Yeah! What?!?

submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Z
I can only imagine that at such an event one would receive communion from a Lil' John style Pimp Cup.


Joel's Note: ...and here's a definition of "crunk", for those of you not in the know. Nice, huh?
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submitted by new contributor Nancy, PA
In fact, isn't that the whole idea behind the five points of Calvinism?

Totally Rockin'
Unconditional Good Times
Limited Interruptions
Irresistible Personalities
Perseverance of the Party!

...or something like that??

(I love the fact that it's not "Presbyterians have more fun". It's "Presbyterians are more fun". Like it's inherent. Like we're born into it. Almost....predestined. :) ).
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submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold Hendrix, AL
So instead of sending people to www.bible.com (a real website about the Bible), they have to be "clever" and send them to a non-existent destination?

Seriously...did they think about that at all?
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I see I have an email from Duane in the inbox. You know what that means: Next week is taken care of! Check back Monday for a new Clay Pigeon, and then more than likely Duane's crumminess all week long! Have a good weekend...


Humor-blogs.com -ians are more fun.

(By the way....do you know that some people, who shall remain nameless, have to beg for people to click their humor-blogs.com link ever day? I want to thank my readers for clicking my humor-blogs.com link every day. My humor-blogs.com ranking has remained very high, thanks to people like you clicking my humor-blogs.com link daily. Thankfully, I don't have to rely on shameless tactics to increase my humor-blogs.com ranking. I have you all to thank for that.)

Keep 'em coming.

Wait...I have to stop complaining first?

submitted/post title by frequent contributor Alli Thompson
My favorite part of this sign: They used an upside-down "M" as a "W" on the permanent part of the sign (in the pastor's name).

Sadly, this has happened once before. If someone cares to go archive-diving and find it and post the link in the comments, I'll update this post with kudos and the link.
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submitted by frequent contributor Alli Thompson
So can "Commandment 11" be found at the church or at Diane's Beauty Shop?

"Thou shalt not have split ends..."
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"The past is gone, let Jesus guide your future"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Alli Thompson
Since when is the Bible not part of the past?
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"Worry is today's mouse eating tomorrow's cheese."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Tara, OH
Which is exactly why I went out and bought yesterday's cat.

Joel's note: What the &^%$ are they talking about?!?
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Humor-blogs.com is today's mouse cutting tomorrow's cheese.

Keep 'em coming.

Hey! I liked 2007!

submitted by frequent contributor Lauren
He never gets invited to all the good years.
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submitted by frequent contributor Lauren
Redemption Today: 11:35
Baptism Today: 11:45
Wayward Backsliding Today 11:55
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submitted by frequent contributor Lauren
So I shouldn't go back in my time machine and change history?
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submitted by frequent contributor Lauren
Hmm...can I get a phone number for a monthly devotion instead?
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submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Lauren
As opposed to...?


Joel's note: Just kiddin' Baptists!
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"How you do anything is how you do everything."
submitted by new contributor Christopher Salzman
That's not true. I shower naked.
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Clay Pigeon. Go. Now.

2008 will be like 2007 if humor-blogs.com is left out!

Keep 'em coming.

We don't need no water, let the &*^%$& burn....

submitted by new contributors John and Shannon Jordan
Then call 411 so this church will get a clue.
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submitted by frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy DeVries, Chennai, India
Is "reguesting" sort of like "regifting"? I can think of some previous house guests that I would have liked to have reguested.
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submitted by frequent contributor Alli Thompson
It's the adults in the church you need to worry about...
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"If your oxen falls into a ditch each Sunday, sell him."
submitted by frequent contriutor Jennifer B.
If you're still using an ox, the ditch is probably the least of your problems.
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"Set your eyes on Jesus...and then let them go."
submitted by new contributor Dan Coulter
Apparently He doesn't appreciate being ogled.
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I've got a ton to get through, including a couple of large batches of signs from Alli and Lauren. Stay tuned all week.

Also stay tuned to The Clay Pigeon all week...

Also, Happy Inappropriate Card Day!!
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Call 911... humor-blogs.com is on fire.

Keep 'em coming.

Clay Pigeon, Week 2!

This week's edition of the Clay Pigeon doesn't include any original articles penned by yours truly, but that only serves to make it even funnier than last week's issue! Besides, I was editor on a couple of these gems so you really need to go check it out.

In this weeks issue of Clay Pigeon:

- CP issues a rebuttal to last week's "Indian Burns" article, with apologies to Brian Dennehy. The CP learned a valuable lesson, and that is to never contribute a hate-filled diatribe to a famous character actor again.

- Famous character actor Ed Harris pens "A Good, Dead Hittite", and explains why he hates the ancient empire. *

- Dr. Avogadro X-Squared makes the case for equal treatment of numbers in "Less Than or Equal To?"

- The CP interviews David Beckham's Left Foot.

- A potty-mouthed middle schooler talks trash at a math competition. *

Plus, a new Crummy Church Sign of the Week, The Pigeon Hole tackles politically incorrect team names, a brilliant new See Mike Draw, Grundir with more of his career guidance, a CP special report on the Build-A-Bear apocalypse, and much, much more! All in this week's edition of Clay Pigeon!

* Contains profanity.



More crumminess tomorrow!

Keep 'em coming.

Short Memory.

submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombat
Yeah...He dies for me 2000 years ago, and then NOTHING since. Thanks a lot...
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submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat
Do I get to pick which four days to be faithful on?
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"Lost? Try God's GPS of faith!"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Christine
I know some Israelites who are wishing God would have let Moses in on that little secret...
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"God, shelter us under your car."
submitted by frequent contributor Jennifer B.
God, while I'm down here, I notice that you have a small hole in your muffler...

(Jennifer and I agree that this sign meant to say "care". Too funny as is, though. This is another one where I would love to have a picture...)
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"There is no failure except in no longer trying."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Tara, OH
And all the Jedi said...amen.
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What has humor-blogs.com done for you lately?

Keep 'em coming.

The Simians are unaffected:

submitted AND reviewed by new contributor Alli Thompson
I guess they didn't have room to put how it messes up pretty much all of creation, too.
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submitted by frequent contributor S. Keith Sutton
I've reviewed this message before, but I always enjoy putting signs up with incorrect use of homophones.
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submitted by new contributor Shelley Walsh
This is a billboard from a series of sermons at a local church. I'm not sure what my thoughts are on this. It seems a little "ooky" (to use Shelley's word) to use sex to sell church. But this doesn't drive me crazy, like that last sign in yesterday's post.

Shelley also passed along this website for more info on the sermon series.

Any thoughts on something like this? Please comment on it below. I wonder what our friends over at Church Marketing Sucks would say about something like this...
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"The only thing missing in CHR_CH is U!"
submitted by new contributor Camille Israel
Another sign I've reviewed before, but Camille swears up and down that they put the blank in the exact spot as indicated above. Hilarious.

I would give my left kidney in exchange of a picture of this sign. Camera phones, people!!

(I kid, Camille. Thanks for the submission).
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Clay Pigeon. Vist today.

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Humor-blogs.com hurts the human family.

Keep 'em coming.

The Thief Strikes Again!!

submitted by frequent contributor Indie Davis, TN
Remember this sign? What about this sign (5th one down)? It looks like the thief has struck again!

This time, it looks like the only thing he stole were the letters "L", "D", "M", and "T".

You know what this means, don't you?!? THE THIEF IS A MUPPET FROM SESAME STREET!!
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submitted by frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy DeVries, Chennai, India
...and bound people tend to pray a lot, so it's like a big circle!
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submitted by frequent contributors Ryan and Nancy DeVries, Chennai, India
Next week on CSI: House of Prayer Adyar: Godliness with contentment is great gain...but so is murder!!!

Thursdays on CBS!
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"Trying to find God online is like trying to go on a cruise in a screensaver...neither is satisfying."
submitted by new contributor Julie Coulter
I dare them to make less sense.
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"Want a perfect life? Make right choices."
submitted by new contributor Sarah Richards
See, it's signs like this one that got me started on this stupid blog in the first place. Seems nice and innocent enough, right? What a sweet sentiment!

Too bad it's totally non-Christian in its worldview. There's not a single place you can go in the Bible to back up nonsense like this.

We were born into sin. We need Jesus to save us from the depths of our own depravity. Period. That is the Christian message.

"Want a perfect life? Make right choices" is just new-agey feel-good mumbo jumbo, designed to get people in the door so the church can steal a tithe from them. Nothing more, nothing less. It has zero to do with Christianity. There's hardly a doubt in my mind that Jesus would drive his car right through that sign if He drove past it.

Well...maybe not. But He isn't pleased about it.
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There's a whole lot less theology at Clay Pigeon.

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Humor-blogs.com binds people.

Keep 'em coming.

Just be sure to agree on a safe word.

submitted/post title by frequent contributor Bent Kangaroo
I've got temptation mastered already. I can get people to stumble in any manner of ways!
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submitted by frequent contributors Nate and Heidi Gilmore
This sign brought to you by the committee to re-elect Christ.
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submitted by frequent contributors Nate and Heidi Gilmore
I can't believe I asked for pink shag carpet in my mansion in heaven.
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"Opportunities are seldom labeled."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Tara, OH
Church signs like this are often mocked.
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"If your ox gets stuck in a ditch. Sunday at 10:30"
submitted by frequent contributor Allen's Brain
If your ox gets stuck in a ditch, maybe you shouldn't drink and plow.
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Remember to visit Clay Pigeon if you haven't already! It's the best in internet humor (without actually paying any professional writers).

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Humor-blogs.com is seldom labeled.

Keep 'em coming.

the Clay Pigeon

It's here:



Clay Pigeon is a weekly online humor magazine put together by a select few of the evil geniuses over at humor-blogs.com (including yours truly). The first issue launches today!!

What is Clay Pigeon? Well, to truly answer that question, you had best visit the magazine itself and read the special interview with publishing magnate Rusty Gibbons.

In short, however, Clay Pigeon is a collection of the funniest of the funny. Some older, reworked, blog posts. Some brand new pieces. Some funny things we found online by unknown authors that you really need to be reading. All approved by the CP staff and edited (yes, edited...this is a magazine, after all, and not a blog) to reach Full Humor Potential.

Make no mistake: We're gunning for the big time with this. We feel strongly that this is some of the funniest writing that you'll find out there on the internet. Yes, the whole internet. The Onion may have the market cornered on funny fake news, but that doesn't mean it has the market cornered on funny. We're here for the demographic that finds things besides fake news stories funny.

We need YOU to spread the news about CP. Email friends. Do a blog post. Put a banner on your website. Hell, put a banner on your house. Just tell people about the new voice in humor, Clay Pigeon.

Anyhow, go visit and post a comment here or there about how hard you laughed. Then be sure to check it out each and every Monday, with new articles and interviews. Enjoy!

SPECIAL NOTE FOR CERTAIN REGULAR CCS READERS: While I feel the vast majority of you will thoroughly enjoy the Clay Pigeon, please be aware that this is not a Christian humor magazine. I think there's a "sh#t" or two in this first issue. Maybe even a "f#ck". Sorry, but those weren't my articles to edit*. Besides, those are just scatalogical humor words. There is no taking of the Lord's name in vain**.
At any rate, please visit Lark News for all your "Christian humor" needs.

Or don't. Whatever.



* ...OR WERE THEY?!? (dun-dun-dun...)
** and if there is, then it for real wasn't my article to edit.


Back with crumminess tomorrow.

Keep 'em coming.

Special Weekend Crumminess!

submitted by new contributors Nate and Heidi Gilmore
I tried to leave a trail of bread crumbs, but The Father's children kept eating them...
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submitted by new contributor Greg Scheiderer
Is that why all the hymnals are upside down in the pews this week?!?

PS: What does the top line of the sign mean? "12th Sunday in Ordinary Time"....is that a denominational thing of which I'm not aware?!?
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submitted by Jessy R.
I can't top Jessy's story behind this picture, so I'm just going to copy and paste from the email:

"The cop who pulled up behind me while I was taking this shot in the rain at 11:30 pm didn't understand the crumminess of this sign. After searching my camera case, and ensuring that I wasn't plotting to blow up the church, he was willing to listen to my explanation. I informed him of a site that "features church signs" (small town…didn't want to offend him if he was a member), and that I was hoping to submit this shot. He looked back and forth from my camera to the sign before muttering (and I'm quoting):

'Spiritually poor? Yeah, and I'm a cop to I'm financially poor too. Thanks for the reminder.' "

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"What on earth are you doing for heaven's sake?"
submitted by new contributor Arlo Rader
Uh oh...I've been doing it for Pete's sake all this time!
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"What the church needs is less block and more tackle."
What church signs need are more kicking.
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Clearly....CLEARLY....you will want to be back here on Monday. Have you not noticed all the little icons teasing a big Monday announcement? What about the countdown ticker at the top of the sidebar?!?
Come Monday, you will be adding a bookmark to your internet browser. Period. 'Nuff said. Visit back then and see what it is.



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Humor-blogs.com disturbs things.

Keep 'em coming.

I'll be leaving now...

submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney
If you are becoming nauseous reading this sign, you are not alone.
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submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney
Especially all that ancient history, like the Bible and stuff.
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sign says "King Jesus is in office forever"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombat
Didn't Monty Python teach us anything?!? You don't vote for kings.
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submitted by Robert Hansel
So we sort of drag them around with us instead.
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"Do it now! Today will be yesterday tomorrow."
submitted by new contributor Adam Bogert
Do what? Sin?
--------------------------------------------

I'll be back with a special weekend post tomorrow, with an historic CCS first: A contributor who was almost arrested for taking a picture. Stay tuned!

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If you are becoming to Him, you should be coming to humor-blogs.com

Keep 'em becoming.

After all, He was born in a stable.

submitted by new contributor Ashley Sumners
Hi Yo, Savior, awaaaaaayyy!!!
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submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Christine
Oooohh...this sermon came a week too late for the Patriots.
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submitted by frequent contributor S. Keith Sutton
No it isn't. He keeps on spinning 12's and landing on every single Payday.
----------------------------------------------------

submitted by frequent contributor Jill Van Horne
"Since this church is dead,
find a closer one instead."
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submitted by frequent contributor Jill Van Horne
Or maybe we're just moldy?
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"Be His Valentine"
submitted by new contributor Jenny Bambakidis
Just be careful when buying Him a gift. He's all set on gold, frankincense, and myrrh.
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Sorry for the delays in posting this week. We had some storms here in the mid-south, and everything internet related at home AND school is acting all wonky. Hopefully it's mostly fixed, because I have a bunch of crumminess to get to. I'll let this one count as Thursday's post, I'll post again Friday morning, then do a weekend post to catch up with it all. Thanks for your patience, especially those of you who rely on your daily fix of crumminess.

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Humor-blogs.com alive is worth the drive.

Keep 'em coming.

Update sometime.

The interweb is borken.

At least in Nashville it is. Both at my school and house, access is woefully intermittent at best. In fact, it took me about 30 min. to get to a page where I could finally post this message.

That said, I'll update with crumminess as soon as I can. I have SO MUCH backlogged, it's not even funny.

But how are His commercials?

submitted/asst. reviewed by new contributor Shelley
Of course, Jesus probably has somebody blocking for Him.
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submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney, OK
...what the heck they're talking about with this sign.
------------------------------------------------

submitted by frequent contributor Katherine Trexler
And one...and two...and kneel...and pray...all together now! C'mon ladies!
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"Is 15 minutes of pleasure, worth an eternity in hell?"
submitted by frequent contributor Stan Rodda
Man, I thought I was going to get 15 minutes of fame in my lifetime. Is 15 minutes of pleasure all they're promising nowadays?? What a rip off.
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I've got a TON of new (and solid) crumminess to get through this week. Stay tuned!

------------------------------------------------------

One week:

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Humor-blogs.com can only imagine.

Keep 'em coming.

Well, since you made it sound so appealing...

submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Rachel H., GA
We put the "fun" in dysfunction!
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originally posted on Unnecessary Quotation Marks
Photo by Cicely from GA
Before they get too smug about that fact, they might want to look into what the Bible has to say about human ancestry.
----------------------------------------------------

"Attend church online!"
submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombat
Hebrews 10:25: "Do not forsake the virtual assembling of yourselves together, as the manner of some is..."
----------------------------------------------------

"Home of the Stanleys"
submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat
So this church is a bunch of tools??
----------------------------------------------------

10 days from now:

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Attend humor-blogs.com online!

Keep 'em coming

The Gospel According to Jean Luc Picard

submitted/post title by frequent contributor Erik G.
From now on, He's only accepting diamonds in the offering plate.
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sign reads "Two words for 2008: Change and fulfillment"
submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat
This is a much better idea than their 2007 theme, "Uniformity and emptiness"
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"Anger is the wind that blows out the lamp of the mind."
submitted by new contributor Amy
So if we conquer our temper, is that the same thing as breaking wind?
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"Love is a decision, not just a feeling."
submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat
It's more than a feeling, and don't forget, it's also a battlefield.

They could keep using dated rock music cliche's on their church sign! Next week: "Love Bites"
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I've got plenty of more territory to cover from BRWombat, so come back tomorrow...

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Coming soon....

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Anger is the wind that blows out the lamp of humor-blogs.com

Keep 'em coming.