The Gospel According to Tony Hawk:

"Raise up a child in the way he should go. Extreme Sports Videos every Sat. 7 PM"
submitted by Susan McQ
When Jesus entered my life, dude, he made me do a complete 360...

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"Engage a new life with Hope Peace Joy"
submitted and asst. reviewed by f.c. S.K. Sutton
Hope, Peace and Joy?!? What is this, "Big Love"?

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"Live the revelation of the cross, blood, and DNA of Jesus."
submitted/asst. reviewed by f.c. S.K. Sutton
This week, on CSI Jerusalem...

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"Acts of kindness are gifts we give God."

submitted by frequent contributor Peter K.
More like bribes...that way He owes you.

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"Snowmen came from heaven unassembled"
submitted by frequent contributor Megan W.
Ahhhh!!! It's raining down carrots and coal! Ruuuuunnnnn!!!!

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"Check out Jesus before He checks you out."
submitted by frequent contributor Kelly Q.
"Honey...who's that creepy Nazarene man peeking in the window at us?!?"

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After a loooong dry spell, I'm once again a finalist in a Mattress Police caption contest. Go vote for your favorite caption by a church sign blogger. Voting ends today, so hurry...I need all the help I can get.

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Actually, I haven't seen Him since Easter...

"Did you pack Jesus away after Christmas?"
submitted by new contributor Dan S.
What?!? I poked air-holes in the top of the box!

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"Don't be snowed under by sin. Turn to Jesus."
submitted by frequent contributor Peter K.
While you're at it, spread some of your "salt of the earth" on the parking lot for the rest of the world, please...

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"Do you know what hell is? Come hear our preacher."
submitted by Matt B.
He sounds like Gilbert Gottfried??


Note: I swear I've seen this one like this on the web before, but Matt says he took this picture in Alabama. If you find a similar picture online, let me know so I don't think I'm crazy...

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"Christ has come."
submitted by Jonathan J.
You juuuuust missed him, by about 2000-odd years.


I'm more interested in how a church claims that they're the "Head of Tennessee". Especially since I can see the state capitol of Tennessee out of the window as I'm typing this, and I don't see this church anywhere near it...

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"It's not gay to be homosexual. Call for help."
submitted by Matthew K.
What a queer way to appear welcoming...

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Diesel won't like my use of exclamation points in the first sign's review.

Tough for him.

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Thanks, Tonto.

"He who buries his talent makes grave mistake."
Sure, they say that now, but just try belching the alphabet during the church service...

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"If God seems far away, who move?"
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes K.
I'd say He did, considering He's supposed to be everywhere.

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"Jesus is Lord. Heaven is a cool place."
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Christopher E.
Can I interest you in a destination with a more "tropical" climate?

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"God is like Coke. He's the real thing."
submitted by Benoit C.
Have a God and a smile!

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"A good reputation is a future."
submitted by Emily S.
Just ask Mary Magdalene!

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"The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well."
submitted by Emily S.
So I make everybody weird?? Thanks a lot...

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"The path to God is through service"
submitted by Emily S.
So Jesus died on the cross so we would volunteer more?

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That's What She Said.

"Beginning is easy. Finishing is hard."
submitted AND reviewed by Gene A.
Great...another endless sermon.

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"Resolve to let God solve your problems."
submitted by Peter K.
He's particularly good at quadratics.

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"Read the Bible.: Tech support here."
submitted by Megan H.
You'll spend most of the service on "hold".

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"Follow the grain in your own wood."
submitted by Bookgrunt
If you experience 'following the grain in your own wood' for longer than four hours, please call a doctor...

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"God hates whoremongers"
submitted by Tammy G.
...but He looooves Him some...

Wait! No!!!!

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Serious question...would I get more picture submissions if I gave my phone number so people could text me pictures of the signs? I mean...how can my life be complete without pictures of those last two signs? Don't get me wrong: I'm very grateful for the submissions as they are, but I wonder if people would consider taking more pictures if they could just send them to me from their phones...


Seriously, to all who send in signs (pictures or not)...thanks a lot. If I can find a way to make it easier on you, then please let me know. You submitters know how to get hold of me...

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Because You Need To Know These Things...

I could survive for 1 minute, 13 seconds chained to a bunk bed with a velociraptor


More signs and reviews mid-week.


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The Gospel According to Yoda:

"Jesus 1st is He!"
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney
Do...or do not give your heart to Him. There is no "try".

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"Faith Changes Things"
submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold Hendrix
Tires, Diapers...those sorts of things...

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"Behold, I am making all things new"
submitted AND reviewed by f.c. S. K. Sutton
So I'm not gonna need one of those converter boxes for my television after all?

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"Give God all the pieces of your broken heart"
submitted by frequent contributor S.K. Sutton
In fact, He could use a couple of spare aortas if you know anyone else who's giving them away...

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"Need a reboot - remember God saves!"
submitted AND reviewed by f.c. Minh N.
Do you want to save this sign writer?
Yes/No/Cancel

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I think I've had that last sign submitted before, but Minh's review just killed me, so there it is again but this time with double the snark.

Don't forget to go vote for CCS friend and supporter Mattress Police in the WebLogs Awards Best Humor Blog category.

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Vote for Mattress Police!

I suppose if I posted more often (or if I were funny more often...) I might be nominated for the WebLogs Best Humor Blog of 2008 Award.

However since I'm NOT nominated, I feel strongly that you should vote for Mattress Police, as Diesel is a friend, has done a lot to help promote Crummy Church Signs, and is funnier than all of the other nominated blogs combined.

Feel free to vote once a day, as the rules allow one vote per day per IP address.

Seriously...go read Mattress Police, and then go vote for it. Daily.