Guest Reviewer: Grundir The Implacable!

Things have been busy around CCS lately. Traffic is at an all-time high, which means submissions are at an all-time high. When I heard that Diesel had hired some extra help to assist in the dispatching of pesky memes over at Mattress Police, I wondered if that person would be interested in helping me dispatch with some pesky church signs. Turns out he was! Here's today's guest reviewer:
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Greetings, mortals! I am Grundir the Implacable, Nazgul and meme-wraith. Ordinarily my responsibilities are limited to dispatching troublesome memes that threaten to overwhelm the blogosphere with disingenuous fawning and inane trivia. Today, however, I have been commanded by the Dark Lord Diesel of the Mattress Police to assist Joel in dealing with some particularly loathsome marquees exhibited by various houses of worship.

I have perused Joel's vast tome of ill-advised placards and have concluded that the foolishness of mortals knows no bounds. Joel insists that these signs were foisted upon the public by followers of the one you call Christ, but I see little evidence to support this notion. Christianity does not exist per se in Middle Earth, although I have noticed many similarities between this Jesus Christ and a certain wizard who is known for having survived a three-day battle with a Balrog. The humble ranger who was recently crowned King in Gondor also bears some likeness to Him. Both of these men were worthy opponents of my former master Sauron, and I believe that they would be rendered ill by the sickly-sweet, treacly stench emanating from these signs.

Bah! Enough of this foolishness. Let us ridicule these signs in the manner they deserve and then be about more pressing matters:


submitted by new contributor Fredish
Verily, it is hard out here for a farmer.
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"A calm sea does not make a skilled sailor."
Aye, and warm water can lower your seamen count.
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"Being a believer takes more than just believing"
I say unto you, you must also hold onto that feeling.
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"Prepare for your finals! Read the Bible!"
And cheat not by looking in the back!
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"If you don't know Jesus, you're in for one hell of a time"
But how am I to know Him? Ah, you say you will greet Him with a kiss? Excellent....
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"Apply yourself to the Bible and the Bible to yourself."
Not there, you fool! I am afraid that was a little rash.
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"Casual Sundays. Wear your holy jeans to church."
Sit in the back and you may see Balaam's ass.
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That is all, mortals! Be warned that if you do not cease to use your signs for hollow truisms and nonsense, I may return in even greater fury. You may use your signs only for communicating basic information such as worship times, and for short sayings from the Bible that will not exasperate or confuse passersby. And verily I say unto you, it would not kill you to spell check!

That is all for now.

Grundir the Implacable.
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Grundir can be emailed here. Let him know how much you enjoyed his guest spot here at CCS, and perhaps he could be convinced to dispatch something troublesome at your blog! (Just don't mention anything about hobbits...)

If you don't know humor-blogs.com, you're in for one hell of a time.

Keep 'em coming.