Here are the rules:
- leave your commentary in the comments section
- leave as many different commentaries as you like
- Have all comments in by Thursday at midnight CST.
- Next Monday, I will post the top ten (or less) entries here on the blog. Voting again ends Thursday at midnight.
- The person with the most votes wins a signed copy of the Crummy Church Sign Volume 1 book.
The shorter the comment, the sweeter. Long, theological diatribes probably won't get chosen. Short, snarky, and clever will get the job done.
OK, here's the picture for this week's contest, courtesy of frequent contributor Jill Van Horne:
Have fun! I'd like to have to work very hard to find the top ten, so be sure to leave your best comment(s) below! Let's fill up the comments section!
I've got tons of crumminess lined up for this week, so be sure to come back tomorrow.
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This post cross-posted on:
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We'll start with Jill's comment when she submitted the sign:
ReplyDelete"That's not what I heard (pun intended)"
Maybe, but you can make more money...
ReplyDeleteThe gospel according to Van Gogh
ReplyDeleteYou can make even MORE friends with your wallet.
ReplyDelete...so come in, shut up and listen to what we have to say. Then we'll consider you our friend.
ReplyDelete...but honestly, your face as a whole isn't your best tool.
ReplyDeleteBut why choose just one?
ReplyDeleteBecause making friends is what Jesus is all about!
No sign languge interpreter here.
Why the Winged Victory of Samothrace is so lonely.
Relatedly, head and knees make more friends than shoulders and toes.
ReplyDeleteWhat?!?! I just spent 4 grand on braces!!!!
ReplyDelete- However, the mouth still wins out over fists.
ReplyDelete-Yeah, only those who like aural sex.
-You can make more friends with beer than vermouth.
-I don't know, George W. Bush has some pretty big ears and they don't seem to be helping him all that much.
- And, you can make quite a few enemies with crummy church signs.
We've got some really good ones here, everybody! Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeletethe Gospel, according to Dumbo.
ReplyDeleteMy wife wanted me to clarify, that my first entry is refering to punching and being contentious and not, well...um... ...anything else.
ReplyDeleteBut I thought God used the whole body of Christ.
ReplyDelete[and for the hearing impaired]you can make more friends with your eyes than your hands...
ReplyDelete[and for the hearing and sight impaired]ummm...you make friends with your feet, so DANCE!
ReplyDeleteHowever, if you don't want friends at all, try using a sign
ReplyDeleteJesus..the Q-tip that takes away the sin of the world.
ReplyDelete... but you can make even more friends with your tongue.
ReplyDelete-They wont be friends with benefits.
ReplyDelete-Everyone loves a church that tells them to shut-up.
Be sure to come back next week for Reverend Confucius' latest sermon:
ReplyDelete"He who dry hump collection plate, come into money..."
...then Obama must have a LOT of friends.
ReplyDeleteIf you knew Susie,
ReplyDeletelike I know Susie
Oh! Oh! Oh!
Unless of course your ears smell as bad as your breath. Then it's best to just wave from afar.
ReplyDeleteBut you can eat more friends with your mouth than your ear.
ReplyDeleteKeeping it cryptic.
...said the prostitute with a "special" talent.
ReplyDeleteWhat? What'd you say? I wasn't listening. I can make more friends with my heathen mouth?
ReplyDeleteFrom my friend groza:
ReplyDelete"Tell that to my girlfriend."
Heidi Fleiss begs to differ.
ReplyDeleteEspecially if you sing like our choir.
ReplyDelete....Which doesn't explain why Ross Perot never got elected.
ReplyDeleteor
...Just ask Alfred E. Neuman.
...This must explain why my deaf friend never calls me.
ReplyDeleteor
...so all of you deaf people can just go to Hell.
So sayeth Holyfield to Tyson.
ReplyDeleteYeah? Tell that to Bill Clinton.
ReplyDeleteChurch signs for middle school lonliness?
ReplyDeleteTrue, but mouth-friends are more fun than ear-friends.
ReplyDeleteShouldn't that say "beer" instead of "ear"?
ReplyDelete...as the music minister said when he kicked Mrs. Smitherson out of the choir.
ReplyDelete...From "Too-Polite Euphemisms, vol. 7." Listed under "Shut up."
...Because your ear is hole-y. [Loud groans.]
Answer: "You can make more friends with your ear than mouth." Question: "But professor, why don't we use this mouth in our cloning experiment?"
...Hear, hear!
...so I think you should major in counseling rather than voice. Trust me on this.
...From Dr. Frankenstein's treatise on efficient monster-building.
Pastor someone stole an R again.
ReplyDeletePastor I ran out of R's for this weeks sign.
Because ears hear about all the best clubs.
ReplyDeletehttp://perfectionsucks.blogspot.com
especially when your breath is bad
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should clean that thing out once and a while.
ReplyDelete....because oral sex is sooooo passe.
ReplyDeletecan you hear me now? good.
ReplyDeleteand if you have TWO ears, that's even better!
ReplyDeleteMust not be a Catholic Church Sign!
ReplyDeleteWe Baptist do it "Scary Movie" style, not "Monica Lewinsky" style like the Catholics next door!
ReplyDeleteIt looks like you have some competition:
ReplyDeletehttp://15minutelunch.blogspot.com/2008/04/worst-happy-hour-ever.html
...but remember, never trust a Ferengi with your money.
ReplyDeleteSo forget the Great Commission!
ReplyDelete...but your voice is your passport, so your ears can't verify you.
ReplyDelete— Vincent
ReplyDeleteBut making friends with your mouth is more fun!
ReplyDeletebut you can make even more friends with both ... a la "Saint Willie."
ReplyDeleteEspecially if you have a mouth where your ear should be!
ReplyDelete-So don't ask God for ANYTHING.
ReplyDelete-You can turn off more church goers with your crummy signs than your sermons.
-Jesus just should've kept his mouth shut then.
Sounds to me like someone needs a breath mint.
ReplyDeleteSadly, the Flame War between the Christian Otologist Federation (COF) and the League of Christian Dentists (LCD) will never end.
ReplyDeleteBecause your ear drives a sweet convertible!
ReplyDeletePoke
Seriously! Have you not seen your ear's MySpace page?
ReplyDeletePoke
Because your ear's parties are always EPIC!
ReplyDeletePoke
But if your ear and mouth ever teamed up, they could possibly take the "Best Friend Maker" title away from the breasts.
ReplyDeletePoke
you people are so cool. now how did i find crummy church signs. o yeah by accident. i am not a christian but even i find this to be stupid and a waste of time. i hope this sign save someone. get a life
ReplyDeleteAnonymous, did you know you can make more friends with your ear than with mouth? It's true. :-P
ReplyDeleteBack to the contest:
ReplyDelete...For one thing, your ear never smells like garlic.
...As seen in "Facebook Profile Picture Tips, #173."
...pierced.
H-A-L-I-T-O-S-I-S
ReplyDeleteHow
Absolutely
Lame
Is
This
Outlandish
Sign.
I'm
Serious!
you can make even more friends with your, um, well..that's a whole other sermon.
ReplyDeleteWhich is why everyone hates comedians.
ReplyDeleteSomeone should tell the pastor.
...but you can catch more bees with honey.
ReplyDelete...ing the words.
Damn, now I know how people feel when they come to my place on Monday morning. Ok, let's see:
ReplyDelete"Because ear wax will stick with you through anything."
"Yep, you got some real purdy ears."
"Sadly, though, most of your friends are always going to be in your head."
"But for making enemies, nothing beats a big f***ing sign."
"On the other hand, it's not really about quantity, is it?"
"...which is why we're retiring this sign and replacing it with a suggestion box."
" - Kama Sutra 14:7"
"Yes, pastor. Don't worry, I've got it. 'Your rear, then mouth.'"
"And if the mouth says it is not an ear, and therefore not part of the body, tell it to STFU."
"And when you're done making friends with your ear, feel free to get to acquaint yourself with everybody downstairs."
"'Dare week' ended badly at Calvary Baptist Church."
"Yes sir, just keep 'em filled with Skittles."
"For as the Scriptures say, 'He who dies with the most friends wins.'"
"Q: Why do Baptists disapprove of oral sex?
A: They think it might lead to talking."
Sorry, that should be "And when you're done making friends with your ear, feel free to acquaint yourself with everybody downstairs."
ReplyDelete"In other words: listen and obey; never question."
ReplyDelete"Because our Lord's Supper is a Q-tip"
"That's why the pastor has no friends. He just talks and talks and talks when he's up there in front of everyone!"
"So deaf people, stay away. What good are you?"
"Thus Jesus made his friends by shutting the heck up." (Cp: John 15:14)
"1 Chronicles 5:23" (yes, it is a completely random Bible verse, since that's what so many other signs do)
What in the name of...
ReplyDeletethings sure have changed since I was a kid.
Come again?
ReplyDeleteEven though we all know that the best of friends are made by using private parts...
ReplyDelete"I know God made Eve out of Adam's rib..so, how do I make a friend out of an ear?"
ReplyDelete"Perhaps God should have thought of that when making Eve for Adam!"
"Body Part Creative Usage Chart:
Rib - 1
Mouth - 0
Ear - 0"
"Maybe we could make more friends with ribs (especially with Gates' BBQ sauce, too)"
...just remember to reattach them once your friendship is over.
ReplyDeleteSo gimme that last piece of corn!
ReplyDeleteIf everyone follows this rule, no one will have friends!
ReplyDeleteAnd a friend in need,
ReplyDeleteis a friend ear lobe.
That's what SHE said....
ReplyDelete-sorry, all I can think of is King of The Hill lines.
And yeah I know, the contest is over...i just hope you laugh.
ReplyDelete