No...I don't wanna.

submitted by frequent contributor Jill Van Horne
Uh oh...I see a Valley of the Shadow of Death in your future...
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submitted by frequent contributor Jill Van Horne
C U L8R.
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submitted by frequent contributor Jill Van Horne
I'm pretty sure that they're spies and this is a code to America's enemies.

Somebody stop them!!
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submitted by new contributor Kevin W.
Winter is God's way of saying "I'm through with you people for a while."
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"The best songs come from broken hearts"
submitted/asst. reviewed by new contributor Sammi H.
Only if you're a fan of emo and country.
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The commentary contest is still open! Get your best comments in by midnight tomorrow (Thursday). There are some hilarious ones so far, but there's some low-hanging fruit left over for anyone who wants to take a crack.

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Johnny Virgil has a mighty amusing anecdote revolving around a church sign. Check it out.

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The First CCS Commentary Contest!

Stealing a page from my good friend Diesel's book, I'm going to do occasional "Commentary Contests" here on CCS. It's like a caption contest, but it's just basically seeing who can come up with the best, most snarkiest commentary on a particular church sign. These won't be weekly contests like Diesel's, just every so often when the whim strikes me. Mostly, they'll happen whenever I find a sign that people will have a field day with. This week is the first!!

Here are the rules:
- leave your commentary in the comments section
- leave as many different commentaries as you like
- Have all comments in by Thursday at midnight CST.
- Next Monday, I will post the top ten (or less) entries here on the blog. Voting again ends Thursday at midnight.
- The person with the most votes wins a signed copy of the Crummy Church Sign Volume 1 book.

The shorter the comment, the sweeter. Long, theological diatribes probably won't get chosen. Short, snarky, and clever will get the job done.

OK, here's the picture for this week's contest, courtesy of frequent contributor Jill Van Horne:


Have fun! I'd like to have to work very hard to find the top ten, so be sure to leave your best comment(s) below! Let's fill up the comments section!

I've got tons of crumminess lined up for this week, so be sure to come back tomorrow.

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Step One: Dismantle Church Sign

submitted by frequent contributor Jill Van Horne
So God's like Ikea now??
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submitted by frequent contributor Jill Van Horne
Please provide your own witches to burn.
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submitted by frequent contributor Jill Van Horne
Lucky for you we've run out of nails.
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"Stuck in traffic? Try a donkey!"
submitted by Glacial Spain
Or just stay home and watch church on TV.
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"Pick a hand. Any hand."
submitted by Glacial Spain
...as you can see, there's nothing hidden in my vestments....
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Thanks to everyone who voted and helped me win my third caption contest. You can see the award in the sidebar to the right.

I have a lot of crumminess this week, and tons with pictures (Thanks, everybody!!). And I might have a special surprise tomorrow...stay tuned!!

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So they work all the time?

submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor BRWombat
But their health and dental plans are pretty decent, so it all balances out.

Joel's note: By the way, that Bible verse has nothing to do with holidays at all.
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submitted by frequent contributor BRWombat
Or maybe you just have the wrong emotion.

Or if you're reading this sign, maybe you just have the wrong church.
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"Loyalty is one thing leaders canno't do without."
submitted by frequent contributor Barbara B.
A sign that truly inspires confidence in the leadership.

Sometimes I canno't believe these signs....
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"To walk on water, you must first get out of the boat."
submitted by frequent contributor Aubree R.
Depends which boat.
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So are church signs messages:

submitted by new contributor D.J. W. and Brandt D.
They're both a lot better with grape jelly, too.
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submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor The Poke Show
Today's sermon brought to you by Gatorade:

Christ: Is He in you?!?

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"God's Transfer of Authority
Dr. Nasir Siddiki
May 2-4"
submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Jennifer B.
Nice of God to let us know about that.

(Jennifer also passes along this website related to the event. Heck, now that I know an eagle is involved, I'm there!)
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"God made you. God claimed you. You are special."
submitted by frequent contributor Jamie D.
Rev. Stuart Smalley, preacher.
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Don't forget to vote, vote, vote!!

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Artificial Intelligence:

submitted by frequent contributor Steve S.
So you're saying it's my humility that makes me so genuine? Why, I couldn't possibly accept such an accolade. There are so many people more deserving of such praise, and you choose to recognize lil' ol' me?!? Why, I am so honored, but never in a million years did I imagine...
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submitted by frequent contributor Steve S.
And for some reason, Charlie Sheen is on top.
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We'll wrap up today with what has been an increasingly popular submission. Signs that aren't church signs, but signs for other businesses that seek to purport (extort?) their Christian "virtue":


submitted by Ron G.
A sale on piercings for Easter? Ballsy!
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submitted AND reviewed by Quilly
Finally a church I can sink my teeth into!
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submitted by new contributor Bob A.
God is awesome...but not as awesome as our new climate controlled 10x20 storage units for only $59.99 per month!!!
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Also the Lapped Catholic directed us to this picture of a PowerPuff Jesus.

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I've made the finals of a caption contest once again. I think Diesel just picked me because I send a lot of traffic his way when I link to him, not because my caption was particularly good this week. Although looking at the current voting, I could be wrong on that. At any rate... Go vote for the best caption!

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Humm....are you idiots??

submitted by f.c. Katherine Trexler. Originally posted here.
I hope the federal government rips their tax exempt status right out from under them. Jerks.

I wonder if they'd ever post "McCain Hussein...Hummm are they cousins?" (Not that they should, mind you.)

Note: This sign was submitted by at least three other folks, but Katherine was first so she gets credit.
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submitted/asst. reviewed by new contributor Anne W.
Above all.

Including salvation, redemption, etc...


Also: Is this church named after the pastor?? Really?!?
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submitted by frequent contributor Rev. Wes. Kenney
What kind of battles to Godly alliances produce?
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"New teaching service: You drive me crazy"
submitted by frequent contributor Christine
New learning service: You didn't have all that far to go.
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"Time you enjoy wasting is not wasting time"
submitted/asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Jamie E.
Especially when you're wasted.
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Happy Blue Monday

submitted by new contributor Adam H.
Wow...I've heard of God's chosen people, but that's just ridiculous.


(Adam says: "In their defense, it did snow on Easter". But seriously...with as many wrong ways as there are to take that sign, why bother?)
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submitted and asst. reviewed by frequent contributor Rev. Arnold Hendrix
Ummmmm what if we used proper punctuation.
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submitted by Chris H.
Well, at least it's not another PowerPoint.
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"The birds are back. The grass is green. God did it again."

submitted by frequent contributor Tara, OH
Yeah, I just wish He'd stop taking the winters off.
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"Even Jesus had a fish story."

submitted AND reviewed by frequent contributor Tara, OH
-"I'm telling you, Peter, it was THIS BIG!"
-"Sure, Lord"

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Did you miss me? I'll be back to regularly scheduled crumminess this week. Stay tuned. And keep sending in those signs (especially pictures)!

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