"What do you call a pastor in Germany? A German shepherd"

the next 8 signs submitted by Bruce, Cheryl and Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
You have GOT to be kidding me. "Oh, honey, let's try that church that puts the really lame jokes up on it's sign!"

"The wages of sin is death. Quit before payday."
You hear that everyone? Quit sinning! Well.... guess when you are going to die and at least quit sinning before then.

"I am the consciousness of love."
Who is speaking here? The sign itself? The pastor? And once that mystery is cleared up....what the #%^#% do they mean?

"Forgiveness is free.
Traditional, 8AM
Contemporary 10:30 AM"
Don't sleep in, or you'll be stuck with that "contemporary forgiveness". Blech.

"ThewordmadefleshJesus."
Thesignwastoosmallandtheyweregonnarunouttaroomunlesstheysqueezedit
togetherandmadeitreallyhardtoread.

"Snowmen fall from heaven unassembled."
I was wondering where all those little white kidneys and spleens that were in my yard came from.

"When the snow melts, where does the white go?"
Christianity and science go head-to-head again.
Sigh.

"Snowflakes are God's most delicate creation. Look at what happens when they stick together."
Completing the Unholy Trinity of signs about snow from the same church (see the above 2 as well).
Oh, and look what happened when everyone stuck together at the Tower of Babel.

"God gives burdens, shoulders too."
submitted by Kathy Treadway
But not all burdens are direct from God. This is misleading theology to the general public. Anyone really struggling with something will immediately blame it on God if they read this sign. That's not really what we're going for with our church signs, is it?

"Going the wrong direction? God likes U-Turns"
submitted by Kathy Treadway
Memo to everyone on my drive to work: God also likes merging onto the interstate at speeds greater than 45 mph. Really. He does.

"Be a organ donor. Give your heart to Jesus."
submitted by Rebekah Smith
Because his doesn't work? Not exactly the message we want to send out....
(This is a awful sign.) :)

"Come Sunday, bring the kids. -God."
Man, that's ominous. Is God going to eat the kids?

"Home is where the heart is."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire
Just because something looks good embroidered on a pillow doesn't mean that you should stick it on your church sign.

"The game of life is the really big game, so play by my rules. -God."
submitted by Jennie Sowers
I am sick of these signs that quote God and make Him look like a complete idiot. I mean, is He supposed to be God or is He supposed to be an after-school special public service announcement?
"Thanks, Roadblock, now I know!"
"And knowing is half the battle!"
"Yo Joe!"

"Fear God.
I PE
2:17"
submitted by Jennie Sowers
Heh heh. I PE 2.

"Fire purifies gold. God purifies lives."
submitted and reviewed by Jhall
...and chlorine purifies swimming pools.

"Salvation is free, but don't be fooled...it costs commitment."
submitted by Jhall
The other side said: "Grass is green, but don't be fooled....it's red."

"God's love written in red."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire
Crummy church sign, written in black.

"Don't expect a dollar answer for a penny prayer."
submitted by Kelly Quinn
Because the quality of God's response depends on our delivery. Too bad for us!

"Anger is only one letter from danger!"
submitted by David Finch, Washington DC
Because in the English language, similar spelling means similar meaning.
Oh wait. That's a completely different language I was thinking of.

Sorry for the long delay, everyone. I was down with the flu, bronchitis, and a sinus infection. A real combination platter. It was great. And by "great" I of course mean "terrible".

Anyhow, thanks for the DELUGE of signs while I was recovering. Keep sending them in!!

Happy V-day to all.