submitted by Maurice Landes
Possible beginnings for this sign:
"Everything sucks...."
"You will perish from all forms of salvation...."
"We can't spell any words correctly..."
"Our church sign would guarantee our spot in hell..."
Others? Post in the comments section, SVP.
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"The lowest ebb is the turn of the tide"
submitted AND reviewed by Emily Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Yeah, then the stupid tide takes out your finely crafted sand castle before your Mom can see it. I have deep-seated issues with the tide.
"Life is hard. Jesus is the answer."
submitted by Kelly Quinn, TX
Great, but that first sentence wasn't a question.
"Grace happens."
submitted by Eric (Eric's website)
So....grace and %$^* are interchangeable?
"After a week like yours, you need a church like ours."
submitted by Eric
Like "ours"? I know what they mean, but it sounds like they make the church what it is.
And my week was pretty good...is "their" church going to bring me down to a reasonable level or something?
"In order to understand God, you must stand under God."
submitted by Jennifer Bezaire, Smyrna, TN
Too bad for elephant proctologists that the same thing applies in their profession.
That last one was juvenile, sorry. Completely unacceptable.
The Map of Crumminess has been updated at the website.
Keep the signs coming here.
PS: I have to vent that at my house I have the following internet options: Dial-Up for $14.95 a month, guaranteed to throw you off at least 4 times per web session. I hate NetZero with a fiery passion. It took me 3 sessions just to write this &*^%& post.
My other option is Cable from ComCrap, at somewhere north of $50 a month.
Nothing in between those two speeds and prices. I swear Smyrna, TN is technologically somewhere in the late 80's to mid 90's. The worst part? My in-laws (also in Smyrna) have BLAZING fast DSL (faster than the cable at my school) for $24.95 a month. Just not available in "my end of town" (a 25,000 person metropolis, mind you).
We're moving to Nashville next year, and I can't freakin' wait.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.......
I want you to know that I spit Diet Coke all over my monitor laughing at these signs. The accept/except thing is one sound-alike that my poor students cannot figure out. Well, that and your/you're, effect/affect, their/there/they're...
ReplyDeleteNashville is a great place to live. You'll love it. I once dated a fella who taught @ Vandy...I miss that school and the town. And you can get blazing-fast DSL there, too.
Oh, I LOVE Nashville. I teach across the street from Vanderbilt, as a matter of fact. I'm just tired of living 40 min. away from work. And tired of slow internet.
ReplyDeleteLucky you, Joel! Can't blame you for wanting to move closer to work. The guy I dated lived on White Bridge Rd. and was about 12 minutes from the VU campus, which was very convenient.
ReplyDeleteKeep up the great work with the signs. The snark factor gets higher with each entry.
heh heh heh. you said proctologist. heh.
ReplyDelete"After a threatening bowel movement, the pagan elephant proctologist was covered in everything..."
ReplyDeleteI love this site AND it's from NashVegas! Too cool!
ReplyDelete(I went to Vanderbilt years ago... now in frozen Yankeeland. Good luck with the DSL.)
Well if you want the crummy church signs to keep coming, you can customize more signs on http://www.txt2pic.com (you can even make your own sign generators).
ReplyDeleteThe first sign has a beginning already there. Read the entire sign:
ReplyDelete"Where Hope And Love Abound, Except His Grace, Mercy and Forgiveness"
Hope & Love? We got 'em.
Grace, Mercy & Forgiveness? Sorry, fresh out. You might try the Pentecostals down the street. You can't miss 'em; they've got a sign out front that says...