Free Music!

Hey, CCS people!

Just in case any of you still have this on your RSS feed, I wanted to let you know that there's FREE music available from my new project, The Sinai Alliance.

Download it at Noisetrade or use the Widget below:

A time to Snark...

Almost five years after the launch of this blog, it's time to announce the official closing of Crummy Church Signs. I'll leave the archives posted here at the Blogspot address for all to enjoy (I haven't renewed crummychurchsigns.com), but I won't be updating with new signs any more.

Why? Well, there are a few reasons. First, submissions are few and far between these days; more importantly, fresh crumminess is practically extinct. There are over 1000 church signs on this website; at some point, we were bound to run out of "new" signs. We've come very close to reaching that point.

Secondly (and more importantly), I'm at a different point in my life now than I was five years ago. While I'm still extremely frustrated with contemporary Christian culture and its many foibles, I'm more interested in being a part of the solution than simply pointing out the problems. As such, I have a new musical project releasing this fall, a new independent record label that I've launched, and plans to continue writing again at some point in the future. If you've been a fan of CCS, I'd love your support in these new endeavors. Friend me on Facebook or follow me on Twitter HERE or HERE to get more information as things get closer to release.

I've really enjoyed entertaining, provoking, angering, engaging, and sharing with you over the past five years. I've made some lifelong friends as a result of this blog. Remember, all this pent-up snark and irreverance is due to the fact that I feel like people in the grip of Jesus should do better than trite humor and bad analogies. While many church signs are hopelessly false, the gospel itself is true and life-changing.

A huge thanks to all of my contributors, the unsung heroes of this blog.

Joel B.
("CrummyJoel")

PS: I'm still considering a second volume of my Crummy Church Signs book. Volume One is still for sale, and I am still donating profits that come in to Compassion. In a year or so I may compile 2007-2009 into a second volume.

PPS: For heaven's sake, please sign up on the interest list for Diesel's book if you haven't already.

But all of womankind is fair game...

"Thou shalt not lie with mankind as with womankind. Leviticus 18:22"
submitted/post title by Dennis M.
Maybe this is Ellen's favorite Bible verse?

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"Where the wild things are!"
submitted by Rev. Charles S.
Special music by Tone Loc.

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"RUMMAGE SALE. Bag sale this Saturday 9-12. Bake sale Saturday"
submitted by Rev. Charles S.
In related news, tithing is down recently...

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"When the King of Pop meets the King of Kings."
seen here on Flickr//directed by Ironic Catholic

Oooohhhh....maybe they'll have a dance-off!!

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Finally, I need your help...I've hinted at it a bit, and those of you following me on Twitter know that I'm working on recording an album this summer. I'm recording all parts (guitar, bass, drums, keys, producing, engineering, mixing, etc.) except for the vocals. I'm planning a release date of September 29. Stay tuned to all the information by clicking the logo below and joining the Facebook group for the project, or follow the project on Twitter.

Look for details about the project to be released using the above channels and look for a new website for the project soon!

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Please practice safe friction:

"When there is friction between two people a smile is a good lubricant."
submitted by frequent contributor Gavin R.
...and friction between three people is just plain sinful.

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"Don't wait on a hurst to take u to church"
submitted by M.M.
Actually, you can wait all you want. You're pretty much guaranteed a "hurst" will never take you anywhere.

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"Changing churches? Does it matter which one you stay home from?"
submitted by Glacial Spain
I think somebody's a little bitter about their declining attendance.

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"Help is on the way."
submitted by S.K. Sutton
...by.

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Take off, eh?

"We salute our men & women who hose to serve"
submitted by L. L.
Isn't wearing hose when one serves part of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy?

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"Dinner & Movie Mar. 27. 'Passion of the Christ'"
submitted by Dee W.
The menu: Skewered Lamb

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"Practice make sperfect so be carful what you practice"
submitted by f.c. Chandler C.

For example, don't waste your time practicing things like spelling and spacing.

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"Out of your gourd and into the world"
seen here on Flickr. Directed by Ironic Catholic
Matt 5:13: "You are the squash of the earth. But if a squash loses its squashiness, how can it be made squashy again?"

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And finally, this fun little juxtaposition sent in by Shelley:

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A friend of mine has started a cool Twitter feed about crazy headlines from around the 'net...pretty funny stuff. Follow him here.

Oh, and follow me here. :)

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Guest Posting Today

Today I'm over at Home Studio Corner with a review of some guitar pedals. Go give it a read (especially if you play bass or guitar!)

In news along those lines, look for some news in the next few weeks about my next creative project. Don't fear: I'm not abandoning the CCS blog, but I've got other big things in the works this summer.

Back soon...

Is that the book between Genises and Levitucis?

"Unsettled lives in Gods hand. Exudos 3:7"
submitted/post title by Jeremy M.
I'd hate to see what they'd do to "Deuteronomy"

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"God's name may not be in it, but it is on it"
submitted by David T.
So...God's basically a glorified graffiti artist??

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"Over comer or luke warmers?"
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney
This sign makes me want to spit out of my mouth.

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"Christ is my stringth"
submitted by Talia K.
If I pastored my own church sign, I'd go to great 'lingths' to not look like a bunch of dumb-arses on our sign...

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"Maintain a spirit of peace and you'll save a thousand souls."
submitted by Alissa G.
Live a perfect life and die a substitutionary death, you're likely to save quite a few more souls than that...

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Sometimes, just when I get to the point of thinking it's time to wrap this blog up, I get a series of emails that let me know that it's time has not yet come. These all came to me within about a 36-hour window over the weekend. What crumminess. Thanks to all the submitters.

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And the greatest of these is....huh?!?

"Faith goes up the stairs love has built & looks out the window hope has opened."
submitted by Laura
Well, tell Hope to close the window; I've got the air conditioning on down here.

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"God Is"
submitted/reviewed by frequent contributor SK Sutton
Please give generously so that we may purchase a new sign with room for a third line of text.

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"Remember! Those who died so we can have freedom!"
submitted by Maria C.
Yes Sir! You mean Jesus, sir?

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I could use your votes in the Mattress Police caption contest...head over here and pick out your favorite.

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Please ask your doctor if your heart is healthy enough for church...

"Maximized Manhood"

submitted by f.c. Katherine T.
Matt 4:19 : "Come after me, and I will make you fishers of well-endowed men..."

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"Have you asked God for afesis today"
submitted by Aaron L.
Was someone dictating this sign, but then sneezed? What's 'afesis'?

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"Angel food ministries"
submitted/asst. reviewed by f.c. S.K. Sutton
Transubstantiation taken to a whole new level.

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"Garden for God. Turnip for church"
seen here on Flickr by f.c. Ironic Catholic
So funny I nearly soiled myself...


(Note...visit the Flickr site linked above to see some pretty funny puns submitted by users. Turns out there's no end to veggie jokes.)

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