submitted by Wes Kenney, OK
But just because you're not "nerfect", that doesn't mean you have to completely suck, especially on your church sign for all to see.
And since when are we supposed to celebrate that fact? When Jesus was hanging on the cross do you think He chuckled to himself, "Well, I'm only here because pobody is nerfect!"
Sheesh.
"Some people wear their halos too tight."
submitted by Kyle Evans. Sign from Gadsden, AL
Someone should point out an even bigger problem to this church: Some people wear their halos...period.
"Use your computer for good."
submitted by Kevin Sample. Sign from Columbia, TN
Only as soon as you all stop using your church signs for evil.
Keep 'em coming.
Monday, July 31, 2006
Saturday, July 29, 2006
" 'Supper's on' - God"
submitted by Jonathan Smyth, AL
Aw, man....bread and wine AGAIN?!?!
I will ask again: What happens when a hungry person stops by and wants to be fed? I mean, there's advertising and everything.
Aw, man....bread and wine AGAIN?!?!
I will ask again: What happens when a hungry person stops by and wants to be fed? I mean, there's advertising and everything.
"God asks for progress not perfection."
submitted by Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
"Y'know Adam & Eve, I said not to eat of the fruit of that tree. But since you are making some really nice progress on the garden, I'll let it slide this once."
Keep in touch.
"Y'know Adam & Eve, I said not to eat of the fruit of that tree. But since you are making some really nice progress on the garden, I'll let it slide this once."
Keep in touch.
Thursday, July 27, 2006
My worship goes all the way to eleven.
"Your level of worship is determined by your level of gratitude."
submitted by Wes Kenney. Sign from Valliant, OK
...not to mention your level of salvation.
(That was sarcasm, for the theologically challenged).
How does one measure "level of worship" anyhow? Volume of sweatdrops (in gallons)? Height (in feet) your hands reach when raised to heaven? Volume of singing (in decibels)? Number of trips to the altar (per month)?
I am also not sure how to measure "levels of crumminess". I just know this one goes all the way to eleven.
More.
submitted by Wes Kenney. Sign from Valliant, OK
...not to mention your level of salvation.
(That was sarcasm, for the theologically challenged).
How does one measure "level of worship" anyhow? Volume of sweatdrops (in gallons)? Height (in feet) your hands reach when raised to heaven? Volume of singing (in decibels)? Number of trips to the altar (per month)?
I am also not sure how to measure "levels of crumminess". I just know this one goes all the way to eleven.
More.
"The rabbits foot didn't work for the rabbit."
But a horseshoe definitely worked for me....when I chucked it through your crappy-&%^$ church sign.
Send them here.
Send them here.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Don't "Onto" and "Unto" mean different things, dude?
submitted by Whitney Archer, sign from S. Padre Island, TX
I suppose it could've been worse. I have dark visions of "Jesus hung for you. Will you Hang 10 for Him?"
And check this out: They used an upside-down "M" on "own", and an upside-down "W" on "Him". That's freakin' hilarious.
This marks my first entry from a beach store. Who knew?
"Want a freebie salvation?"
submitted by Utica Chisholm, Charlotte, NC
Want to ask Jesus about "freebie"?
Looks like North Carolina moves up a level on the Map of Crumminess.
Keep 'em coming.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Don't call it a comeback...I've been here for years....
Name another church sign website that quotes LL Cool J. Dare ya.
I missed you guys. Let the reviews commence again!
--------------------------------------------------
submitted by Jennie Sowers, IN
As opposed to living water that keeps you alive. Cool is much better, apparently.
And how about the name of that church? Sounds like a 21-and-older establishment.
Not that I would know.
Keep 'em coming.
I missed you guys. Let the reviews commence again!
--------------------------------------------------
submitted by Jennie Sowers, IN
As opposed to living water that keeps you alive. Cool is much better, apparently.
And how about the name of that church? Sounds like a 21-and-older establishment.
Not that I would know.
Keep 'em coming.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
Ovila Bezaire, 1923-2006
My grandfather, a kind, caring, gentle, interesting, intelligent, talented, and very private man, passed away this week. (Link to obituary) He was loved dearly, and will be missed by all of the family.
This post is completely off topic for the blog, but I think many of you will find it interesting nonetheless. The charity of Gramps' choice, in lieu of flowers, is the website/project LadyBug Drive For A Cure . This is truly a fascinating story. My uncle, Gramps' youngest son, helped rebuild a fully functional Volkswagen Bug with the body/interior entirely made of wrought iron. For real. Here's a picture, and trust me when I say it's even more stunning in person:
Again, the picture doesn't do it justice, as it is a work of pure art. It really drops jaws everywhere it goes.
Anyhow, the other main builder of the car is taking his entire family on a cross-Canada drive to raise money for Breast Cancer research and awareness. The link above details the itenerary and purpose of the fundraising effort. The project is really starting to gain momentum in Canada and beyond.
I just posted this on here in case some of you have been touched by breast cancer, or cancer of any type and feel led to donate. This type of post will not become habitual on CCS, but I view it as a chance to both honor Gramps' memory and possibly help raise some funds for a worthy (and interesting) cause.
Thanks for reading and, of course, my family covets your prayers at this time.
God bless. My readers rule.
- J.B.
This post is completely off topic for the blog, but I think many of you will find it interesting nonetheless. The charity of Gramps' choice, in lieu of flowers, is the website/project LadyBug Drive For A Cure . This is truly a fascinating story. My uncle, Gramps' youngest son, helped rebuild a fully functional Volkswagen Bug with the body/interior entirely made of wrought iron. For real. Here's a picture, and trust me when I say it's even more stunning in person:
Again, the picture doesn't do it justice, as it is a work of pure art. It really drops jaws everywhere it goes.
Anyhow, the other main builder of the car is taking his entire family on a cross-Canada drive to raise money for Breast Cancer research and awareness. The link above details the itenerary and purpose of the fundraising effort. The project is really starting to gain momentum in Canada and beyond.
I just posted this on here in case some of you have been touched by breast cancer, or cancer of any type and feel led to donate. This type of post will not become habitual on CCS, but I view it as a chance to both honor Gramps' memory and possibly help raise some funds for a worthy (and interesting) cause.
Thanks for reading and, of course, my family covets your prayers at this time.
God bless. My readers rule.
- J.B.
I'd like to solve the puzzle, Pat.....
submitted by Jennie Sowers, New Castle, IN
If I guess whatever the heck the sign means, do I win an extra prize? Did we just hang God or something?
"We are a group of down to earth people worshipping our out of this world God."
Attaway to make it not sound at all like Heaven's Gate or something similar.
Keep sending them in.
Tuesday, July 18, 2006
Knock, knock. Who's There? Satan. Satan Who?
"When Satan knocks at
your door simply say
Jesus would you get
that for me?"
submitted AND reviewed by David Jacks, TX
Oh, and hey, Jesus, while you're up, I could use one of those drinks with the little umbrella in it.
Heh heh. More, please.
your door simply say
Jesus would you get
that for me?"
submitted AND reviewed by David Jacks, TX
Oh, and hey, Jesus, while you're up, I could use one of those drinks with the little umbrella in it.
Heh heh. More, please.
"To master temptation, let Christ master you."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Good sentiment, but very, very, very strangely phrased.
If I were one of those sign bandits, the ones that drive around and change the letters on signs to say something funny or naughty or dirty....this sign would be an absolute gold mine.
Keep 'em coming.
Good sentiment, but very, very, very strangely phrased.
If I were one of those sign bandits, the ones that drive around and change the letters on signs to say something funny or naughty or dirty....this sign would be an absolute gold mine.
Keep 'em coming.
Monday, July 17, 2006
That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight....
"To really enjoy religion, you must first have it, then use it."
Do we really like the term "religion" nowadays? I thought we dropped that in favor of "relationship". I swear I even cast a vote on it.
And how, exactly, am I supposed to "use it"? Like a hammer? No thanks.
"Marching orders for God."
FOR God? I would like to see the poor sucker who has to deliver those orders.
Once again, problems with the English language rear their ugly heads. Methinks they mean "FROM God." At least I hope for their sake that they do.
Keep 'em coming.
Do we really like the term "religion" nowadays? I thought we dropped that in favor of "relationship". I swear I even cast a vote on it.
And how, exactly, am I supposed to "use it"? Like a hammer? No thanks.
"Marching orders for God."
FOR God? I would like to see the poor sucker who has to deliver those orders.
Once again, problems with the English language rear their ugly heads. Methinks they mean "FROM God." At least I hope for their sake that they do.
Keep 'em coming.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
Not technically a church sign, but crummy nonetheless...
submitted by Miss Kitty, GA (Miss Kitty's Blog)
Since the sign is a little blurry, here is what it says: "Believe On Jesus--Read King James Bible--REPENT OR BURN"
No other comment necessary.
-----------------------------------------------------------
submitted by Miss Kitty, GA
...or Vice Versa?
OK, this sign isn't really "crummy", but I do think limiting the Christian life to the act of forgiveness is a little bit shallow. However, Christianity is all about being forgiven, so maybe a flip-flop of the subject and object are in order. Or just a completely different sign.
"God gave it to us.
Armies fight for it.
Don't lose it."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
OK...God gave us pretty much everything, so that doesn't narrow "it" down.
"Don't lose it" is a pretty general command, so that doesn't help us know what "it" is.
So, we are left with "Armies fight for it". That means the "it" in this sign could mean:
- Helen of Troy.
- Democracy.
-Revenge for the assassination of archduke Franz Ferdinand.
-Halting the spread of communism.
-Religious fanaticism.
-Land.
-Oil.
-States' rights OR emancipation, depending on who you ask.
-Roses. (?)
-The Holy Land.
-Stopping a nutjob from trying to take over the world.
-Freedom.
-Fair representation.
-Making a name for yourself.
-Finishing what your father started.
Yeah, like I thought: not a ton of those that are biblical. Anything to add to that list? Email me and I will add it to the list. The funnier, the better.
Keep sending the signs in.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Soup or salad?
"There are many choices in life. In death, only two."
(Sigh). It's bad when popular crummy church signs (Smoking or Non-Smoking?) don't even need to be completed to be recognized anymore.
-------------------------------------------------------
originally posted and submitted by Zach N., Nashville, TN (ZACH's BLOG)
A homosexual agenda? Like this? :
TO DO LIST:
1. Arrange closet according to style and color.
2. Rewatch last night's TIVO-ed episode of "Project: Runway".
3. Target the children of Lowery Freewill Baptist Church.
etc.
OK, look: I'm on very thin ice here, I realize this. I'm going forward anyhow. Let's assume for a moment that most churchgoers feel that homosexuality is a sin, meaning homosexuals are sinners. If you disagree with the premise of that argument that's fine, that's just the place I am starting this discussion because most churchgoers I have encountered do feel that way. SO: most churchgoers feel that homosexuals are sinners. Well, guess what: So is everybody, and homosexuals should be welcomed in a church regardless of whether you feel like they have an agenda or not. All members of the church should be subject to the guidance and/or discipline of the church equally, but one sin is not greater/worse than others. If sinners cannot attend church, where can they go? And who can attend church, then?
Wouldn't you imagine that there are some people in that church who had sex outside of marriage? Probably half the youth group and most of the college crowd, if we were to be honest with ourselves. Well, if you feel that homosexuality is a sin, then those people are committing the same sin as homosexuals: sex outside of marriage. Do you think they put those people on their church sign? ("Your Youth Group is the target of the Horny Agenda.....") Take it one step farther: do you suppose anyone in that church has lusted after someone else? Oh, probably every single member in the last 24 hours. Read Matthew 5:28. Same sin. So, yeah: gay, straight, we pretty much all....stink (Sorry, almost a very poor choice of words, there.) The good news is that grace is offered to all who will receive it, for all manner of sins and shortcomings.
The fact of the matter is that the above church sign is unwelcoming to a certain group of sinners and that makes it way beyond crummy. The fact that they backhandedly implied that the safety of children was at risk makes it all the worse.
I really bent over backwards on this post not to offend anyone on either side of the fence. Please do not read into my personal beliefs on the matter either way...I am a sinner who is saved by grace, no better than anyone else ever born on this planet, and I hope sinners of all kinds come to know the same salvation through Christ.
---------------------------------------------------------
At least I got to flex my smart$^%# muscles on the first sign of this post :)
Keep sending them in.
(Sigh). It's bad when popular crummy church signs (Smoking or Non-Smoking?) don't even need to be completed to be recognized anymore.
-------------------------------------------------------
originally posted and submitted by Zach N., Nashville, TN (ZACH's BLOG)
A homosexual agenda? Like this? :
TO DO LIST:
1. Arrange closet according to style and color.
2. Rewatch last night's TIVO-ed episode of "Project: Runway".
3. Target the children of Lowery Freewill Baptist Church.
etc.
OK, look: I'm on very thin ice here, I realize this. I'm going forward anyhow. Let's assume for a moment that most churchgoers feel that homosexuality is a sin, meaning homosexuals are sinners. If you disagree with the premise of that argument that's fine, that's just the place I am starting this discussion because most churchgoers I have encountered do feel that way. SO: most churchgoers feel that homosexuals are sinners. Well, guess what: So is everybody, and homosexuals should be welcomed in a church regardless of whether you feel like they have an agenda or not. All members of the church should be subject to the guidance and/or discipline of the church equally, but one sin is not greater/worse than others. If sinners cannot attend church, where can they go? And who can attend church, then?
Wouldn't you imagine that there are some people in that church who had sex outside of marriage? Probably half the youth group and most of the college crowd, if we were to be honest with ourselves. Well, if you feel that homosexuality is a sin, then those people are committing the same sin as homosexuals: sex outside of marriage. Do you think they put those people on their church sign? ("Your Youth Group is the target of the Horny Agenda.....") Take it one step farther: do you suppose anyone in that church has lusted after someone else? Oh, probably every single member in the last 24 hours. Read Matthew 5:28. Same sin. So, yeah: gay, straight, we pretty much all....stink (Sorry, almost a very poor choice of words, there.) The good news is that grace is offered to all who will receive it, for all manner of sins and shortcomings.
The fact of the matter is that the above church sign is unwelcoming to a certain group of sinners and that makes it way beyond crummy. The fact that they backhandedly implied that the safety of children was at risk makes it all the worse.
I really bent over backwards on this post not to offend anyone on either side of the fence. Please do not read into my personal beliefs on the matter either way...I am a sinner who is saved by grace, no better than anyone else ever born on this planet, and I hope sinners of all kinds come to know the same salvation through Christ.
---------------------------------------------------------
At least I got to flex my smart$^%# muscles on the first sign of this post :)
Keep sending them in.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
King of Graffiti Artists
directed by Paul Schafer; sign courtesy KTRK, Houston, TX
Apparently, this is a prank pulled by some Graffiti artists in Houston. (News Story) Good thing, too, because if this was a real advertisement the Southern Baptists would probably boycott Budweiser or something......
To my SBC friends, I kid because I love.
"Faith is the ability to not panic"
submitted AND reviewed by John Allen Bankson, Ruston, LA
And English proficiency is the ability "to not split" an infinitive. Besides, since when is faith "the ability" to do anything?
Bring 'em on.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Rollin' back prices on salvation!
submitted by Nathan Kaminsky
I have already reviewed this one (simply using the title to this post) here but it's soooo bad I feel the need to repost it for those of you who do not frequent the archives. As Nathan said in his email: Worst. Sign. Ever.
--------------------------------------------
submitted by Jon Hoffman
Then, at 10:31, you can pick it right back up again.
----------------------------------------------------------
"Worry is the darkroom where negatives develop"
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
So I guess Jesus is the absent minded lab partner who walks in and flips the light on right at the worst possible moment?
(I swear I have reviewed that one before, but I can't find it anywhere. I need a better organization system for the archives. "Chronologically" works for the posts themselves, but I need to figure out a way to organize the old stuff. I digress....)
"Jesus is the life."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
I know He said it Himself ("I am the way, the truth, and the life, etc.), but the way this sign is phrased only gives me a mental image of Jesus sipping daiquiris on a remote beach while island girls fan Him with palm fronds ("Ahhhhh...this is the life."). Probably not what this church (or Jesus himself) was going for.
Bring 'em on.
Sunday, July 9, 2006
It sucks both coming and going.
submitted by Miss Kitty, GA (Miss Kitty's Blog)
I have a problem with this as a mathematician. The first two measurements are according to distance. The last one is according to time. Bleah. Another problem, according to our intrepid reporter Miss Kitty, is that they got the distances wrong. It's closer to 20 miles to Franklin, GA.
The final problem is that it's just cheesy. "One heartbeat". Gag.
Hit me with 'em.
Friday, July 7, 2006
"Jesus is the light of the world. Not fireworks."
submitted AND reviewed by Rev. Arnold Hendrix, Atmore, AL.
I dunno, sounds mighty unpatriotic to me. Probably commies.
"Why pray when you can worry?"
submitted AND reviewed by David Finch, DC
Why eat when you can starve to death?
Why breathe when you can hold your breath and pass out?
Why exercise when you can get fat and die?
Why be sarcastic when you can say nothing?
Sometimes my job is as easy as CTRL-C, CTRL-V
Keep 'em coming
I dunno, sounds mighty unpatriotic to me. Probably commies.
"Why pray when you can worry?"
submitted AND reviewed by David Finch, DC
Why eat when you can starve to death?
Why breathe when you can hold your breath and pass out?
Why exercise when you can get fat and die?
Why be sarcastic when you can say nothing?
Sometimes my job is as easy as CTRL-C, CTRL-V
Keep 'em coming
Thursday, July 6, 2006
Who knew that they had air conditioning in the dark ages?
"Sunday Service 11:00.
Women should remain silent in church.
Air Conditioned."
submitted by Emily Bezaire. Sign seen in Leamington, Ontario, Canada.
You sort of expect to see this kind of thinking in the deep south...but the deep south of Canada!?!?
I weep for the motherland.....
Saith Emily, the submitter: Upon seeing this I had the overwhelming urge to walk into this church on Sunday and yell, "IT'S HOT AS HELL IN HERE!!!"
I expect the comments section to be a-jumpin' on this post.
Send in your church signs here. (Women are welcomed, also.)
Women should remain silent in church.
Air Conditioned."
submitted by Emily Bezaire. Sign seen in Leamington, Ontario, Canada.
You sort of expect to see this kind of thinking in the deep south...but the deep south of Canada!?!?
I weep for the motherland.....
Saith Emily, the submitter: Upon seeing this I had the overwhelming urge to walk into this church on Sunday and yell, "IT'S HOT AS HELL IN HERE!!!"
I expect the comments section to be a-jumpin' on this post.
Send in your church signs here. (Women are welcomed, also.)
Wednesday, July 5, 2006
Hey...when you're hot, you're hot.
submitted AND reviewed by Rev. Arnold Hendrix, Atmore, AL
I believe the reference is, "All who call on the name of the Lord, will be save." That's found in an entirely new book in the Bible. There has always been Revelations. Now to offset unauthorized "pluralism" that is used by so many, another new book: Paul's letter to the Roman. (Joel's note: I wonder which Roman Paul was writing to?)
Rev. Hendrix says that once again, both sides were identical. Also, his church now offers to lend some "D"'s with the original offer of "S"'s.
Send in more church sign here.
Monday, July 3, 2006
Alas, poor readers....
"Saved
Or not saved.
That is the question."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageously bad church signs, or to take arms against a sea of crumminess, and by opposing end them?
"Satan can never knock you farther than your knees."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Try telling that to this guy (the one on the right).
Went a little highbrow on you on that first review, so I had to revert back to my inner 12-year old on the second one to make up for it.
Celebrating my first July 4th as an American citizen tomorrow. Have a good one. Send 'em in.
Or not saved.
That is the question."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageously bad church signs, or to take arms against a sea of crumminess, and by opposing end them?
"Satan can never knock you farther than your knees."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Try telling that to this guy (the one on the right).
Went a little highbrow on you on that first review, so I had to revert back to my inner 12-year old on the second one to make up for it.
Celebrating my first July 4th as an American citizen tomorrow. Have a good one. Send 'em in.
Sunday, July 2, 2006
From the Church of Holy Testosterone....
"Grow To Be A Conqueror"
submitted, reviewed, and post title by David Finch, DC
I can hear the sermon now: "Awwright you Christian maggots! We're gonna take over that adult book store even if it’s the last thing we do! Johnson! Smith! You sweep their left flank! Jackson, give them cover while we take the right flank! COVERING FIRE! MOVE MOVE MOVE . . . WERE GONNA CONQUER THAT STORE!"
---------------------------------------------
submitted by Rachel, Texas (SpookyRach's Blog)
Burning...like in HELL, sinner!! And apparently, Christ is only strong enough to "maybe" prevent burning. Better get some "fire insurance" too. HAR!
By the way, doesn't the top part of that sign make it look like the Jetson's go to church there? Maybe it's just me.....
-----------------------------------------------
submitted by James, Canada
I have reviewed this one already here, but it's so incredibly bad I like posting pictures of it every time they are sent in.
"God's never 'back in 5 minutes'"
submitted by Jane Kelley, Cincinatti, OH
Yep. He's gone for good.
"Children have more need of models than critics."
submitted by Jane Kelley, Cincinatti, OH
And from the ages of 18-23, I would have voraciously argued that I had more need of a model (or models!) than any child did.
"God so loved the world that He did'nt send a committee."
submitted by Jane Kelley, Cincinatti, OH
I'm guessing the deacon's meeting this week "did'nt" go as smoothly as the pastor had hoped.
And, yeah, Jane made sure to point out that the punctuation on the sign was as it is above. Yipes.
"The building of champions"
So the church softball team had a really good season, I guess?!? I wonder if they poured grape juice on their coach when they won....
Jane also sent a sign in from The Bahamas, but I have already reviewed it somewhere. I will add an international section to the Map of Crumminess, though.
As a matter of fact, the Map of Crumminess has received a thorough update.
Lay 'em on me.
submitted, reviewed, and post title by David Finch, DC
I can hear the sermon now: "Awwright you Christian maggots! We're gonna take over that adult book store even if it’s the last thing we do! Johnson! Smith! You sweep their left flank! Jackson, give them cover while we take the right flank! COVERING FIRE! MOVE MOVE MOVE . . . WERE GONNA CONQUER THAT STORE!"
---------------------------------------------
submitted by Rachel, Texas (SpookyRach's Blog)
Burning...like in HELL, sinner!! And apparently, Christ is only strong enough to "maybe" prevent burning. Better get some "fire insurance" too. HAR!
By the way, doesn't the top part of that sign make it look like the Jetson's go to church there? Maybe it's just me.....
-----------------------------------------------
submitted by James, Canada
I have reviewed this one already here, but it's so incredibly bad I like posting pictures of it every time they are sent in.
"God's never 'back in 5 minutes'"
submitted by Jane Kelley, Cincinatti, OH
Yep. He's gone for good.
"Children have more need of models than critics."
submitted by Jane Kelley, Cincinatti, OH
And from the ages of 18-23, I would have voraciously argued that I had more need of a model (or models!) than any child did.
"God so loved the world that He did'nt send a committee."
submitted by Jane Kelley, Cincinatti, OH
I'm guessing the deacon's meeting this week "did'nt" go as smoothly as the pastor had hoped.
And, yeah, Jane made sure to point out that the punctuation on the sign was as it is above. Yipes.
"The building of champions"
So the church softball team had a really good season, I guess?!? I wonder if they poured grape juice on their coach when they won....
Jane also sent a sign in from The Bahamas, but I have already reviewed it somewhere. I will add an international section to the Map of Crumminess, though.
As a matter of fact, the Map of Crumminess has received a thorough update.
Lay 'em on me.
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