submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Charles StrohackerAll their songs are in a minor key.
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submitted by Jared HendricksonThen why are so many churches either black or white?
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submitted by Jared HendricksonFinally a sermon that's applicable to my everyday life!
(Yeah, I know it's a biblical analogy, but how many people who drive past know this?)
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submitted by new contributor Christian SmithThis is such a better translation of Romans 6:23. Why include all that garbage about "gift of God" and "eternal life" when you can make threats instead?!?
Also appropriate for Bethany's blog.
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"GRAND-SLAM WEDNESDAYS!"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Allen's Brain
Pancakes, eggs, hash browns and toast, here at First Church of St. Denny's!
-------------------------------------------------------Pancakes, eggs, hash browns and toast, here at First Church of St. Denny's!
"Watch out! You're on God's most wanted list!"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Allen's Brain
Another good reason to stay home on Sunday mornings!
--------------------------------------------------------This blog is "Crummy Church Signs" and not "Crummy Churches", but frequent contributor Bent Kangaroo sent in this link from the complete @$$holes over at Westboro Baptist Church. Apparently their reading of the Beatitudes is completely different than my own. Nowhere do I hear Jesus saying "Blessed are the jerkwads..." or "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst after attention..."
For those of you whose only contact with Christianity is crap like that, I am very, truly sorry. Please take the time to find out about Jesus for yourself straight from the source and don't take the example of crummy, sinful Christians like that...
...and unfortunately, all too often like me.
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Watch out! You're on humor-blogs.com 's most wanted list!
Keep 'em coming.
So, let me get this straight. If you're an actor portraying a murderer and you die its really sad. If you're an actor who portrayed a gay person, you'll burn in hell?
ReplyDeleteThis makes me really sad. And pissed off. I'm not religious and I have a problem with Christians who hate all of one group just because of their affiliation. I'm pretty sure that Jesus taught to love your neighbor and I'm pretty sure Jesus had better things to do with his time, like feed the homeless, than picketing a man's funeral because he portrayed a gay man in a freaking movie.
Thanks for posting that link...I'm pissed about it, but thanks for letting us know how shallow some people can be.
I just wanted to add (now that I've had a chance to simmer) that I love your blog and read it daily. I don't usually comment because I don't have any clever or helpful to say. I wasn't just passing through, I've been checking it on a daily basis for a few months now.
ReplyDeleteAnd that link will have me thinking all day. In a good way. Except if someone says something that gets me going, I'll be on a tangent that will be hard to stop!
No problem, Andi. You're welcome to comment any time, either to rant or whatever. It doesn't have to be clever OR helpful (much like my reviews!!)
ReplyDeleteThat link is going to make lots of people simmer today, not the least of which are Christians like me who feel Christ is being grossly misrepresented by garbage like that.
The Moody Women's Choir! That is awesome.
ReplyDeleteI saw the url for that 'church' and I couldn't even bring myself to click on it. If the devil started a church, he'd have a hard time beating those jerks.
I am not sure what makes me more angry, the fact that Westboro does these insane, stupid, moronic, (I’ll stop there for the sake of space) things in the name of Jesus or that Jesus and all other Christ Followers get painted with the same brush in the eyes of non-believers when witness Westboro’s actions. Thanks, unfortunately, for the link and getting my blood boiling (but also laughing…Moody Women’s Choir HHAAAAHAHA)! Keep up the good work, I enjoy the blog!
ReplyDeletePaintbrush? Bah, everyone knows Jesus paints by numbers...
ReplyDeleteWow. I learned a lot about WBC by reading about them on Wikipedia (I would never visit one of their sites and even give them the chance to think I believe in their BS). These people aren't Christians...they're just freaks. As I said, I'm not religious, but I don't even consider these people Christians. They're just a bunch of mentally insane attention whores. They apparently picket anyone's funeral who dies in a tragic (and publicized way) and claim the God hates them. Seriously, this is the saddest and most perverted usage of the media I've ever seen. If there is a school shooting, they died because we tolerate homosexuality. Hurricane? Tsunami? Plane crash? All because we tolerate homosexuality.
ReplyDeleteThese people are just sad. They don't seem to really think anything. If someone dies and its shown on the news, they are going to be there to get their faces on TV, claiming the person died because of gays. The main pastor dude (sorry to any pastors, I know he's definitely not a pastor) calls the girls who died at an Amish school shooting "whores". They're whores because they died? Huh?
Knowing this about the church makes me feel a little better about them. I know there are Christians who believe this crap, but to know these people are not acting on religion, but purely on selfishness and wanting to be on tv, makes me feel a little better about our country.
I do feel bad for those who don't know the truth about these morons, who think all Christians believe this nonsense. I understand where you guys are coming from a little more now, when you say that these people make you look bad. They do.
Kind of a long comment, but I wanted others to realize that these people are NOT Christians. They are attention seeking, bottom feeding, scum who pose as Christians to get on the air.
Unfortunately for you, Church Sign Guy, most atheists have already read the Bible and a lot of them know more about it than you do. We reject it on a moral basis and we reject it on a factual basis. No amount of telling us to read the Bible will make the Jesus tale true or good.
ReplyDeleteI love your blog, but as for Christianity, count me out.
I support WBC, by the way... even though they are crackpots, they do have the courage to fight against the Establishment, something that seemingly few Christians have nowadays. It's kinda sad that it takes these crackpots to do what average Christians are scared to do or too brainwashed to think about.
ReplyDeleteYes...what we need around CCS is someone willing to take on the religious establishment. Someone willing to tell it like it is and not suffer foolishness.
ReplyDeleteGood call on that.
As for the reading the Bible part and deciding for yourself: Isn't that exactly what I asked you to do in the post??? No need to come out swinging on that one.
Well, why not? Your blog could very well benefit from taking a stance against the religious establishment. Then again, it might not. I'm not the blogger, so it's not my decision.
ReplyDeleteI'm a long-time lurker, but I just had to say how amused I was to see the first sign so prominently featured on your site. My wife actually sings in that choir! No joke (at least, none intended). The name comes from their alma mater, Moody Bible Institute, which in turn comes from the name of its founder, evangelist D. L. Moody. (See http://www.moody.edu)
ReplyDeleteOf course, I can see where if you didn't know that, which the average Joe driving by would probably not, you'd come away thinking something pretty odd. It's one heckuva a thing to have on your diploma, especially when prospective employers haven't heard of it.
Thanks for the grins.
(Hmm... Atheist says he supports the actions of professing Christians, and Christians say they are repulsed? Will ironies never cease? I hope not.)
Wow, Francois. What kind of mental acrobatics does it take to reject Christianity on moral and intellectual grounds and then come out in support of the "God hates fags" folks? I suppose you kind of liked the Jesuits too, but wish they had done less of the preachy-preachy and more torturing?
ReplyDeleteI think you're confusing the "religious establishment" with common sense and basic human decency.
I would personally be careful about calling some people 'good' Christians and others 'not'. But, as a non-Christian and thinking person, I definately respect the Biblical Jesus and most Christian movements. I don't think Jesus would "hate" anybody, I think he would treat all people, regardless of their differences, as equals.
ReplyDeleteWhat I hate is that people are going around spreading their hate, and doing it in God's name. In my own little delusional world, God doesn't hate anyone.
ReplyDeleteI guess Jake Gyllenhaal should watch his back. He's probably next.
Oh, and Joel? I almost forgot...your blog probably could benefit from taking a "stance against the religious establishment." Because I haven't really seen you poke at them yet. Why don't you get on that?
ReplyDeleteEric: I actually knew they were from MBI, but since most people wouldn't have known that I thought the joke would stick. Glad someone with ties still found it funny.
ReplyDeleteSuhayla: I am usually pretty careful about that sort of thing. I feel justified in calling them out, with the caveat that people realize I don't think I have all the answers either.
Shelley: Thanks for the advice. I'll see about getting right on that :)
Um, anyway, about the humor...
ReplyDeleteI love the last one!
And yeah, this blog is totally a lackey of "the religious establishment". I've said so for YEARS. In fact, I think the Pope or Pat Robertson or someone up there suggested the "The Size of the Tool Doesn't Matter in the Master's Hand" review. Joel hated to post it, but you know, as a good soldier of Christ....
Westboro continues to break records in how to pretend you're Christian and yet be a tool of Evil Itself.
But geez, Diesel, the Jesuits? Don't you know if have to be Catholic before you are allowed to make fun of them? :) They've got their history, but I shudder to put them all in the same category as WBC. I can't see Westboro folks ever as a subject of a movie like "The Mission", for example.
Anyway. Thanks for being here, Joel and folks. I need laughs these days and this site provides. Peace.
Well, when I showed it to my wife, she thought it was so funny that she forwarded it to everyone in the choir. Go figure.
ReplyDelete"Westboro continues to break records in how to pretend you're Christian and yet be a tool of Evil Itself."
ReplyDeleteYou're being melodramatic. Many people they picket are more evil than they are. (I don't like the fact that they hate homosexuals so much, but it seems like most Christians hate homosexuals anyway: Christians seem very insecure in their sexuality)
Hmm. OK, perhaps "break records" was melodramatic. They're still doing plenty of evil there. The rest of your statement...
ReplyDelete...
...
...
what the heck are you talking about???
I have to say, as a fellow non-Christian...you aren't making any sense francois. You're losing your argument really fast. I respect WBC's freedom of speech, I don't think they should be shut down or anything. But I also don't think Christians have a problem with their sexuality. And you look just as shallow as the Christian who says that gays are evil by saying that.
ReplyDelete"Your blog could very well benefit from taking a stance against the religious establishment."
"I think you're confusing the "religious establishment" with common sense and basic human decency."
Sorry, just had to bring those two quotes together for all who missed it, just for the laugh it gave me. Joel, you could really benefit from some common sense and basic human decency. :)
How is it shallow to point out that people who are obsessed against homosexuality might have sexual problems?
ReplyDeleteAndi:
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with Francois about the common sense. If I had any, I wouldn't have started a blog about church signs, right?!? :)
The basic human decency thing throws me, I must admit. Is it because I'm a schoolteacher? Is it donating all the money from my book to Compassion Inc?
Oh I know...it's the stash of bodies in my freezer in the basement. THAT must be it.
Joel, I'll drop by and pick up those bodies on Tuesday. Thanks for holding 'em for me.
ReplyDeleteI.C. - You're totally right. My comment about the Jesuits was inappropriate. I should have said the Inquisition or something. In my effort to be pithy, I insulted an order that has done far more good than evil. Sorry about that.
ReplyDelete"How is it shallow to point out that people who are obsessed against homosexuality might have sexual problems?"
ReplyDeleteYou didn't say people who are "obsessed against homosexuality." You said "it seems like most Christians hate homosexuals anyway: Christians seem very insecure in their sexuality," which is an overall generalization of everyone in the religion. The majority of Christians either: are gay, accept homosexuality, or fall into the category that they don't hate people who are homosexual, but disagree with them. I think there is a GIGANTIC difference between disagreeing with someone and hating them. I know you're disagreeing with the majority of us in our opinions of WBC, but I doubt you hate us for our opinions.
Diesel, no problem. I got what you were going for there. I appreiciate the clarification, though.
ReplyDeleteIC and Diesel,
ReplyDeleteClearly you two are missing the point of this particular set of comments. This is no place for reconciliation and apologies.
I demand that you start with insults and divisiveness immediately!
Oh well, in that case...
ReplyDeleteYou freakin heretics!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nah, my heart isn't in it. Sorry. I like you guys, and you're great Christians in my book.
We don't practice "basic human decency" at this blog. Apologizers should be escorted out.
ReplyDeleteHey Joel,
ReplyDeleteDont know if you remember me! Its me Shauna and I contributed a while back!
Anyways! Question on the Moody Womens Choir (BTW I know DL Moody and know exactly what this sign means however, my sarcasm is burning in me!) Do they only sing when they are moody? HEHE Like when they are all PMS'ing cause you know when women get together we usually end up PMS'ing around the same time! LOL Sorry that is what I thought of when I read that!
In regards to the STUPID WBC cant wait until they are burning in HELL!! Last time I read my Bible we are to LOVE as Christ LOVED! Did you see him PICKETING at Lazarus' funeral NO he raised him from the dead! How about the blind begging man, did Jesus picket him NO, he healed him! Oh what is that you say, the WBC are the PHARISEES of today!!! Yup I do think so!
Also to the Atheist, how can you back up a self proclaimed (nut job) christian organization when you dont even have the same beliefs, does this mean you are uncomfortable with your atheistic view???
Talk to yall later
Shauna H