? You think Noah knew this while on the ark? THAT must have been frustrating.
"In your life, is he Lord of all or Lord not at all."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
OK: VERY hard sign to read when driving past. It took at least 3 trips past to get the whole thing. The complete lack of proper punctuation doesn't help.
Plus, it's lame. Are we just supposed to assume who "he" is?
"Give Satan an inch and he will be a ruler."
submitted by Steve Lopez, OK
The scope of Satan's power and dominion depends on me and my ability to resist his temptations? We're SCREWED!
(Sure they meant to tack an "of my life" or something on the end of it....then DO it!)
Keep sending them in.
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