I've found it does tend to give people "the slip":

"Although the tongue weighs very little, few people are able to hold it."
submitted by new contributor Gene A.

Otay. I ahhm hoe-ding iht. Now wha?

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"Rules can not love you!"
submitted by frequent contributor Steve
But it's OK to just fool around with them a little bit...

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"Patience is trusting God's timng"
submitted by frequent contributor Steve
Maybe it was the perfect time for them to run out of "I"s.

Nah...

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"Holiness or hell. You choose. Everyone welcome"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Courtney R.
I'm still welcome even if I choose hell?

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"God's lease on life never expires"
submitted by frequent contributor Micah L.
Since when is God leasing? Is the economy really that bad?

Is He really only renting the cattle on a thousand hills?

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"A parent's life is a child's guidebook"
submitted by frequent contributor Micah L.

Sean Preston and Jayden James are screwed.

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"Have a heart that never hardens"
submitted by frequent contributor Micah L.
If you experience a hardened heart for longer than four hours, call a doctor right away...

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"Have you heard the one about the dirt?"
"Have you heard the one about the goats"
submitted by frequent contributor Sandi Y.
Jesus' parables would have been so much better if they had started this way.

"A Pharisee and a tax collector walk into a bar..."

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I've got a lot of really solid crumminess stored up. I hope to be back Friday with another post.

I hope you all are doing well...sorry about the spastic posting, but with my new responsibilities this year it looks like I'm just going to have to find time here and there to post. I'll try to make them longer, like this one, but you won't be seeing me every day like it was for a while there. Like you hadn't figured that out by now...

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By the way, it's official: Every last picture in the entire archives has been Crank'd, thanks to our hilarious friend Paul_. So, if you're dying for new crumminess and thinking "But I've been reading this blog since it started...", go check out the archives, because there is some new and really funny stuff to be found.

Thanks for your efforts, Paul_. Good luck in your new job, because I can't imagine how you kept your old one...

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Clearly they didn't stay at one last night:

"We're not Holiday Inn but we still have room available."
submitted by frequent contributor Louie G.
I'm sure Jesus is just crazy about jokes referring to inns with no room in them.

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"You think this is bad?! Read Revelation! - God"
submitted by frequent contributor Louie G.
You mean the book where God wins in the end? Yeah...terrible stuff.

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"The Real Big Bang Theory. Revelation 19:6"
submitted by frequent contributor Louie G.
So...according to this church, the Bible is a "theory" now?

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"Extravanza Saturday 9-4"
submitted by frequent contributor Chris J.
I hear it is spectular!

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"Carpenter looking for joiners"
submitted by frequent contributor Chris J.
Sure, but let's see Bob Vila feed 5000 people...

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"This Sunday: Fish or cut bait"
submitted by new contributor Stephanie G.
"Come, and I will make you fishers of men. Unless, you know, you need to cut bait or something..."

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"A sham, a lamb, or a ding dong?"
submitted by new contributor Wynnie
The gospel according to Otis Day and the Knights...

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So after last post's horrible Christian video, numerous people sent me a link to another, equally mind-numbing video. Frequent contributor DJ Williams was the first to send it in, so he gets the link love.

I'd be interested to know your thoughts: Which one is worse?

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I almost forgot to wish ye a happy Talk Like a Pirate Day...arrrrr....

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Next on Lifetime: The Lindsey Lohan Story

"Looking good in handcuffs"

submitted by Jana M.
We dare you to not tithe.

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"Go leave hurry now."
submitted by Jana M.
After one test run, the church decided its new fire alarm system needed some serious improvements.

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"Devine Pattern"
submitted by Katherine J.
Devine Pattern: Appearing nightly at Deja Vu.

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"Running Feet for Christ Christian Center"
submitted by new contributor Tom B.
I'd prefer if someone would open a "Thinking Brain for Christ Christian Center", myself.

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"Jesus is coming. Pray for our troops."
submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Tom B.
Sheesh...He must be pretty heavily armed.

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"Forgiving others and ourselves is good for us."
submitted by frequent contributor Jamie D.
It might help those 'others' too, but we don't really care.

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My friend sent me this email with the heading: "I wonder why people think Christians are stupid". The email contained a link to this video. I dare you to make it through the whole thing.

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I'd like to give a big, hearty, WELCOME BACK to one of the earliest friends I made through blogging. After taking about a year off, Gregory is back at Kinda Kitschy, regaling us with his unique brand of humor (of which I am a huge fan). Go check out KK if you get a chance.

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HAPPY 4th BLOG-IVERSARY, CRUMMY CHURCH SIGNS!

Four whole years ago today, I imported my first batch of Crumminess from the Kudzoo Jesus website. Since then, I've posted and reviewed almost 1000 different signs, almost 500 different pictures, and had countless comments, controversies, and Cranks. I've gone from being the top-ranked humor-blog to barely being in the top 30 (due to my recent slackness in posting). Who knew at the time that there was such a demand for crumminess out there?!?

Thanks to the contributors, the commentators, the crankers, and you, the readers. I really enjoy doing this and am glad that some of you seem to enjoy reading it.

Spread the word around today, all you bloggers - not alot of one-trick-pony blogs are as old as this one, and it's reason to celebrate (a little bit, anyhow). Hopefully CCS will continue to get better with age...

Back with more crumminess tomorrow. Or maybe Friday. (You know how things have been...)

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We promise to have you home by 10:00

"Olympic Games. Aug. 31 6:30 PM"
submitted by William S.
First place gets the gold!

Second and third places: Frankincense and Myrrh.

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"Forever
Rely
On
God"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Steve
This sign should have been stopped when it was a tadpole.

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"Eternal life...priceless."
submitted by Cory H.
For everything else, there's the offering plate.

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"Are you
Faithful
Available
Teachable?"

"God's Grace: One Size Fits All."
both signs submitted by f. c. Duane Brown

Even those of us that are Faithful, Available, and Teachable?

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"God is watching. Give Him a good show!"
submitted AND reviewed by f.c. Allen's Brain
Dance real slow. Your Creator likes to watch.

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"Recession got you down? Salvation is free!"
submitted by f.c. Sarah R.
If salvation is 'free', somewhere Jesus is really, really ticked.

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There's been a lot of new traffic to CCS over the last week. A combination of Bethany posting one of my signs, as well as many links featuring the "I Kissed A Girl..." sign/post. Welcome, one and all.

Meanwhile, Passive Aggressive Notes featured a church sign recently as well. Thanks to Leon for the heads up!

Also, Aaron sent over this link providing crummy Christian pick-up lines.

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Holding Hands Just Gets You Purgatory

"I kissed a girl and I liked it then I went to hell."
multiple submissions*//as seen on the news
Just 'cause you kissed her didn't mean you had to marry her...



(Kidding, dear!)


Note: If you don't know what the heck this is talking about, this is a currently popular song. Warning: the video is a little bit racy. Or, a lot.

Regardless: What a terrible, terrible sign...

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"The wise are able to change their mind."
submitted by frequent contributor MJ
When MJ asked his son what this sign means: "It means smart people can do stuff and stupid people can't."

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"Rough water is no place to see if you packed your life preserver."
submitted by frequent contributor MJ
Dude! I thought you said to pack the Life Savers (TM)!!!!

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"What about the word 'cross' don't you undestand?"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor MJ
What it's doing in this sentence, first of all...

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"The Olympics are over but you can still go for the gold."
submitted by frequent contributor MJ
They fail to tell you that it's in the Special Olympics.

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"When God calls us, does he get a busy signal?"
submitted AND reviewed by bro-in-law Joe Gilder
Nope, I just press 'ignore'.

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submitted by new contributor Emily G.
Forget the message, how about this church name? Maybe my favorite ever.

Just down the street is the Freakin' Church of Christ and the Frakkin' Assembly of God.

Note: It's in Flippin, Arkansas. But still...

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Sorry about the off-week. I'm the worst church-sign humor-blogger in the world. I deserve my plummet down the charts. But man have things been busy.

I hope tonight's extra-long, extra-crummy, and extra-snarky post made up for it a bit.

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*first sign in this post submitted first by both Mark F. and and D. Brunker, sending them in from separate news sources. Everyone else who sent it in...thanks.

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Well I guess it would be nice...

"You gotta have faith."
submitted by frequent contributor Ryan D.
Wake me up before you go-go to church.

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"Wii cheer. Wii move. Wii act. Wii fuel. Wii church. Sundays at Grace."
submitted by frequent contributor Ryan D.
This sign just caused me to have a Wii Fit.

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"Thinking about becomining Catholic here's a sign?"
submitted by frequent contributor Ryan D.
Immaculate Conception, sure. The spelling and punctuation are pretty darn maculate, though.

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"O.K. who stopped payment on my reality check?"
submitted by frequent contributor Ryan D.
Another reason to always insist on direct deposit.


(Side note: Anyone remember the CCM band Reality Check? *snicker* My old band (also snicker-worthy) actually opened for them once. A couple of them play around Nashville now in another band.)

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"Kind words are short to speak but their echo is endless."
submitted by frequent contributor Ryan D.
Yeah, we're pretty much to the point of just serving fortune cookies at communion now.

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"We saved you a seat!"
submitted by frequent contributor Ryan D.
Sorry about having to face traffic and be outside and all...

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Frequent contributor MJ sent in this church sign cartoon as well. I'll have more signs from him later this week.

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