If you aren't sure....STAY THE &$*# OUT!!!

submitted by Tom Bryant, FL. Originally posted on Tom's Blog. Used with permission.
Also, you have to know the secret handshake.

Thanks to Tom at View from Osprey for the permission. Very seldom do I request a sign I see that's posted elsewhere. I usually wait for them to be submitted. This one is Crummy with a capital "C", though.

Tom is much nicer than I. He blurs the church's name out. I probably shoulda been doing that from the start....

Keep 'em coming.

"Run for your lives: Jesus is coming!"

submitted AND reviewed by Katherine Blaisdell, Orange, CA
Oh gosh! And He's manifested his holiness as Godzilla!

"God loves hymns! We sing hymns!"
submitted by Brad Wright
God must have been very disappointed for all those years in between His Son and the writing of most of those hymns that He loves. "Dark Ages", indeed.

"God hates haters."
submitted by Justin Rocha, Topeka, KS
No, God loves haters, but hates the hating.

Or something like that....

"God always wins at hide and seek."
submitted by Justin Rocha, Topeka, KS
Well, the Big Cheater peeks after all.....

"Want peace? Stop trying and start trusting."
submitted by David Jacks, TX
I think I get the idea, but "stop trying" can be taken so many wrong ways. Perhaps a different turn of phrase is more appropriate.

Keep 'em coming.

Everything from this post on down is now categorized on the website, including new entries into the Hall of Shame and the Trophy Room.

This sign would be great...accept it isn't.

submitted by Maurice Landes
Possible beginnings for this sign:
"Everything sucks...."
"You will perish from all forms of salvation...."
"We can't spell any words correctly..."
"Our church sign would guarantee our spot in hell..."

Others? Post in the comments section, SVP.

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"The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide"
submitted AND reviewed by Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Yeah, then the stupid tide takes out your finely crafted sand castle before your Mom can see it. I have deep-seated issues with the tide.

"Life is hard. Jesus is the answer."
submitted by Kelly Quinn, TX
Great, but that first sentence wasn't a question.

"Grace happens."
submitted by Eric (Eric's website)
So....grace and %$^* are interchangeable?

"After a week like yours, you need a church like ours."
submitted by Eric
Like "ours"? I know what they mean, but it sounds like they make the church what it is.

And my week was pretty good...is "their" church going to bring me down to a reasonable level or something?

"In order to understand God, you must stand under God."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Too bad for elephant proctologists that the same thing applies in their profession.



That last one was juvenile, sorry. Completely unacceptable.

The Map of Crumminess has been updated at the website.

Keep the signs coming here.


PS: I have to vent that at my house I have the following internet options: Dial-Up for $14.95 a month, guaranteed to throw you off at least 4 times per web session. I hate NetZero with a fiery passion. It took me 3 sessions just to write this &*^%& post.
My other option is Cable from ComCrap, at somewhere north of $50 a month.

Nothing in between those two speeds and prices. I swear Smyrna, TN is technologically somewhere in the late 80's to mid 90's. The worst part? My in-laws (also in Smyrna) have BLAZING fast DSL (faster than the cable at my school) for $24.95 a month. Just not available in "my end of town" (a 25,000 person metropolis, mind you).

We're moving to Nashville next year, and I can't freakin' wait.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.......

New Disclaimer

Just working on an update to the website, and wanted to point out a new feature.

With the enormous increase in traffic in the last couple of weeks (long-time readers: you wouldn't believe it if I told you...) , I have felt an increasing responsibility to explain the raison d'etre for Crummy Church Signs.

Click here to read the brand new Disclaimer. I hope long-timers and noobs alike will take a look.

The Map of Crumminess will be updated Tuesday morning also.

Thanks.

Actually, He might be at HIS wit's end, what with signs like these.....

submitted by frequent contributor Miss Kitty, GA
...at least I know I am.
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"If you always seem dog tired, maybe you growl too much."
submitted by Sarah Hairston, Rocky Mt. NC
Or maybe you pee on too many fire hydrants.

"In every failure is the seed to success."
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor David Finch, DC
So if I were to use logic...in every success is the seed to failure. Probably true, but not quite as inspiring.

"If God has a wallet, would your picture be in it?"
submitted by Eva, Blue Bell PA
If Satan had a "Most Wanted" list, would your....oh forget it.

I also think the above sign would fit in the "Crummy Grammar" category, but I yield the floor to our resident English expert Miss Kitty on that one. Something about verb tenses, I think.

"God did some awesome stuff for you."
Anonymous submitter, sign from O'Fallon, MO
Rich Mullins really missed the boat with that song of his. Shoulda been "Our God did some awesome stuff..."

"Sin causes body odor. Gen. 3:19"
Anonymous submitter, sign from O'Fallon, MO
The Fall of Mankind...isn't it hilarious?!?

"Cold towards your mother? You'll be warmer later."
submitted by Johnna Hays, sign from Liberty SC
The only way this sign could have been worse is if they added the phrase "...just make sure it isn't when she is cold herself!" to the end.

"You were created to be an answer."
submitted by soon-to-be-added frequent contributor Nickie Albert, Mobile, AL
And this guy was created to be a Question.....

"Please keep your temper, nobody else wants it."
submitted by soon-to-be-added frequent contributor Nickie Albert, Mobile, AL
But I will take your tempura, if you're offering.



Thanks to Christopher Huston for supplying a picture of the sign from a couple of posts ago. As if it wasn't confusing enough before......
















A couple of things:
1. School just started (I'm a teacher AND a grad student) so updates will be a little less frequent, but a little larger each time.
2. Because of time constraints and a VAST increase in the number of submissions recently (not to mention the number of slams....heh heh) I have to pick and choose the really crummy ones. If I don't use yours, please don't feel offended. I either already reviewed it, or it just isn't crummy enough.
3. Also because of time constraints, I can't write everybody back and thank them for submissions. So: THANKS!!

Keep 'em coming.

"Feeling ugly? God thinks you are to-die-for!"

submitted by Alex Stevenson, Sydney, Australia
One day, I will see a sign so bad that I will immediately stop this blog and the website. It will ruin me on crummy church signs forever. This one very nearly was that sign.

I would make some snarky comment about "to kill for", but it would probably get taken out of context and the Australian secret service would be on my case.

"Does it mean nothing to all ye who pass by? Wise men still seek him!"
submitted by Sheya Joie, S. Texas
I am always surprised at the number of churches/Christians who profess shock that the entire world doesn't jump on board Christianity, when Jesus himself said that wouldn't be the case.

It takes the work of the Spirit. Outside of that, no amount of baffled-sounding church signs are going to help.

Who uses "ye" anymore?

"Everyone gives God credit. Few give Him cash."
submitted by Peter Elsner, sign from Arkansas
These people thought they were giving God cash. And that's not $$ from a small amount of people, right there.

Unfortunately, in many cases, they were wrong about the destination of their cash.

Keep 'em coming.

"Aspire to inspire before you expire."

And someone should retire before people conspire and he/she is required to be fired for the dire attire of their prior church signs.

"Love what God loves and hate what God hates."
submitted by Samantha, sign from South Dakota
I think I know what they mean...but this sounds allllll wrong, especially with the view that many people have about Christians:

"So....I love other Christians and hate gays and Democrats, right?!?!"


(No.)

"God is also a wireless provider."
submitted by Julie Berenga, sign from New Haven, IN
The new RAZR with a halo is sweet as ^%$#^#.

Keep 'em coming.

Caged Bikers Stay Away!

submitted by Dominique Newland. Sign from Raytown, MO
Well...I am not sure I can comment since I don't know what an uncaged biker is. But I know a Caged Biker sounds really cool! I would welcome them, too.

Either one would make one heck of an offertory performance, I am guessing.

"You can depend on God but can He depend on you?"
submitted by Anna Marye, sign from Alexandria, LA
God, being self-existent, doesn't really "depend" on anybody. And if He needed to, the answer to the question is "No." The whole fallen-state-of-humanity thing again.

"Jesus: Long cheekbones, no beard, bangs."
submitted by Anna Marye, sign from Missouri
So, Jesus is Richard Ashcroft? That is a bittersweet symphony, indeed.

(NOTE: As you think of others that fit the above description of Jesus, feel free to link to them in the comments section. Keep it clean.)

Big website update today. Check it out.

Keep the signs coming here.

Same sign, two submissions. It's that crummy.

submitted separately by Tracy Roach and Beth Peterson, Central SC
Whoever said Christianity and the sciences don't get along?!?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
















submitted by Erik Young, sign from Harshorne, OK
Jesus is mad, this I know. For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones make him insane. When He comes, He'll bring the pain.
Yes, Jesus is mad.
Yes, Jesus is mad.
Yes, Jesus is mad.
The Bible tells me so.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

submitted by Mike Harras, Regina, SK, Canada
Does the FCC cover the internet, too? Maybe I will just reserve comment on this one....

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Ghosts have the power to impersonate dead people."

submitted by Mike Harras, Regina, SK, Canada

Not to delve to deeply into pseudo-psycho-science....but aren't ghosts supposed to be dead people? I mean, if you can't even get your BAD philosophy right on a church sign, what hope does the real stuff have inside a church?!?

--------------------------------------------------------------

"Thanksgiving comes early this year. You're welcome."

submitted by David Finch, DC

From the First Church of Patting Ourselves on the Back.

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"we like sheep"

submitted by unjust, sign from St. Peter, MN

Apparently, some pranksters stole the letters from the words "All" and "have gone astray" from this sign. Heh heh.

At least I sure hope that's why this sign says what it does.

-----------------------------------------------------

"Hell is hotter than August and a lot longer."

submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN

Since when is hell a time period?

Keep 'em coming.

Like the Jackson 5?

submitted by frequent contributor Miss Kitty, GA
Who else but the J5 might be responsible for a "simple but difficult" R&B? Why this church is interested in it, I have no idea. Perhaps they are going through the "ABC"'s of salvation. HAR!
----------------------------------------------------------------
















submitted by Mike Mueller. Sign from Middletown, RI
Dan Brown's salary: $88 million.
Tom Hanks' salary: $29 million.
With curses like those, who needs blessings?

-----------------------------------------------------------------















submitted by Josh Santangelo, Seattle, WA
...and let the cross be your chop sticks.

This helps explain why many signs sound like they came from a fortune cookie.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Jesus burst from the grave and exploded our hearts."
submitted AND reviewed by Drew Coombs, sign from Cleveland, TN
(NOTE: This space is reserved for Drew's review. It is completely offensive and unprintable. It is also, however, the funniest review I have ever had submitted, and therefore I cannot think of anything even remotely better. Suffice it to say it included Jesus, zombies, and Samuel L. Jackson's favorite curse word.)

"Practice Son control, not gun control."
submitted by Rev. MaryAnn McKibben Dana, TX
This is the one that might very nearly make me lose it, should I see it in person, even after lo these many 400-odd crummy church signs. Take away my Canadian, handgun-hating leanings, and this is still the worst of the worst.

Would anyone care to propose a way to practice Son control? "Put a safety on that Jesus, kids, or He could go off at any moment. Wouldn't want that."

"Satan: You are the weakest link. Goodbye!"
submitted by Erik Wannstrom. Sign in Bloomington, IN
Not a terrible sign, except for the fact that Erik saw it in 2006.

So, a piece of advice to all you bloggers. Get your site mentioned on Metafilter, b/c I got an absolute deluge of submissions following someone (muy thanks, konolia, whoever you may be!) mentioning my site on there. Not only submissions, but a ton of feedback also. A good half of the feedback was negative, but it's traffic, and traffic is always important when you run a not-for-profit website........ ;)

Keep 'em coming.

"The trees of the Lord are full of sap."

submitted by Becca McNew, TN
And if you judge by our church signs, the churches of the Lord are full of saps. Sadly.

"If you don't think God has a sense of humor, look in the mirror."
submitted by Becca McNew, TN
Oh, and come visit our church, you ugly &^%^%#$.

Couldn't they reference the platypus, the ostrich, or Jan and Paul from Trinity Broadcasting instead of potential parishioners? Or, better yet, why even tell the world that God has a sense of humor? "Oh, well if that's true, I had better turn to Him."

"Close the crackhouse, not the church house."
submitted by Becca McNew, TN
Well...that would explain some of these signs.

Thanks to Becca, first time contributor, wife of a friend, friend of a favorite former student, and new church sign friend. It's complicated.

See the catergorized archives at the Crummy Church Sign website.

Keep 'em coming.

Same sign, opposite sides:

Side 1: "God can't find us if we don't know we're lost."

Side 2: "God alone can find us if we're lost."

Never mind the fact that Side 1 is completely false (the Apostle Paul, anyone?), these signs seem completely contradictory (After a close read, they aren't contradictory. But don't they seem like it?)

So, according to these two signs.
1. We must know we are lost.
2. Then God can find us.
3. Only He can do it.

Well, one out of three isn't bad, I guess.

Keep 'em coming.

"If you act the way you want to be, soon you will be the way you act."

submitted by Cheryl Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
This sign represents the worst kind of prosperity Christianity imaginable. Wanna be a nice person? Just act like it, it will eventually happen. Wanna be rich? Max out your credit cards, get upside-down in a car note you can't afford, and move into a house large enough for 8 families....God will provide for you! Wanna be a Christian? Just do good deeds, that makes it happen! Wanna be healthy? Don't worry about doctors and medicine...just think healthy thoughts and live like you are healthy, God will heal you!

Complete B. S.

"A thousand mile journey begins with one step."
submitted by Cheryl Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
It ends that way, too.

BIG update on the website today. Check the new, recent category additions, the new, updated Map of Crumminess, and the new additions to The Trophy Room and The Hall of Shame.

Keep the signs coming!

I'll bet that this church has horns in their praise band...

submitted AND reviewed by Dianne Doede, WA
Well, I dunno....Revelation 21, maybe?

"Step on soles, not souls."
submitted AND reviewed by Dianne Doede, WA
Oh, no!! What have I been doing?!?

"Hear war in the Mideast? How safe are we?"
submitted by Dianne Doede, WA
This sign might be a little more frightening if someone could name me a time in the last....oh, I dunno...4,000 or so years when there hasn't been war in the Mideast.

"Jesus didn't say to ask the mountain to move."
submitted by Amy Jones. Sign from Starkville, MS
In this church's defense, the residents of Starkville, MS are in need of this type of positive, miracle-based thinking at the start of every college football season.

"Body piercing saved the world."
submitted by Amy Jones. Sign from Meeker, CO.
...as long as you forget about that resurrection thingy.

That sign reminds me to recommend this great book.

...and while I'm recommending recent stuff, you might also investigate this CD or this CD. If you like good pop/rock/alt music with an introspective bent.

"You can't walk with God and hold hands with Satan."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Can we just make out a little on the side?

"You should pay attention to your future. It is where you will spend the rest of your life."
Nice! A church that acknowledges the gospel of John 401:k over the gospel of John 3:16.

(I can just see it now...one day, in the audience of a televised golf tournament or squash match, some kook in the crowd with the rainbow wig and a hand-printed sign...JOHN 401:k. Heh heh.)

Two new states for the Map of Crumminess from this review (WA and CO)!! Thanks to Amy and Dianne, first time reviewers. I will update the Map soon over at the website.

Keep sending the signs in here.

Since when do churches have cheerleaders, and why are they composing the message on the church sign?!?

submitted by Miss Kitty, GA
Read! Matthew! Chapter! 25! Verse! 13!

"Come set with me"
submitted AND reviewed by Les DuLunch, GA
...Ain't nobody here but us chickens.

Keep 'em coming.

Almost at a loss for words.....(almost).....

submitted by Miss Kitty, GA. Sign from LaGrange, GA
Little or no experience writing a church sign that makes any sense at all? Yes, I agree.

I almost couldn't think of anything to say. Usually, to make fun of a sign, I have to have some idea of what they were trying to accomplish. I have no idea here.

"Jesus family reunion.
Sundays 8:00 and 11:00 AM"
submitted AND reviewed by Les DuLunch , McDonough, GA. Sign from Riverdale, GA
OK Jesus, you bring the drinks and I'll bring the deviled eggs...er...on second thought, I'll just bring the potato salad.

"If you are going to scatter thorns, don't go barefoot."
submitted by Les DuLunch. Sign from Stockbridge, GA
If, however, you are going to wear shoes, scatter all the thorns you want.

What a crappy message: If you're going to spread discord, make sure your own butt is covered first. Then, go ahead and wreak havok.

Actually, that sounds like par for the course for a lot of churches...no wonder we're so screwed up sometimes.

See the categorized archives here.

Send in your crummy signs here.

"God's last name is not dammit."

submitted by Beau Sorrell, Buffalo, MN
And my mother's last name is not....well, you know...but that doesn't mean I am gonna tell the whole neighborhood about it on my church sign.

You know how when kids are just learning to read, they read everything out loud? "But why shouldn't I say that word, mommy? I just read it off of our church sign!"

Nicely done, whoever thought of that idea.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

A big thanks to frequent contributor Rev. Wes Kenney for the nice post on his blog today. I am glad some people get a chuckle out of this idea, but I am even more glad when it provides a little bit of a service. (...and I do mean little).

Borrowing from one of Rev. Kenney's thoughts in his post, I am thinking of introducing WWJS bracelets (What Would Joel Say?).


I'm kidding.


-----------------------------------------------------------------

Minnesota joins the map of crumminess with this sign, courtesy of Beau!! An update soon....

You can see the aforementioned Map of Crumminess, as well as the categorized archives for this blog at www.crummychurchsigns.com

Keep sending the signs in here.

Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times....

submitted by Miss Kitty, GA. Sign from LaGrange, GA
Well, for Moses it took a bush on fire. Us: probably more, seeing as how we're no Moses.

And if you think this sign was bad, you should have seen the one from Northeast LaGrange Baptist, and (heaven forbid) the one from North-Northwest LaGrange Baptist Church. How big is this town that its Baptist churches need directional markers?

Keep sending them in here.

Turnaround: Every now and then I fall apart....

submitted by Jennie Sowers, New Castle, IN
Also that way you can beat the rush on the "Devil Days of September".

-------------------------------------------------------------------

submitted by Micah Larsen
I would be pretty fearful if I attended this church...it appears to meet in the median of a busy road!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"If I try and be like someone else, who will try and be like me?"
submitted by Cheryl Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Because I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me. Oh, and I'm a sinner saved by grace.

"God is like honey. Mmmm Mmmm Good."
submitted by Utica Chisholm, Charlotte, NC
OK, if you are going to use a crappy pop culture reference, you must at least get it right!!!! Campbell's Soup is Mmmm Mmmm Good. Or at least it used to be. I will admit, however, that after some research: Honey needs a catchy slogan to up its street cred.

"Without the potter, I'm just a lump"
submitted by Wes Kenney. Sign from TX
These lumps lingered last in line for brains. The ones they got were sorta rotten and insane. Are these lumps out of my head? I think so.

(I also think they're out of their head.)

Lyric quiz: where'd I steal that last review?? Answer here.

"It is good to be saved and know it. But go on and show it."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
From Thomas C. Nelson Co.'s latest attempt to market the Bible: The Bible According to Dr. Seuss.

"Do your best, let Jesus do the rest."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
I'm feeling pretty lazy, so just use the same review as above.

"Here comes the sun!"
submitted AND reviewed by David Finch, DC
DUCK!! (Whew, that was a close one...Jesus nearly singed my eyebrows.)

"Time is a gift from God."
submitted AND reviewed by David Finch, DC
I hope He included a gift receipt in case its not my size.

"Jesus paid for your sins too. So why don't you let Him have them?"
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
If He already paid for them...didn't he have to have them to do that? I think this crummy church sign just proved Calvinism, though I don't think it intended to.

(Please don't email me complaining if you don't think that last sign proved Calvinism. It was just a joke. Even though it really did....) :)

Thanks for the onslaught of signs! Keep 'em coming!

Also, be sure to check www.crummychurchsigns.com for the archives!!

Crummy Church Signs Dot Com is LIVE!

The next generation of Crummy Church Sign reviews is upon us....cruise on over to www.crummychurchsigns.com and see what's new!!

Here's a quick overview:

1. Crummy Church Signs organized by category.

Categories include:

- Crummy Theology

-Crummy Plays on Words

-Crummy Attempts to be Cute

-Crummy Attempts to Sound Wise

-Crummy Grammar

-Crummy Pop Culture References

-WTF?!?!

-Hell Is Not Funny

2. Crummy Church Signs special collections.

Including the "Hall of Shame", collecting the worst church sign offenders from the above 8 categories, and "The Trophy Room", collecting the funniest reviews from the above 8 categories.

3. Frequent Contributors

Meet the people who make Crummy Church Signs tick.

(PS: If you are featured in Frequent Contributors and don't like what you see, email me a correction, a new picture, or a new link).

There are also people I already need to add to the F.C. page, like Micah and Utica. Stay tuned!!

4. The Map of Crumminess

The completely redesigned Map of Crumminess is available on the front page for easy access!!

5. Kudzoo Archives

Crummy Church Signs got its start at the now defunct KudzooJesus website.

Now, collected for the first time since then, are the other most popular parts of KudzooJesus: Mr. O.T. and Crazy Jay!

Be sure to let me know what you think. Also, if you find any typos, dead links, or the like, please let me know. I will also accept any recommendations for signs that belong in the Hall of Shame or the Trophy Room.

This blog will continue in operation as before. The new website will simply act as a more useful archival system, as well as giving more web presence to the phenomenon that is Crummy Church Signs.

As always, keep sending in the church signs.

400 Crummy Church Signs!!

The four signs at the bottom of this post make up signs #397-400 that have been reviewed on Crummy Church Signs. And it is apparent from the continuing lack of quality that this blog is doing little, if anything, to stop the spread of this tripe. Ah well, it's fun for me to write and hopefully fun for you all to read.

MAJOR ANNOUNCEMENT TO CELEBRATE 400 CRUMMY SIGNS: I am in the final stages of developing www.crummychurchsigns.com and I will begin uploading soon!! I will continue to update this blog, and the new website will simply serve as an archive, with funny categories, halls of fame, halls of shame, a page for frequent contributors, the Map of Crumminess, and some fun surprises as well. With that being said, if you are a frequent contributor (and if you think you are, then you are), feel free to email me a short 2-line bio of yourself as well as a picture and a link (or two) to any web presence you would like to be linked to (a blog, a website, a church, etc.). For those of you who have frequently submitted and have blogs of your own, I used whatever picture you use on your blog profile, and I linked to your blog. Feel free to correct any of that you would like corrected. It's sort of a "street team" approach, for those of you familiar with music/band marketing. This is a little way for me to say "thanks" for helping this blog run smoothly. I really wish I could afford to do more.

Look for the launch of www.crummychurchsigns.com later on this week!! I will post here when it is ready.

On with the reviews:

"Little is huge with God in it."
So, if I take something huge and put God in it, it becomes little? I really beg to differ.

"Everyone wants to go to heaven, but no one wants to die."
submitted by Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Try telling that to Charles Bronson.

"If you don't set any goals, you're sure to hit them."
Submitted by Micah Larsen, sign from Wisconsin
The literal opposite of this sign being, "If you do set goals, you're sure to not hit them." Nice.

"Be an artist. Draw on God."
Better yet, be an idolater and draw God.

Send more in here.

"Laughter makes a person complete"

submitted by Micah Larsen (Micah's Blog)
Then why do these hilarious church signs make me feel so empty inside?

I wonder if that one was a sermon title....

"If everything is coming at you, you're in the wrong lane."
submitted by Micah Larsen
Or you're in Britain.

"If Jesus is in your heart, please tell your face."
submitted by Micah Larsen
Finally, a church that is sick and tired of all its parishoners being....ugly? Deformed?

"Take the time to look around and see all the happiness the world has to offer."
submitted by Micah Larsen
Then cling to this world like grim death, as if it is the only thing that can possibly hold meaning in your life.

"See all the happiness the world has to offer": Dontcha think Jesus would have had a much higher quality of life if he had taken this perspective?

"God is good without the extra 'o' "
submitted AND reviewed by Scott Hartman, Sprinfield MO
And Satan is Stan without the extra 'a' .

"Jesus loves you: deal with it."
submitted by Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
But do not (under any circumstances) allow him to deal with you.

"A strong fish goes against the flow."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
...in order to mate. Is this really the message we want to send to our young people?

Thanks to Micah, coming strong with the first time submissions. I have been working hard on the next phase of this blog, so forgive the increasingly more infrequent updates. I am almost done, and it should all be worth it. :)

Keep 'em coming.

"Good night, Mrs. Witt. We'll see you in the morning."

submitted by Sarah Mitchell. Sign from Lynchburg, VA
Let me know if Mrs. Witt is cooking breakfast, and I'll see her in the morning too.

One can only suppose Mrs. Witt passed away?? Or something?? Boy is that a messed up, confusing sign.

"Sit in demonstration Sunday morning."
submitted by Sarah Mitchell. Sign from Nelson County VA
Can we sue for false advertising if they ask us to stand at any point during the morning service? I imagine some cute punch line delivered Sunday morning: "This morning we are here "demonstrating" our love for Jesus...." Gag.

"You can't stumble when U are on your knees."
submitted by Miss Kitty. Sign from LaGrange, GA (Miss Kitty's blog)
Today's church sign proudly brought to you by Sinead O'Connor.

"Patience: A bitter plant that produces sweet fruit."
submitted by Miss Kitty.
Nothing like a church sign that could be useful for every single denomination, religion, worldview, creed, code, organization, affiliation, political party, or labor union. I guess if a church is out to please everyone, it can't go wrong with something like this.

"If loving Jesus was a crime, would you go to jail?"
submitted by Cindy Tucker. Sign from Fairfield, OH.
Dunno. I hope so. However, if crummy church signs were crimes, I don't think we could come up with cell space in all the jails in the lower 48.

I'm on the road right now, but I think the Map of Cruminess is due an update when I return.

By the way, we are fast approaching our 400th different sign submitted and reviewed. Thanks so much to all of my submitters for making that possible!! Expect some big announcements in the days and weeks to come to celebrate the occasion.

Thanks, keep sending them in.